When Is A Child Too Big To Pick Up, Cuddle And Carry?

[nellypope]

Yesterday I went to collect my 4 year old from nursery. In our family we are big on shows of affection, cuddles and kisses goodbye and hello. As I was helping my daughter on with her coat (four year olds, so easily distracted) she was showing me her picture of a fish and telling me all about her afternoon etc, I noticed a woman watching me. The nursery assistants are wonderful at my child's nursery, but recently I noticed other women there, they look like either health visitors or social services (but maybe they are just new members of staff without a uniform) I have no idea, but one of these ladies was watching me quite intently, then my daughter says "can I have a pick up cuddle and a carry" to which I am more than happy to give. This lady comes over and says "don't you think she's a bit big for that?"

Now I don't care how old my daughters are, if they want a cuddle even a bit of a carry they're going to get one. Now perhaps this woman didn't intend for her comments to be interpreted as they were. But it left me with a sour taste.

[Everhelpful]

Best answer to redman surely.!!

[woofgang]

seriously i agree that you are doing the right thing by asking who these people are, why they are in the nursery and by what right are they commenting on a loving interaction between mother and child.

[knowabit]

Yes, you should def ask who these women are at the school... I would then approach her and ask why she had said that to me.

[giveup]

What a bl**dy cheek.Agree with redman. My daughter is 43 and she still likes a cuddle from mum,and my 20 year old grandson does if his mates aren't around.

[boxtops]

I agree with all the others - you cuddle away, it's your child. Other people on site should be wearing ID badges at the very least, even if they don't have a badge they could stick a label on their tops. Let us know what they say when you ask today - I think we'd all like to know! Coming over and commenting on your picking up your child? - what a cheek.

[mallyh]

sounds like the nosy mare was one of the kiddies not getting hugs and kisses .

[Mamyalynne]

The only time not to pick up and cuddle your child is when they ask you not to - not some busybody stranger. So ignore her remarks.


Interesting to hear what the nursery has to say about these 'ladies'.

[Davethedog]

Agree with Everhelpful best answer to Redman. My dughters are 22/27 they still get hugs and cuddles...not so much the picking up :-)

[grasscarp]

Cannot believe this! Interfering busybody. I would have been more than a little rude to her if it happened to me. Last night I was carrying lanky heavy nearly 5 year old grandson along the street as he had asked for an "uppy". I had to put him down after a while due to his weight. As long as I can physically do it I will continue to pick him up.

[joko]

how on earth is 4 too old for that?
it would be a bit weird if you just suddenly stopped cuddling them!
aside from anything any adult would pick them up to cuddle because being on their knees to do is uncomfortable

is your child 'big - tall or chubby? maybe she was making a stupid joke about you doing your back in?

i would certainly find out who they are - if someone has said something then you deserve to know - i am amazed that anyone would think there is something wrong with it though ... maybe most other parents dont do it and theyre worried it will make the other kids jealous... its ridiculous either way

[maggiebee]

Your child is never too old for a cuddle. Maybe too big to pick up (mine are 48 and 44) but always get a cuddle and a kiss. Four grandchildren (5 to 16) also run for a big cuddle. Utter nonsense.

[China Doll]

I'd have asked, who she was and where her senior was before I'd walked out the door.... and someone would have had a red ear by the time I left the place.

[mazie]

LOL...next week take CD with you nelly (I'll come as well, so that I can watch) ;o)

[China Doll]

Always upset the person above if you want to ruin the person belows day... under the guise of 'learning and development' and 'constructive criticism of their approach to parents' of course, you gotta talk the talk ;o)

[andy-hughes]

I only had my youngest daughter from birth, having inherited the older two - but my rule for them all was exactly the same - I will pick them up and cuddle them until they tell me they are too old.

My F-I-L once told me my youngest was 'too old' to be picked up at five. I told him that the day would come when she would be too big to physicaly pick up, and when thay day came, i would never be able to do it ever again. Therefore, I would make the most of every opportunity, and I never refused any of my girls a pick-up if they wanted one.

Now they are all mums themselves, but, to varying degrees, they still love a cuddle, and their children all love to picked up and kissed and cuddledapart from the oldest, which is faie enough, she is nearly eighteen, but still loves a cuddle when we meet and part.

i think this woman was rude and intrusive, and in common with everyone else, i would ignore her.

Remember, our children don't 'belong' to us - they are loaned to us for a short time, so make the most of each and every day of childhood, and you can, as I do, look back and know you never missed a pick-up, ever.

[pixie373]

She's a cheeky mare, nelly. My answer would just have been, "obviously not!"
I would speak to the teachers and see who these people are, but it's her problem, not yours.

[seekeerz]

In a word.....never !!

[woofgang]

nelly, did you get an answer who who the person was and by what right she made that comment?

[atalanta]

Think of the child. When I was about 7, I went to my mother for comfort, and she told me I was too old to sit on her lap. I can still feel the hurt and rejection, and I am older now than she was then.