Bullying

[sherrardk]

Would you regard the following as bullying (as I am so cross I can't think straight)? Thing 1 (she's 4 but really titchy) came out of school and part of the way home I noticed that the skirt part of her pinafore dress looked shredded (as if it had been dragged over the ground), given that the others were with me I decided to go home and talk about it rather than find out what had happened in the street. Turns out that two brothers (one in her class and one a year or two older) had taken it in turns to punch her, they then pushed her over and dragged her around by her arms and legs (face down) and then they put her on the floor. She told her teacher that they had been mean to her and the teacher told her to stay away from them. Me and himself are going up the school in the morning to see her teacher (and show her the state of her dress!) but I wanted to try and clarify my thoughts. Thanks for any points of view.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Your first priority is of course your own child. That goes without saying.
I admire your understanding of the boys' situation. It's a tough one to call. Exclusion does nothing to help them and may even make things worse. Let's see what the school has to say on Monday. Stay calm and plan what you're going to say.

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Doh, tomorrow, not Monday. I should go to bed.

[ELVIS68]

Discusting behaviour and needs to be dealt with straight away.

I hope the school deal with it and the little thugs get punished.

[sherrardk]

I feel terrible for the boys, the three boys and their sister were taken into care in August (luckily the same family we able to take them all). I don't want to look like we are jumping onto the bandwagon of having a go at them, but have to look after my beautiful (haven't missed a word off, they are all my beautifuls).

[ummmm]

Doesn't matter what their past is. Protect your daughter. I would, and have done in the past, go fruit loop.

[Lore]

That's awful, Sher. Ask to see the schools code of conduct. That kind of behaviour would result in a straight orange zone - possibly red zone at my school. Orange means the children miss out on play time and lunch time for however many days they see fit, red is an exclusion from class, playtime, lunch time and escorted around the school by a member of staff. Most schools have cctv on their play grounds now too. Ask to see that if you're not happy with the result.
I'd be very cross too!
Hope she's ok.

[sherrardk]

V close to fruit loop. Himself (who is given to fruit loop ness) is coming with me (in itself shows the seriousness of it). I am close to tears about it. She is tough as old boots but how dare anyone do that to her. I can understand totally how f'd off the teacher is hearing things about the boys (and I do feel bad for them) but she is my lovely thing 1 (she does have a proper name). They could have really hurt h.

[lady-janine]

sherrard insomnia means that i have only just got round to reading this.

i know you feel sorry for the boys but they need to b t srt behaviour is not acceptable. your poor little girl. it is lucky she is tough is not she could have been put off school for life. bullying, and assault like this, is totally unacceptable.

those boys are bullying and assaulting smaller children now but will they be doing n ten years time?

[kia cat]

echoing what everyone else has said. Try to stay calm, you'll get your point across better + quicker. Ask, in addition to everything else; for a follow up meeting in say a week or so's time. Try to get them to commit to an "action plan" and ask for it in writing. The school will try to bury this, if you're not careful.
Good luck, let us know + hugs for thing 1 ! ;)

[atalanta]

First of all, check the child all over - in her bath if necessary - and take photos of any injuries, bruises, scrapes, and also of the dress. Evidence.
As for Judo class, that's not stupid. My son was being bullied, I sent him to Karate classes, and the bullying stopped instantly. I recommended the same to friends, and their children stopped being bullied as soon as the bullies found out. (And now my son is a Black Belt.) I'm not saying that in this case a 4-year-old should go to Karate classes, but it certainly works for some victims

[sherrardk]

Quick update - the teacher was outraged when I told them what had happened (well, himself told them, I was crying!). When I went to pick her up it was different story. My daughter had changed her story and was being painted as a liar. I was mortified at the thought she could be a liar but didn't believe she could have made it up. Spoke to her at home and she added that the boy had told her to keep her mouth shut and not tell her parents. A friend has just phoned and said that her daughter had reluctantly told her that she had seen my daughter being pushed and dragged around by the boys in question. I am so relieved that my daughter was telling the truth but so sad that this has happened to her at all. Will go to the school again in the morning and see what happens.

[lcg]

good for you, sher. i too would have been extremely upset at that and the boys may well have threatened her since to keep quiet and change her story (at the end of the day they obviously know they are in the wrong. do go back to the school with the new information and insist they do something and address the issue seriously - you can always complain to the local education department, or social services if these kids have been removed from home. it was a serious assault and will need following up at school and at the home they are now living in. stand your ground and request they investigate the incident formally or you will go elsewhere for satisfaction. hugs to you all x

[horseshoes]

Oh Sher, how awful for you. Stand your ground and make sure the school sort it. Hug for little thing x

[sherrardk]

Fortunately, himself used to be a primary deputy and knows the score on how they can sometimes try to bury bullying incidents. I'm fine until I have to talk about what they did to her, just makes me so sad that they could be so horrible to her. Hopefully, with this new information the outrage that the teacher displayed this morning will re-emerge and the boys will be dealt with appropriately. (This would have been a whole lot worse if it had happened to thing 2 - it would have totally wrecked his confidence.). Thank you for your concern, I will let you know what happens tomorrow.

[abstibus]

This is just a dreadful experience for you all. Poor little girl - bullied and then threatened. I know you tried to rationalise the boys' behaviour, a very open-hearted and generous thing to do, and I congratulate you for it.
I don't think I would have been so charitable.
Hope the little mite sleeps well (and you and OH too) x

[sherrardk]

She's amazingly unbothered by it all. Do feel that the teacher should have spoken to the boys and got their take on the situation rather than assuming that a 4 year old was lying (I know 4 years olds are not particularly reliable in their re-telling of events). I know the boys are in the wrong but I can see why they are the way they are. Thing 1 is probably one of the smallest children in the school (she wears a lot of 2 - 3 year old clothes) and is a natural target for nasty kids. Anyway, hopefully we will get it sorted tomorrow (and I won't cry this time!).

[Smowball]

Have just read the whole thread,how awful! Your poor little girl certainly seems to be a real trouper, bless her! Those boys could have caused no end of damage to her, dragging her around - what on earth posessed them??

What is the latest?x

[2sp_]

I've just come onto this thread, too Sher.

Your poor wee girl. And you guys too. What a horrible situation. Imagine attacking and then threatening a wee girl.

I understand that the boys have a terrible home life, but that is no excuse. I think you are a very big hearted to be able to sympathise with these boys in some way.

I hope the school sort this out soon. Glad your daughter is handling this all so well. Hopefully it will be a distant memory soon. xx

[albaqwerty]

Sherr, how did you get on at the school this morning?

[sherrardk]

Hi, they said they would 'investigate'. Bit cross as the dinner ladies who do the before school club were all gossiping and one of them, who I thought was a friend, was making out she knew something but wouldn't tell me. If my daughter is in the wrong we will both take it on the chin, but I just feel that they don't want to admit there is any bullying going on. Hopefully it will be sorted when I go up in a bit (himself is saying he will come too). Thanks for asking.