help i want to keep my baby

[sharkie]

my boyfriend has booked an appointment for me to have an abortion tommorrow morning. I dont want to have it as the baby was planned and i want to keep her / him, He wont leave me if I keep the baby but he says it will ruin his life. I am so unhappy that I have agreed to have the abortion but I don't want to. Please help :-(

[Nosha123]

Oh dear.. that's awful.. can I ask how old you both and and how long you have been together....

If he is forced into letting you have the baby.. and if worse case.. he left... could you cope on your own???

Harsh I know - but it's a distinct possibility if you haven't been together long and he is not singing from the same sheet as you!

Then again - once the baby arrives he may change his mind!

[sharkie]

thankyou for answering me, im going insane. we have not been together for that long (6 months) but were planning a wedding soon anyway and he already has the ring. We are in our late 20's and have a house and are financially secure. He just says that although it was planned, the reality feels different and we didnt expect to get pregnant in te hfirst month of trying. He basically says that if I have an abortion then he will marry me and make everything wonderful and we can try next year but I think that is so stupid. anyway, in answer to your question, yes I could cope alone and I am not frightened to do so but I the thought of loosing my boyfriend over this upsets me so much x

[Nosha123]

Oh you poor thing..... I do feel for you!!! Big Hugs coming over now.......

If you had to go thru with the abortion - how do you know you wouldn't hold it against him forever.. and then resent him and not be happy and split up anyway....

Only you can decide.. it seems unfair for him to change his mind just because you got pregnant so quickly.. though I can understand why maybe he is a bit scared by it all...

Does he like kids?? Do you think he would come round given a bit of time.. I bet he is not the first Dad to sh*i himself!!!!

[pinkcowprint]

get rid of him hes not worth it,to come out with that b*******
is absolutely pathetic,hes not a child but is acting like one,he cannot tell you to have an abortion,and the way you say hes booked you in for one,what will he be controlling you with next?(is he a control freak?)i know you love him etc but the reality is he will probably never be ready and may be jealous of a baby taking away his limelight,he will ruin your life, keep your baby and enjoy.things happen for a reason,you getting pregnant is meant to be,i dont think he is.gud luck.xx

[smudge]

Hi sharkie - so sad reading your post.

I feel for both you & your boyfriend - but you must do what is right for you & your baby.

If your boyfriend truly loves you, he will stick by you whatever the outcome. If not, then he's not worth the ring he wants to put on your finger.

Take care & arms around you. -xx-

[lil75]

He was trying for a baby but didnt expect you to get pregnant in the 1st month!!! Once your trying thats it, it can happen at any time and he knew that....I think its playing with your emotions to be honest with you. You cant plan for a baby and once it happens try and revert the situation...what does he think this is, like buying something and then deciding you dont want it and sending it back!!! Im sorry this is a matter of life or death, something serious...I suggest you do what is right for you, once it is done there is no going back and by the sounds of it, you want to keep the baby, please, please do what YOU want to do, remember he made the decision to try for a baby too, to put this on you is dispicable!!!!

[sharkie]

thanks again for your comments. I agree he is being selfish and evil but in his defence he is not a control freak, the only reason he is booking is because I said I want nothing to do with it and refused to book it!

He does love me, im very sure of that but I just can't understand what he is so scared of.

this is so hard

[pinkcowprint]

the fact that you told him you refused to book the appointment should have been enough for him to know that you wanted to keep your baby!!!who does he think he is,god?!!the reason i feel so strongly is that my partner and i didn't want children,we partied every weekend,loads of hols etc,then i found out i was 4 month pregnant,it is the best thing that has happened to us,its made us even closer to know we have brought this gorgeous little boy into the world and our life now is brill!if id have found out at the beginning of the pregnancy things could have been a lot different now,thankgod it isn't.go with your instincts.x

[redcrx]

"he is not a control freak, the only reason he is booking is because I said I want nothing to do with it and refused to book it! "

read what youve written there, please.

HE IS controlling you. Hes making you have an abortion, making the appointments even though youve saidf you want nothing to do with a termination.

