Breaking Up

[alc2285]

My ex-boyfriend and I have been on and off for over a year now. Well it always seems to go bad when he drinks. Tonight was the worst, he called me every name you can think of and attempted to smack me while he was laying in bed but he was too drunk to even get close. I walked out and I don't want to look back. I just don't know if I have to will to not go back. I have no friends at this point because of him and I am just so lost. What do I do?

[Annlinda]

Please....please keep away from him. This could just be the start of really nasty attacks. Domestic violence often begins with "little smack" and can end in murder. If he runs true to form he will contact you and be very apologetic saying he will never do it again etc...don't believe him the next time he has a drink you could be seriouly injured.
At the moment you may feel friendless but once your old friends know he is history I am sure they will want to help.
Thinking of you...

[helpmetoo]

you will look back hopefully and realise that no friends temporarily is better than hanging around with that waster

[Chickens2000]

You're much better off without him. It's always hard to go through a break-up. Especially without friends to support you but it sounds like the best thing you can do and it won't take you long to meet new people. Good luck!! xxxx

[efc]

alc2285 - never look back! I was in a similar situation 8 years ago. I walked out, moved several hundred miles away, made new friends and started again. It wasn't easy but it was the right thing to do.

My ex still makes my life hell when I go to visit my family but to me its just confirmation that I did the right thing by walking away.

Believe me when I say that things will get better.

[alc2285]

I want to thank everyone for their answers. Your right Annlinda he has left me 6 messages saying that he was sorry for whatever he did. He called this mornings and he really had no idea what he did wrong. Its just a bad situation because he live less then a mile away and I still live at home with my mother because I am going to school and working part time. I hate this. I am so lost. I love him with all of my heart. He only gets drunk maybe once in a couple months. We have a good relationship just not when he gets drunk.

[nicksmum]

I am going to say the same as everyone else,please stay away from him as things will go from bad to worse. I was in a similar relationship several years ago, my ex used to hit me (but only in places on my body that couldn't be seen by other people) and was verbally abusive but would always apologise afterwards. I walked away after three years of this,my self esteem was about as low as it could get. It is difficult to walk away but you really must. I am now married to a lovely man and we are happy together.Good luck to you, you deserve it.

[Kim A]

Please don't think of going back with this person. He obviously has a problem with alcohol, and appears to be taking his inadequacies out on you. There is never any excuse for physical violence between partners. Nothing you could ever do should justify physical and verbal abuse. He has lost you your friends and, by the sound of it, your self-esteem. you say you love him - but what has he done to deserve your love? He obviously doesn't think of you in the same way, otherwise he would be addressing his problems. Merely saying 'he's Ok, except when he drinks' isn't a good enough reason to be with him. His behaviour is unacceptable. Unless he can sort himself out, and address his underlying problems in a practical way via counselling, or seeing the doctor, my advice would be to stay away. Your friends will come back once they know he's out of the picture. if you think his continued presence will be a problem for you, seek legal advice from a solicitor or the Citizen's Advice Bureau about an injunction. Failing that, talk to your mum, or a trusted teacher, or even your employer. You will find unexpected allies everywhere - no-one likes a woman-beater. I wish you luck and will be thinking of you.

[alc2285]

Thanks you all so much. I told him this morning that he does need to get help. I know he thinks he does to because he has told me before that he wants help. I told him I would we could talk on the phone and thats it. Once he gets help and I can see a change then maybe we can try again. I hope that when he does get help that maybe I could go with him sometime that way I know for sure he is following threw with it and that we can talk to the counselor about our relationship. I would never call him a woman-beater though because he has never touched any woman. But he is a verbal abuser for sure. He just can't put the past in the past and move on. I told him you can't do anything about the past the only thing you can do is to move on and put it behind you and learn from it, that its called "life".

[Psychick]

Don't think for one minute he is not a woman beater, he went to hit you!!!
It was just luck that he was too drunk to actually make contact. Next time, and there will be a next time, he may actually succeed.....and it may not just be a "smack".
Yes you love him, but you dont deserve to live in fear when he drinks no matter how infrequent that is.
You say about the verbal abuse.....sometimes that can actually be worse than physical abuse. Scar on your body heal, mental scars do not!
Let him go, whether he gets help or not, you deserve better!

[MYSTERYT]

You ever heard of the saying A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES IT'S SPOTS well that applies to him!!!!!!
reading your ad seems like its not the first time ??? ,well why put yourself through all that ,you are nobody's punch bag,if he has a problem with drink (which he appears to have) then he needs help ,cause having a drink problem is an illness.
Making friends will be easy ,!!
Dont go back your worth more than that and in time you will see that ,if you go back then in the end you will be blaming yourself for his actions cause he will make you believe that you are the one that has pushed him to hit you .
take care

[cazzz1975]

you sound like you had already forgiven him on your first reply post, already you were making excuses for him. you need to wake up, eventually you will but sadly it will probably not be now, more likely in a few years when you have a kid and you are fed up with being beaten black and blue.

please heed the excellent advice from everyone here, dont just put it down to a one off, they all start out that way

[Annlinda]

Just to add as part of my work I went on a course about domestic violence and one of the statistics was that on average a woman suffers at least 35 beatings before she calls the police.
Frightening isn't it......PLEASE don't go down that road. There are plenty of decent men and boys about.

[Bonniebabe]

alc, Sounds like your man is sick. I come from a family of alcholics. some of them get themselves sober and some dont. Your life is too precious to waste waiting on him to get on top of his illness. You are stronger than you think . There is so much out there for you but your life will only go one way if you choose the easy option and go back to your man. try taking one day at a time, gradually life will get better and better and better . You can do it !!!