loss of babies

[joannie10]

sorry this is a sad topic to bring on here when some of you are so obviously near to your due dates but sadly my friend has just lost her twin boys - she was 30 weeks pregnant. I do not have the opportunity to speak to her as she is still in hospital and obviously has to deliver them. I have never had children myself and never known anyone to experience such a loss. What would happen now - is there normally a funeral, or is that just a private thing at the hospital. I know there is nothing I can do but any advice is welcome - want to be there for her in every way I can - she does have a great network of family and friends around her and of course not forgetting her partner. thanks

[ethanryan]

hi my mom mis carried at 21 weeks. she went for her scan and found out, she had to deliver the baby too which was really hard for her. the nurses were all great and gave her the opertunity to hold him. they cleaned him up and wrapped him in a towel. they also took hand and foot prints for her to keep. she had the choice what she wanted to happen, she could either have a funeral if she wished or have the baby cremated and his ashes scattered with all the other babies that didnt make it. the hardest bit of all will be the delivering of the baby and having nothing at the end. try not to fuss too much as sometimes they want to be left alone but just let her know you are there if she needs you. there are so many chat groups about miscarriages that may also help, once she has got over the shock of it all.

[B00]

So sorry to hear of your friends loss.

My daughter lost her twin boys at 21 weeks (can I ask, were your friends twins monoamniotic twins by any chance?)

Like ethanryan has already said- you can either hold your own funeral, or let the hospital deal with it, which usually involves cremation and something put into the book of rememberence.

If your friend does want a funeral (my daughter did) I think all funeral directors will do this free of charge for you (I know it was in our case) and you only need to cover the cost of the actual cremation which is minimal. I know it's horrible thing to think about, but if it is a funeral your friend wants, she can be assured that costs wont need to be a factor.

I'd also recomend gently to her if you can, that it might be a good idea for a post mortom on the babies.

My heart really goes out to your friend as it brings so many painful memories of what happened to us just before Christmas.

[joannie10]

so sorry Boo this must all be so raw. The twins were non identical. Unfortunately I can only wait now until she is ready to talk and hopefully she will have followed her heart and gone with what she feels is best. Thanks both for your advice x

[lollyone]

Hi, my sister lost her baby at 40 weeks last year. Its been awful and you feel so helpless. I think you are required to have a funeral after 24 weeks but I'm not positive. Our family had a small ceremony (heartwrenching) but I think it helped a lot of people to acknowledge what what might have been. I really hope your friend is ok. There really is not a lot you can do just be there for her when she needs you. Its also important to do the same for her partner as its his loss also. Obvious as it sounds but all emphasis is put onto the woman as she has to deliver.
There are lots of websites available for people full of others dealing with the same situation.
Hope this helps a little Lx

[joannie10]

thanks lollyone x