So Sorry To Bother You All But.....

[Smowball]

I need some impartial advice. I'm getting opinions,left right and centre and I can't think logically . To cut a really long story short I ended up spending most of last night on the phone and is endless txt messages to my one son who Is always in trouble and tbh needs counselling in my opinion. He has been in prison, can be very violent and has such extreme mood swings that he scares me. He has a 4 yr old daughter who lives with mum and he speaks to daily on phone and sees every week. He is in and out of work and it's all a nightmare. Mr smow is away on business at the mo. Son ends up ringing me last night as he was having a bad day and he basically pleaded to come bk and live with me temporarily . We are three hours apart. He has tried living with me twice as an adult and both times ended badly. If I say yes then hubby will go absolutely mental. But I've got my child on the phone literally crying his eyes out as yet again he has got his life into a right state. Yet it's like Groundhog Day . I've been here and done this. I've offered advice and help to him all Eve and yet all he keeps saying is he wants to come home. He is 22.

[jno]

Eddie, I disagree. Smowball is scared of him, and with reason. I don't think she should be taking him in - this isn't tough love, it's self-protection. He needs sorting out, but not at the expense of her health and safety. No mother owes that to her son.

[ummmm]

I agree, jno.

[Smowball]

I'm not scared of him as such, he is just so volatile that you have to tread on egg shells whenever you have a conversation with him. One wrong word and you could have a mobile phone flying through the air.

[ummmm]

You don't need that.

Has he phoned back since?

[Smowball]

Ironically I've not heard a word today!!

[MallyJ]

I would be scared of someone who, when angry, throws a missile at me... are you not worried it will hit you ?

[ummmm]

Fingers crossed it was just a bad day.

[woofgang]

"I'm not scared of him as such”
"He has been in prison, can be very violent and has such extreme mood swings that he scares me.”
He has attacked his girlfriend and their child and he stole a knife and hid it in his bed.
So what does it take to scare you??

[Smowball]

It's different when it's your own child - I know the good side of him too and yes I know that sounds silly.

[ummmm]

It doesn't sound silly, Smow.

[Old_Geezer]

It's understandable, but I still think I'd label it silly. But I think that's besides the point; which is to decide the best way forward.

[woofgang]

perhaps not very clearly thought through?

[KARL]

The revelation (at least I was unaware - did I miss something in the thread ?) that he is completely estranged from his father, of whom he is aware, would cause many professionals to make the plausible suggestion that your son is in fact on a flight from uncomfortable reality into drugs and irrational behaviour.

You are in possession of one very valuable item of currency/trade: It seems he has an attraction to and/or affection for you and in extremis probably is probably inclined to rely on you. In a way he takes you seriously - as well as hoping you are a soft touch. If you are to get involved in his life from now on then the suggestion made by others is useful: Tell your son that you will allow him back into your home once he has undergone a sustained course of help from any worthwhile source AND stayed clear of drugs (ideally confirmed by tests). It harms no-one if he is given a chance to prove he can change. He should not continue to exist at the expense of peace in the lives of others - his choice. Do involve your husband in the decision/ultimatum. Children's catastrophes are disturbing to anyone with an ounce of compassion and they are agonising for the parents.

[jourdain2]

I'm afraid that I rather side with Karl, but with the proviso that you can be doing on the sidelines with advice and directing and arranging appointments etc.. Sorry, but the mention of knives etc. are frightening and indicative of serious and dangerous disorder. Been there, there is not a lot you can do except from the sidelines.

[Smowball]

Just when I thought it couldn't get any more confusing..........

[anneasquith]

Do we guess ?

[ummmm]

Don't be confused, You're not silly, you're his mother.

You have to put yourself first though. Your sanity is as valuable as his.

You have too much going on, Smow. Too much for most people to deal with in one hit.

xx

[Smowball]

Sorry , i txt him at 7 to see if everything was alright and he says did the police not ring you?? I say no. He called them late last night saying he couldn't get hold of his daughter and lunchtime today they turned up and arrested HIM.

[Smowball]

His ex and he took child swimming on Saturday and since then she's blocked his calls so baffled he has tried everyone to see if everything is ok.

[ummmm]

Oh no :-(

How long did they keep him?