Boys Jolly To Las Vegas - For A Week??

[Smowball]

Morning guys! Ok, to cut long story short - my hubby sent me a txt yesterday whilst he was at work, saying his friend was going to Las Vegas in October for a week to celebrate his 40th, and could he go? He reckons his friend is paying for everybodys flights and hotels, and all he has to provide is spending money, which I find hard to believe for a start. Oh, and he needed to know by the eve as his friend needed to pay that night! Now apart from the fact that he clearly has know for ages and just wanted to put me on the spot, I cant stand this friend. Every time he sees him something happens, and not something good .he totally changes when he is with this guy, and not in a nice way. His friend is just a hard drinking gobby single bloke and the last person on earth I would imagine being his mate. Hubby met him for a lunchtime drink a few years ago - and wasn't seen for 24 hours! And he wants to go to Vegas for a week?? I really really don't like the whole idea. Your thoughts??

[China Doll]

I'd probably be furious about being put on the spot but your OH is an adult and it's not like you can permit him to go or not; all you can do is voice your concerns.

I also think you're projecting; your OH's mate is not the problem, your OH's behaviour and attitude around this friend is, don't blame the friend for how your OH is.

[B00]

I'd be furious if Mr Boo wanted to go anywhere for a week without me, however, or relationship is such that he wouldn't entertain the idea in the first place and promptly say no to his mate in the first place.

He obviously wants to go Smow, as I've said, there's not a lot you can do, you can't exactly ban him from going can you?

[black_cat51]

hi, i agree witht he others; you can't stop him

[anneasquith]

the birthday boy is a great friend though, paying for flights and accommodation ?

[joggerjayne]

Sometimes, you just need to get away with the girls for a few days, have some fun, and get a good fix of oestrogen.

I guess guys are the same. They need boy time.

And every group has one person who can be a bad influence. I think my pals' husbands would probably say that it was me.

Let him go. And, as a trade off, tell him that while he's away your having a pamper day at a spa with a couple of your pals.

[Sqad]

Good advice by the lovely JJ.

This is no big deal, so my advice is to treat it as such (maybe difficult I appreciate).

Drinking, eating, a show.......does not bother you BUT..

Sex, a hooker........is the stumbling block.

He may not dip his toe into the water, although, it is more likely that he will.

No big deal....he is not looking for another Mrs Snowball and certainly not looking for a " meaningfull relationship."

In 6 monthe time.....this will be forgotten.

Nice post JJ

[Sqad]

jordy.........good point but not insoluable.

[joggerjayne]

STD ...

Stand

Take a card

Double

Good advice for Las Vegas ... remember the basic Blackjack options.

[ChillDoubt]

There's few good spa's in N. Wales......(wink!)

[berniecuddles]

JJ BIG LOL xx

[2sp_]

I wouldn't be happy, not because I don't trust Mr P but because if he can find a spare week from work to go off to Vegas with his friends then I would rather we went away on a family break.

I know you and hubby have had troubles before, maybe it's too soon for him to be testing your trust with a holiday with friends you don't like in a city renowned for it's party atmosphere.

It does sound like he's known for ages though. To me it appears that he's waited until the last possible moment to tell/ask you (short of getting in the taxi to the airport). That would pee me off on it's own!

[woofgang]

Yup, it aint what you do its the way that you do it.

[tamborine]

Nows your chance to do a Shirley valentine

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shirley_Valentine_(film)

[kvalidir]

I have had no problem with my boyfriend going to all sorts of places without me, and he hasn't had a problem with me going to all sorts of places without him. Where you go doesn't matter, and as a point of interest, had he objected I'd have dumped him faster than he could reconsider. Sometimes you want time apart and sometimes you want time together, and you don;t need to like your husband's friends, they're his not yours, you only need to like your friends, and he needn't be able to stand them.
If this is about more than a trip, then you need to examine why this bothers you so much and address that part of your relationship. It's not for you to 'let him go', that's his choice, but if it upsets you and he doesn't care, then THAT might be an issue.

[horseshoes]

Is the friend SERIOUSLY that loaded/generous/bonkers to pay for everyone? I bet not. ONLY needing spending money won't come cheap either Smow. I smell a rat I'm afraid.

[Brinjal]

It's the he's paying for everything that just doesn't sound right. Maybe he is going to save his pocket money and pay for himself. I find it strange that a not so close friend will fork out for everything. Dodgy dodgy dodgy.

[Smowball]

Thanks for all the answers. Now im going to sound an absolute wuss now but - I don't actually know what he said to the friend! We haven't really spoken properly since and ive been working till 10pm lastnight. Guess I don't want to ask and cause a row. You're all right - if this was a one off thing and I'd never had any cause for concerns before then it prob wouldn't bother me at all. But that's not the case is it............ ive put up with some ridiculous things, and thought they were all in the past. Do I trust him to 'behave' if he went? Honestly - no. Can I actually stop him going? No. Would I believe a word he said when he got back? No.

[2sp_]

I think it's understandable that you don't trust him, Smow. Trust is a very delicate thing. It has to be earned, and can so easily be lost. OH should be trying to repair the damage that he caused in the past, surely he must be able to see why you aren't happy about the trip?

Good luck, I hope he sees sense and doesn't go.

[ladybirder]

Wouldn't that just mean so much if he decided of his own accord that he won't go because he doesn't want to upset you.