[MiniN]

sharkie...this is a hard one and i really do feel for you.

but look at it this way...who do you you want more, your unborn child or your boyfriend?

to me it sounds like you want to keep the baby, you just need to be prepared for the consequences. you cant tell if you will split up/stay together if you keep the baby or not. so if you want this baby....you have to keep it.

[yogasun]

Hello sharkie
This is all very sad to read. I don't know anything about terminations as it took me years to conceive.
However, others will know - don't they 'counsel' women first to check that they really want to go ahead with a possible abortion as it is a big decision with often lifelong repercussions and possible trauma? It's just that they will see that you don't really want to have one as it will be difficult to hide your true feelings. As I said, I'm not familiar with the procedure and it might be 'sign on the dotted line' and that's it.
Having this abortion could be the biggest mistake of your life. Good luck to you.

[andy-hughes]

i can see that you want to do the right thing by everyone but you must start with yourself.

Only on eperson should ever make a termination appointment, and that is the pregnant woman.

Only one person should ever decide whether or not to attend the appointment, and that is the pregnant woman.

Ultimately, this is your decision, and he has no right to force you, however much he sugars the pill, into making a decision which, on the basis of what you have said, you do not agree with.

Cancel the appointment. Have a serious talk with him about you, him, and you and him, and a possible family.

I understand he finds the concept of fatherhood frightening - maybe you both went into it without considering the reality of a baby, but you need to make totally sure that you do what is right for you.

because with him or without him, you have to live with that decision, that's why it is yours and only yours to make.

Good luck, I hope you can move forward and be happy, what ever you decide, but obviously now is not the time to be making such life-changing decisions.

[Bbbananas]

If you want that baby sharkie, then you go ahead and have it.

It's untilmately your decision. And you are the one that will have to live with that decision once it's made and too late to undo it.

[LoftyLottie]

Please do not have this abortion just to keep your boyfriend. He is not worth keeping, although you probably cannot see this. Someone who truly loves you would respect your decision to keep the baby and, after all, it was a jointly planned pregnancy. Your boyfriend had no right to make an appointment for you. He is pressurising you into this.

Be strong and keep the baby if that is what you really want. If your boyfriend leaves you then it will only prove that he is not the right one for you and you will have had a lucky escape.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. I do wish you al lthe best.

[poohshunny]

Hi sharkie,
I felt so sad when I read your post. I fell pregnant with my son in the first month of trying. His father and I were over the moon and the pregnancy and birth went without a hitch. My son is now 11. Since having him, I suffered a miscarriage followed a few months later by an ectopic pregnancy, which almost killed me. He left me for someone else who very quickly fell pregnant. The ******* even said to me, "at least I've got someone that can give me more children, you can't seem to manage it"! I'm now married to a wonderful man and we want to start a family of our own. I suffered another miscarriage last year and now am taking medication to stimulate ovulation to help me get pregnant. I'm finding it so hard. What I wanted to say to you is, you never know what the future holds. If you want to keep your baby then do it. Heaven forbid you suffer like I have, but if you go through with an abortion would you not wonder what could have been? It's your body, your life, so therefore your decision and NOONE ELSES. I wish you all the very best in whatever you decide to do.

[MiniN]

sharkie....please come back and let us know what you are going to do

don't do something you might regret

[X--Smiley--X]

Don't have it.
If you are not 100% sure then don't because if you do then you will feel guilty about it for a long time. You can always have an abortion at a later stage but if you planned this baby and want to keep it don't feel pressurised by your boyfriend.
Good luck whatever you decide : )

[smudge]

To add to my previous comments - there must be so many women out there, who deeply regret having a termination & will always wonder - what if....?

There must be so many women out there, who so very nearly had a termination then changed their minds, only to go on to love their baby/babies unconditionally.

It's your decision sharkie, but please don't make a snap one - think about it for a few more days at least....

"Where's there's a will, there's a way". -x-

[X--Smiley--X]

Talk to your boyfriend and ask him why he does not want to have the baby and if it is because he is scared then try and tell him all the good points of a baby. I
know you love him but if there are no good reasons why he wants to have it and you do notwant to have it tell him this and if he can't cope with it its his loss not yours. If you really want it and he does not accept that then tell him that you can cope without him.