A bit of a dilema

[Dizzyd73]

I think this might be a bit of a sticky one....my 9 yr old step son lives with his mother, they live in Scotland we in southern England, on his last visit here he said he didnt want to live there anymore & wanted to live with his dad, infact he was adimant that he wasnt going back, in a discussion with his mother & grandmother it was decided that he would go back for the week to finish school then come back & stay with us until his mother had sorted herself & moved back to england as that would be best for him.....however yesterday things erupted....on taking him back to his grandmothers he told his mother he wasnt going back.....she lost it completely & started screaming & shouting at him in the street for all to see, he was totally distressed & cowering behind my husband to get away from her, this behaviour of hers is one of many triggers as to why he doesnt want to live with her anymore, my husband took nearly an hour to calm the poor boy down & was very upset by the whole situation as he feels that, the boy being 9 nearly 10, can make his own mind up as to who he wants to live with.......can he? There are various issuse & concerns that have been going on for many years now, his son comes to us in a terrible & what we feel neglectful state, he is filthy, full of head lice, his nails havent been cut & his clothes are 3 sizes to small & he is skin & bones, he cant tell the time or tie shoelaces, he tells us he is being bullied at school & his mother wont sort it out because she spends all day playing on the computer, she doesnt work by the way & is very upset that once he hits 10 her benefits are going to stop & she will have to work.
We feel now that social services should get involved although my husband wont contact them until his son is here as the mother will do a dissapearing act.
In her fit of rage yesterday she also announced that the only way my husband would get custody would be via the courts so we are assuming that after next week we

[ummmm]

Where was he born?

[tamborine]

huge dilemma - I'd say! Keep offering him succour - best you can do for now. Social Services will take boy into care; fatal!

[Dizzyd73]

ooer it didnt put all of what i had to say...never mind....he was born in the town we live in, his mother just decided one day that moving to scotland would be the best, we have already been to court just so my husband could have contact as she wasnt going to allow that either, the other bit of the post was supposed to say that after nxt week when he is supposed to be here, my husband wil still be paying maintenance & she will still be claiming benefits...can this be allowed?

[ummmm]

Social Services will not take him into care....

BABY P.....!!!!!

Social services will place him with his father after talking to the child and checking both enviroments.

Phone them....they are there to help not to foster out children.

[ummmm]

If it's a holiday then yes she can....but he can stop his maintenance for that time.

I'd phone SS.....but are you prepared to have him?

[Dizzyd73]

thanks tam
we will continue to offer security, however she has just taken us to court to force the sale of the house, & won, this home is where he's always felt safe, so all we can do is make sure he has as much imput into the nxt house so he knows he's safe

[Dizzyd73]

its not really a holiday, he will be going to school here etc, I feel its a case of her getting rid of a hinderance but still getting the benefits, im totally prepared to have him, he's a lovely boy I have known him since he was 5, him & my son get on like brothers, & everyone that has met him loves him

[Beanmistriss]

Hi Dizzy. When my step son moved in with us we informed the child benefit people. They won't change the name over on that for 6 weeks (I guess cos the child moght change their mind?) After 6 weeks they transfer the name for child benefit. Once that happens his mum won't be able to claim any benefits for him and your husband will be able to. If they have a maintainance agreement with the CSA you will have to keep paying her maintainence for that 6 weeks then they will reverse the claim once the child benefit is in your husband's name. If she has any morals at all she might give you the money you are having to pay her for that 6 week period (ours didn't!) otherwise you'll have to grit your teeth and hand it over :o/ This is about 4 years ago now so might have changed.

With regards to social service - they won't whip him away into care. They would do what is best for the child and I imagine that if they felt his mother was not an appropriate person to take care of him his father would be their next option. They deal with hundreds of families and itsonly the ones where the kids get left and die or they make a c@ck up taking kids away for the wrong reasons that anyone ever hears about.

Good luck and I hope it all works out ok for you step son :o)