iligitimit children

[meltoadhall]

just out of interest and because I personally have very strong views on the subject.

do the people on ab who are not married and have children realise that their children are illigitimit or worse the b word?
does it bother you?

btw I'm not referring to widows or divorcees here, but those who have their children "out of wedlock"

there was an article in the paper this morning about it

[redcrx]

so what you are more annoyed about is that people arent as religious any more it seems.

I married, I divorced, i now have 2 children and may marry my partner in the future, but we are together as a family unit. I will not marry him purely because of opinions like yours.

ps. I was brought up a Christian and educated in a private catholic school. 2 girls in my year left school at 16 already pregnant. So much for a catholc upbringing eh?

[KARL]

This is only an issue in a limited number of countries, mostly those where religious bigotry (not necessarily inter-religious though) is a strong part of the culture/history. I know of places where marriage is entered into only after one or more children if the couple want to formalise/celebrate the relationship, but where that in itself does not change the legal position because the parents are still both responsible for supporting the children and most of the time are in a legally binding position regarding ownership, inheritance, etc. This is of course precisely what those (English among them) with narrow minded views requiring conformity to strict "norms" find appalling: Never mind that all parties involved are blissfully happy and prospering and that they are splendid contributors to society in general - they are not in a marriage so they will burn in hell (but not I, no, I made certain I could be seen by all humans to have conformed, never mind what else I did and managed to keep hidden)..

[cazzz1975]

I do have to agree whole heartedly with dot, a lot of lives have been ruined because of the "hush hush" victorian attitude of years ago, rose coloured glasses can make the past seem better but the same problems with society still existed, just behind closed doors instead.

[Nannyjill]

Was Jesus not born out of wedlock?

[zzxxee]

yes i have 2 daughters by 2 different fathers one is 12 one is 18 i was in a long term relationship with my youngest daughters dad who hit me throughoot the 7 years i was with him and my eldest daughters dad was not so nice either... i have been with my current partner for six years and we are getting married this year . The b word to describe children is awful and in this day and age should not be used my kids are children and very loved and secure and grounded young people who i am immensly proud of

[missrandom]

I cant believe your serious meltoadhall, who cares about a piece of paper, as long as the child is bought up with love and guidance and taught right from wrong........like not judging people!

[zzxxee]

here here miss random

[andy-hughes]

I'd have to agree with missrandom and similar opinions.

I think an approach of tolerance for the views andf lifestyles of others is far more important than insisting that your children conform to your own particular version of morality.

I have three daughters and I will always love and be very proud of them as they make their way through life. I have taught them to be loving and tolerant, and to treat others with respect. If they abide by that approach, that will do for me - their marriage and offspring arrangements are for them alone - they are all women of the world.

[zzxxee]

here here andy hughes

[zzxxee]

hear hear andy hughes

[carron81]

doesn't bother me.

my friends had a huge wedding, a reception in the place they got married then another reception a week later in their home town. both in very posh places would've cost a fortune.

one year later and they are now divorced. they'd been together 10 years before they got married and as soon as they wed it all went wrong.

out of all my friends there is about 2 of them who's parents are still together

[Velvetee]

I'm almost 6 months pregnant and unmarried. We will be getting married before the baby is born, because we are both old fashioned and would like baby to be born within wedlock.

[cazzz1975]

if you were old fashioned you would have waited until you were married to have sex.

[waterboatman]

People were having children long before religion poked it's nose in.

[Velvetee]

Well Cazz, ideally we would have married first before having children, but things work out that way sometimes and at 40, hanging onto ones virginity isn't always possible.

[stonekicker]

god - another old fart (mel) using religion as a vehicle to judge others and not have a wild and dangerous opinion of their own. personally, i think some religious people are far more disgusting than the issue 'trying' to be discussed here - using an outdated and patriarchal set of values that bear no relation to the modern world to judge others, justify narrow-minded or fascist views and religion is the cause of most problems/wars in the world anyway! i work with a bunch of born agains who spend their time passing judgement and trying to save our lost souls - while the liberal, fair-minded others don't! and get on famously as they are just more relaxed and accepting!! i have yet to find someone with strong religious views attempt successfully to logically discuss their beliefs with others and remind me of a group of sheep that have no direction of their own. i am comfortable with my moral compass and don't need anyone else telling me what it should be...don't you all feel sorry for mel?

[Nannyjill]

meltoadhall - I'm a bit confused how do you justify

" not referring to divorcees here"

and " I believe in the sanctity of marriage"

I didn't have my children or sleep with my husband until I was married but that was ages ago - my eldest child is nearly 40. I'd say I'm quite religious but that is between me and god. It doesn't mean that I expect my children or anyone else not to. None of my grandchildren were born out of "wedlock" but as my children were sleeping with their partners they could have been. Would I have loved the children any less? NO Would I have been bothered? NO. Would the children's parents been bothered? NO loved the children less? NO

Why do you hold such strong believes? Just curious really.

[sheribee]

I was born out of wedlock, does that mean im below those who werent??
Both my children were also, they took their dads name and i married him later, does that make me a bad person.. no!
what does it matter that parents arent married?? I love my children and they were both very much wanted, as most are, it makes no difference as to whether the parents are married.
What bothers me is small minded people saying that we are not normal, and different somehow, thats offensive!!

[Ice.Maiden]

So long as children are wanted, loved and cared for, it doesn't matter a jot whether the parents are married or not.