Am Not Coping

[Smowball]

i posted on here a few weeks ago about how my son had ran away to his fathers, over 100 miles away. despite me driving to see him and him saying I have done nothing wrong whatsoever he still wants to try and see what living with his dad is like.
my heart is absolutely broken. he rings every day to talk to me but as soon as I hear his voice I crack. I don't know what to do xxx

[murraymints]

Behave wummin ! ..Just enjoy the lull while it lasts...xx

[waterboatman]

Failed hom smow? Quite the opposite! You've given him the love and care to be able to make his own decisions. He is young. It's natural for him to want to discover things for himself. You gave him the courage and confidence to do that. As I said earlier, he will return to his anchorage. You. :o} xxx

[Smowball]

xx

[anneasquith]

why did he feel the need to leave home and move in with a father he barely knows ?

[murraymints]

Anne there were issues with stepfather...

[B00]

I did at the age Anne.

I thought that because my mum was a 'nagging cow, and wouldn't get off my back' that i'd be better off at my dads. And I thought it was for a few weeks, till the novelty wore off. I soon went home again!

[Peter Pedant]

Keep him ringing - is the impt thing

He'll be baaaaack ! Remeber you are not in control of his life - he is.

[KristalK]

I'm new on here but have read the background to this and something similar happened to me and I wish I'd handled it differently. Your son is at a funny age and unlike what a previous poster has said, he is not in control of his life, legally, as he is classed as a minor under adult care. From his perspective you have taken the stepfathers side, this step father who has shown some very dodgy behaviour in the past (documented in your older posts) both to you and your son. Ask yourself this, if you separated from your husband and asked your Son to come back and live with you, just you two on your own, would he come back? I would bet he would, straight away. Personally I would not believe a single word your husband has said about what has gone on between him and your Son, Adults can be very manipulative and your son could be genuinely scared of him but not dare show it to your face. He has said YOU have done nothing wrong, does this not indicate that SOMEONE has done something wrong? Sorry if this sounds brutal and its just my opinion but from bitter experience children are much more important than manipulative husbands. Try asking your Son if he would come back and live with you if Step-father was out of the picture , then ask him in confidence what ACTUALLY has happened between them because something major must have and you need to get to the bottom of it.

[Cloverjo]

I wanted to add my sympathies to everyone else's. Our kids are our life, and once you've decided to have them you sign up for a life of anxiety, it seems. I'm so sorry. Unfortunately, despite all that mums do, sometimes dad (even one who has been missing for years) seems like the preferable option. I'm sure your son will see that you have done everything you can for him one day. All you can do is keep talking, listening and being there.
From reading your previous post, it seems that your husband is willing to move out if it will make things easier to get your son back. If this is still true, keep telling your son that.
Goog luck.

[Smowball]

Kristalk. I know exactly what has happened - so no secrets there. Ive already told son that I will ask husband to leave but it has made no difference - he just says that he now wants to give it a try with dad as he has never really lived with him. Son and hubby had another long talk on phone yesterday about all sorts of things including football, school etc. He is starting to sound bored so we shall see....

[murraymints]

Smow....he'll be back sooner or later....don't fret...it has to be his decision ...he'll have grown up a bit too ! ...xx x...

[horseshoes]

Snow, just an idea, but have you thought that your reaction is nothing to do with the father/step father situation but all about son flying the nest. I know when our lad left to go to college, OH said something about when he came back, and I said, "you don't think he'll come back do you"?, OH was SO upset and actually cried. He hadn't thought son had set off on is own path. So it could be that or partly that. Anyway all the best.

[Smowball]

Yes maybe partly. I just miss him desperately : (

[woofgang]

Smow, it could be worse...many kids do the same thing with no other parent to go to.....

[KristalK]

Hi Smowball. Who has told you 'exactly what happened'? Were you there? Sorry to play devils advocate but unless the incident or incidents that provoked your son to leave home happened in your presence, then you only have your husbands or sons word. How many abused children over the years have been told not to tell the full story or something may happen to the other parent? Not saying this is your situation but think carefully, you seem very quick to believe your husband who has caused you to question their integrity in the past. He could be texting anything to your son behind your back, what does his father think of the situation ? has your Son confided in him? Remember though, his father has every right to have a say in his own sons upbringing, however you feel about your ex he's your sons dad and your son could be in a far worse place.

[Smowball]

Its not like that at all, honestly.

[ummmm]

Gosh...some people really like to make a bad situation sound 10 times worse :-(

[rockyracoon]

Aw Smow, I really feel for you, the best you can do now is sit tight and hope he comes back and if he doesn't just try to be happy that's he's happy :(

It'll all come out in the wash so my old nan used to say.

Stay strong.

[KristalK]

Ummmm if that comment was throw at me then I think its unjustified. I don't think my comments are making the situation sound any worse. The OP is finding it impossible to come to terms with and her son has experienced something that has pushed him into leaving home and the reason needs to be got to the bottom of. Normally I would say 'teenage' tantrum' but after reading a few previous posts I feel it goes deeper than this. The OP mentioned a Court Order in a previous post yet no further mention. From reading earlier posts from this contributor I feel any advice will be ignored as she seems totally under the control of her OH. None of my business so I'll stop there.

[EcclesCake]

Good idea Kristal.

I am quite sure that we all hold back on posting every detail of a problem and I think that may be the case here. It isn't always constructive to read too much into a situation and fill the gaps between the lines with conjecture and supposition.