Teenager

[star2]

What alternative can my daughter wear as a bridesmades outfit as she is a tomboy n will not wear a dress

[Old_Geezer]

Be my guest. I'm sure you will be able to.

[Retrochic]

hc4361 How have you come to that conclusion? If its the brides daughter then thats a completely different post -why can't she just have written what can my daughter wear as a bridesmaid to MY wedding.

[Old_Geezer]

A previous thread Retro
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Society-and-Culture/Religion-and-Spirituality/Question1382454.html

[Old_Geezer]

However I do agree it is a different situation when you know both parties are eager to get something that works for all. :-)

[Retrochic]

Exactly Old_Geezer -and apologies but have not read previous thread. Mother and daughter need to compromise and my advice would be a trouser suit or jump suit which are very popular at the moment, in colours that compliment the theme of the wedding.

[lcg]

i was my brother's best man (i am female) and wore a nice purple trouser suit. the only dress i have ever worn was my own wedding dress......in 39 years. if i had to be a bridesmaid, there is no way i would wear one. i guess another issue is if there are going to be other bridesmaids and the bride wishes to have them all looking the same. either she will wear a dress, a trouser suit or not be a bridesmaid. life will not come to a grinding halt if she doesn't do it - i flatly refused to be maid of honour for my best friend as she wanted me to wear a dress. as a result, we are no longer friends and that suits me just fine - if she makes it that much of a issue, she obviously doesn't care about me that much, does she? good luck with your negotiations x

[B00]

Not wishing to annoy you lcg, but she could be thinking the same about you, that you didn't care enough about her to put aside your distaste for an item of clothing for her, and help her celebrate her special day.

[lcg]

and if it is your daughter who is refusing to wear a dress......is it really that much of a big deal if she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid? she doesn't have to do it.....and you can still be friends after - somebody else can be a bridesmaid if you want one, or don;t have any at all - either is fine. and those going on about teenagers being precious or ruling the roost - i would freak out if somebody tried to make me wear a dress, and i would rather run a hundred miles than do so. surely it is better to have everybody there and no bridesmaid? and some peace and quiet, of course.

[lcg]

being there for your mother on her wedding day does not mean she HAS to be a bridesmaid. who said that is mandatory? what difference will it make? if the teenage daughter is there and happy and helping them celebrate......that is what is most important. people need to let things lie, or family rows and that sort of rubbish emerges. would she rather enforce this on her child and make them feel extremely uncomfortable, even stressed and distressed on the day, or there, happy and being supportive. just not in a dress.

[B00]

Distressed about wearing a dress? But it's a dress, not napalm!

[lcg]

and you can reverse that statement boo - or the daughter. does her mother not care about her feelings and wishes? yes it is her day, but nobody has to do anything they don't want to. for example, i do not socialise at work or go out on work 'do's' because of my mental health problems and the fact that i feel extremely uncomfortable, stressed and do not enjoy one second of it. so why should i? i really like my colleagues and do casual lunches when i feel up to it, or go round their houses for meals and drinks......but my line is where i draw the line. and i don't give one flying *** what anyone else thinks. and i dress how i want to, irrespective of dress codes. and i don't bend my rules for anyone. i'm not selfish - if anyone wanted to do the same back at me, fine. but i wouldn't dream of telling somebody else what to do or how to dress......not even my son on our family events and my wedding blessing - he dressed himself, felt comfortable and everybody was happy. overbearing, demanding relatives have no place in my life - and it is a nice, quiet and comfortable one as a result.

[B00]

We'll have to agree to disagree on this particular topic lcg, as I personally find it utterly selfish to not put aside what ever foibles you've got about putting on a dress, to spend the day with someone who obviously cares enough about you to ask you to don the ruddy thing in the first place.

[sherrardk]

Think there will have to be compromise on both the bride & bridesmaid's part - nothing worse than a grumpy teenager with a face like a slapped *** on all the photos.

[lcg]

boo - people have issues with self/image/confidence and that can form part of severe and enduring mental health problems. for example - i have psychotic depression and am extremely paranoid and anxious when out and about, and especially around other people if i am somewhere unfamiliar and around people i don't know. if i had to wear a dress (i am overweight, have acne on my body that is visible when wearing any kind of top/dress/blouse other than a long sleeve polo neck - and it is severe acne, btw) with all that other *** on top, i would either pass out after hyperventilating and panicking, flatly refuse to go or run a mile. my clothes are extremely hard to find - ones that i feel comfortable in, anyway, and help form a barrier between myself and all the other things going on around me that yes, cause stress and distress. i couldn't think of anything worse than everybody seeing my acne - the one thing that i feel ashamed of, absolutely ugly as a result of, and that is just not supposed to exist in our perfect society. you may say that this is all my problem - and you are right.....but it is ME that has to go places and be 'happy' and 'celebrate'.....when in actual fact, there is very little in my life that fits into my definition of that. for example, when celebrating my mother's 60th birthday, my parents did not have a huge 'thing' and we went somewhere familiar (a nice local pub), with a table hidden away in a corner - because they wanted me there. they love me enough to negotiate and compromise (i still feel guilty, though) and while my mum had a great time (and i enjoyed it too) she made it clear to me that she preferred what we did so that she could have me there with her, and that all the other frivolous rubbish involved in huge parties (e.g. the cost, inviting relatives that *** her off, hiring some hall or other, preparing for it etc.) actually is not important or what family and celebrating is about. it is about everybody being happy......not just one person. if the daughter does not do dresses, then it is unreasonable of the parent to expect her to do it. if she was arguing about the colour or style, maybe that would be different. but mum is asking her to do something that is not acceptable to her very being. she either needs to accept the wearing of trousers/suit, or for her not to be a bridesmaid. i just don't get that by not being a bridesmaid constitutes a mortal sin by the daughter, or something that parental love becomes conditional over......nobody is a good parent, imho, if they fall out with their child over either wearing a dress or being a bridesmaid. it is just not that important.......other things in life are.

[lcg]

and i get slightly miffed that my mental health problems are a) described a 'foibles'; and b) make me selfish. way to go for really putting your views out there about who and what i am, and insulting....no - what you say is far beyond insulting......everybody that has a chronic mental health problem. my mum, fortunately, understands me, loves me, and makes big compromises to ensure that i can participate in family occasions and stuff outside my comfort one. just like we all do to accommodate her wheelchair.

[lcg]

p.s. my former 'best friend' also called me selfish for not wearing a dress and being her *** bridesmaid. she also showed her true colours that day and i am really glad i no longer have to spend one second longer in her company or wasting oxygen/energy on her. sometimes, you have to look a little deeper into why somebody doesn't want to do something and refuses - even in the face of something important, like a wedding. there is always a way to compromise - unless the person asking is more selfish than the recipient.

[bednobs]

it's not a competition about who can be the most selfish. You were both being selfish

[B00]

As I said lcg,we'll have to agree to disagree.

I understand you may have real anxiety issues, but from the scant info from star here, this is a stroppy teen, not someone with underlining social problems.

[RandyMarsh]

Suit

[woofgang]

Is it just an issue of a dress, any dress, or a girly dress, or wearing anything "dressy"? What sort of thing does she like to wear when she dresses up? Even though she is tomboyish, could this refusal be a message that she is unhappy about the wedding per se?