How can I tell my parents?

[Giggler]

I am nearly 40, have my own house and a good job and have a little boy but I am single and have been for 3 years. I have met someone that I really like and want to be with (not live with but be a girlfriend to for now). However, he has dreadlocks (short ones) and a couple of piercings and tattoos and lives on a barge!! (which is gorgeous!) When I last told my Mum that this guy had given me his number, she went ballistic saying everything derogatory about his appearance, about his job (he is a welder) and my Dad probably agrees. (They know him). I went to see him this weekend and I told my parents I was going on a hen do in London! My Mum is very emotionally controlling and I feel sick that I will eventually have to tell them that I am seeing him. He wants to come down to see me this weekend. He is loving and thinks I am great. He is very chilled and I just love being with him - he would also be great with my son. I am dreading making that call - any suggestions of what I can say? Just for the record, they are a little bit protective I guess because my last partner/my son's father was very abusive towards me (and clean cut!).

[ethanryan]

i think if he makes you happy then dont worry about what anyone else thinks. i understand that your parents will worry but you are a grown woman and need to live your life your way. because you have a son i would let your parents know that you are taking things slowly. if you this man and your son are happy, go for it. i wouldnt phone my parents and ask then, id just simply say, that mr x is coming down this weekend and that i would love you to meet him, if they dont want to that is there choice, dont force them, when they see the three of you happy together they will come round to the idea.
good luck to you and remember, looks are nothing compared to happiness.

[LoftyLottie]

As per ethanryan. Your parents should not be influencing your life to this extent anyway. You are a mature woman with a child, your own home, and hold down a good job. The trouble with parents is that they often forget their children have grown up and are fully functioning adults. My mother still acts like this, and I am over 60!!

[andy-hughes]

I can fully understand this situation - from both sides.

As a parent of three daughters, I can tell you that no man wil ever be good enough for you in your parents' eyes - that's a fact. What parents then do is accept their daughter's choice, make her partner welcome, and keep their mouths shut! Why? Because the potential alternative is a 'choice' situation - and they risk loosing their daughter and grandson because they are too controlling.

I speak from your experience - when I met my girlfriend, she was separated, with two daughters aged sic and four. My mum gave me miles of earache about 'another man's children' etc. Result - my girlfiend and I have been together for twenty-seven eyars, married for twenty-one of them, and we now have three daughters, all adults, and we are fine. My mother and i ahd no contact for sic years, I did not invite her to our wedding, and even now, thigs are seriously strained, and unliely ever to be repaired.

OK - for your situation -

Have a nice calm chat with your folks. Explain that you now their hostility is rooted in concern for you and your son, but that you are an adult and you can and will make your own choices. They can respect your choices as an adult, and be mature and civil about it, or they can risk you not seeing them until they accept your fundamental right as a grown woman to live your own life, with or without their approval, which you would like, but you don't actually need.

Appearences are meaningless. My eldest daugher's partner appeared in her life as a mechanic, with two earings, a baseball cap, and a propensity to drink our beer supplies. We had your parents' concern for our daughter, and her daughter as well, but kept quiet, and waited to see how things went. Now, they have an adorable little boy, our grand-daughter worhsips hm, he has bought the business that employed him, and if i had a son of my own, I would wish for him to be

[leelapops]

ethanryan and Tetjam are both right. You can't compromise potential happiness because of your parents' prejudices.

You are a grown woman, and it just isn't their business to vet potential partners. They should be pleased that you have met someone with the potential to make you happy, not suspicious because he looks 'different'. And he has a (useful) job, a home, and most of all, respects and admires you!

I can understand their desire to protect you, but you aren't their little girl, and they need to step back and let you make choices about your life.

I wish you lots of luck and happiness. My partner is 24 years my senior, so I know a little of what you must be facing, in a different sense.

Lisa x

[andy-hughes]

ctd.

everything my daughter's partner is.

We could have voiced our concerns, after my experience, we didn't, and I am so glad for that!

I know you will ssort this out. Be calm, but firm, you are a woman with her own life and her own mind - your parents need to see that.

[chappie]

You certainly can't judge people by their appearances.

I once lived next door to a young lad who had a bullring through his nose. It looked horrendous. To be honest, I thought of him as a thug. I had made a judgement based on his appearance.

One day I had a chat with him, and found him to be a really nice lad. I felt bad about judging him without knowing him. Couldn't look him in the eye though, because the bullring made me feel queasy!

[figure]

Very helpful advice from everyone, including Mamjet's for a change. You are forty years, not fourteen. I admire the way in which you respect your parents, but, it's more than high time you show your parents you are capable of making important decisions for yourself.

[lil123]

I think you have to think of yourself and your happiness here first and foremost. x

[gucciman]

grow up woman your 40 not 14 !

he obviously really makes you happy which is the most important thing in this short life we live so screw the pair of them if they don't like it.