Family Court

[Calvados]

A relative has been seperated fom her ex for 5 years and he has been refused access to the children all that time. He now wants access but the children don't want to see him. He is a violent alcoholic. Regardless of all the circumstances, their mother is worried that he may be granted access via a contact centre. We know of cases where the father has been granted access when the children didn't want it. Surely this can't be right, even if the court accepts that he has changed? Could this happen against the childrens' wishes? Some cases indicate that it could and that is totally wrong in my opinion.

[IggyB]

The courts will make their decision in the best interest of the children, all available info will be considered but if the father can show he is sober and safe then supervised visits are likely.

As an aside your very abrasive attitude will be of little help if you let it show in your dealings with the court,

[DJHawkes]

when you say 'he has been refused access all that time' do you mean he has been asking for access or 5 years, because 'he now wants access....' does not make sense in that context, either he has always tried to get access, which seems a good thing, or he has not been in touch for 5 years and wants access now.

[FredPuli43]

Calvados, these children have not seen their father in 5 years. Do not be surprised if the father is allowed to see them and that the court thinks it in the best interests of the children. What you wish to happen? That these children never see their father again? Or not until they're 18 ? If you really think a child of their age has the maturity to see what is best for itself, you'd better get ready for a big shock, because the court certainly won't think so.

[Calvados]

How can the court make the children go to see him? They don't want to. The court know the law and everything about the law. They don't know this man, regardless of how eloquently he presents his case. Having seen what happened in Lille this week-end, it could happen to these children with their father. We are really worried that something like that could happen. He's only interested in himself.

[Calvados]

I'm baffled by some responses about this. I haven't insulted anyone. If you don't like straight talking, don't respond to questions.

My original question was about the children being possibly made to meet with their father when they don't want to. They simply don't want to. The two oldest were badly affected when he previously applied, as I said before. They were ill and it affected their school work, especially the older one. Some people on here have apparently already decided that the mother is influencing the children and the court will find in favour of the father.

I can tell you that they don't care if they never see him again, never mind five years.

[bednobs]

I'm baffled by your responses about this. you have insulted people. If you don't like straight talking, don't ask questions.

[Calvados]

Who did I insult and how?

[EDDIE51]

Pointless arguing about this here. What happens is that the court hear both sides of the argument and make a decision. That decision may be that the father is allowed supervised access. If he is allowed supervised access then it will be at a childrens centre with social workers in attendance. My daughter has just been through this, the father was granted 2 hour supervised access at the local centre the father was watched all the time by the workers. Do not worry this happens all the time , the social workers will be aware of the situation they have to deal with it every day. The father will not be allowed access if he has been drinking or is under the influence of drugs. If he ''misbehaves'' with the kids it will be noted and he will be warned that if access is to continue he will have to mend his ways.
The courts view fathers access as extremely important now so he will almost certainly be allowed limited supervised access. Your daughter will have learn to abide by the court ruling.

[bednobs]

well i think chrisgel felt pretty insulted (as did i)
eddie is right, no ppint arguing about it though, time would be better spent working out how you as a family are going to support the children through this.
had a friend who has just been through this with her ex who is in court for ABH on the other son (who wasn't the exes son) She had to comply with
the court mandated access at a children's centre (with family support staff in attendance) Despite the fact her son was taken off her crying his heart out because he didn't want to go in and spend time with the dad. She did it because he is going for custody, and she wanted to be seen as complying with all aspects that have been ordered so the git can't useit against her in future proceedings

[Calvados]

Thank you Eddie. Of course she will abide by the court ruling. But the fact is the children don't want to see him. I fail to see how that will be in the interest of the children.

Anyway, thank you for all the responses. I haven't sworn or insulted anyone. If you think my response to Chrisgel's answer was insulting you must be very timid and fickle. I only said the answer was "a typical response". Where's the insult in that?

I'll let you know the outcome of the court appearance.

[EDDIE51]

If it helps , in my daughters case the child did not want to see the father either.
But with the help of the social workers she started to accept him. Things have now got a lot better and she happily goes to a 4 hour unsupervised access with him once every 2 weeks.
My daughter was initially as fearful as you about it but it has worked out well.
If the kids really do not want to see him and the social workers can not help then the situation will be reviewed by the court, but you need the social workers report to be submitted to the court that the contact has failed ( if it does)

[Smowball]

I also know somebody who has also been in this situation. the ex was a cocaine addict and had been to jail for armed robbery,GBH and domestic violence, yet the court still ordered that the child had to see him. I was really shocked.

[EDDIE51]

As confirmed, the court will grant supervised access no matter what the dads past. It is how he handles this access that will determine if it continues. He may be ordered to attend parenting classes and have to 'pass' for the access to continue. This happened in my daughters case.

[Calvados]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your responses.