Why did you get married??

[Miss Chief]

I have a lot of friends that are married and I don't understand why.

A lot of them divorce soon after... one of my friends tells me he wishes he'd never married his wife (less than 3 years ago) as she's ruined him emotionally and financially.

Another friend's husband hated her wearing clothing that he thought was revealing. They divorced after less than 2 years marriage.

When I hear stories like this I cannot believe that everyone who gets married truely believes that the person they are marrying is the one - they must have alternative reasons for getting married. Not wanting to be lonely, that sort of thing.

Now, I'm not suggesting that everyone who marries does it for less than honourable reasons (and even fewer people would be willing to admit it if they did), but - why did you get married??

[sqad617]

Right place, right time..........wrong person.
The person that you marry is not necesarily the same person one year down the line....things and people change.

[CAJ1]

I'm not married yet but hope one day my boyfriend will ask me. I know I will say yes because I really do think he is the one. I can't imagine my future without him, I would never find anyone with all the qualities that he has and I can't imagine that he will significantly change if we do marry and tell me not to wear revealing clothes etc like your friend.

[craft1948]

'cos I loved him. We had 17 years together about 15 of which were brilliant so it may not have worked out in the end but was definitely worth it....

[sqad617]

zac.......20yrs?........get some time in mate. LOL

[Miss Chief]

I know people change after getting married, but in the two cases above, the spouses were like that before they got married - there are lots of examples where people clearly aren't going to work out in the long run and yet the weddings go ahead anyway. Why?

That's what I'm asking about, not about people who marry then someone changes.

[redcrx]

I amrried, because he was the one at the time. we'd been together 7 years and it seemed to be the next step before children.

I wonder if some people think that a wedding changes the relationship for the better and find out that its no different to before.

[craft1948]

when I got married in the 60's you didn't live together before you got married so it was all or nothing.....

[craft1948]

I think there are more happily married people out there than is realised. I am one of 3 children and the only divorced one - my sister has been married for 41 years and my brother for 30....

[sqad617]

miss chief.....I see you point....but as I say. right place, right time........what the hell, let's try.
The other point is that one of them knows that they are not right for each other, but the other one would be devastated if they broke up.
So....take the cowardly way out........and get married.

[China Doll]

Apparently divorce is higher among those who lived together first than those who didn't. I don't remember where I read that little gem but I recall thinking it did make a certain kind of sense.

[weeal]

In my case the 'ownership' bit didnt appear till he married me, then his real self shone through

There probably would have been subtle signs but you dont see them when youre loved up and tend to hope for the best

[yinyang]

Because i knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was the man that i wanted to spend every day with and grow old with. I wanted to take his name and bring up a family with him.
The Wedding itself wasn't the important part - we had around 20 guests - it was the marriage that mattered; and after 10 years married I still have no doubts in my mind.

On the other hand, my sister got married because they had been together 8 years, everybody expected them to and she didn't feel strong enough to back out. They were married only a few months.
I think my sister in law got married because she didn't want to be alone and thought an older man would take care of her. She was wrong, they're still together but they are far from happy and she can't see a way out.

[eltbus]

being of the "older generation", I married because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with the man I loved, and still love, after 45 years, three daughters, and ten grandchildren, later.I would not have it any other way. These day, in my own personal opinion, and I stress, personal opinion, it is a case of easy come easy go.Does any one agree with me?

[Scarlett]

Like you, thanks to facebook I am now in contact with a lot of my friends from school. Most have been married and are now divorced. Maybe that's just the pattern of nowadays. Marry in your mid- to late twenties, have a coupla kids, get divorced, start a new chapter later. Many of my friends are single and in their late 30s.

[hippyhoppy]

I got married because I was expecting and my dad is a bit 'old school'. In fact, I wasn't even asked.. he told his parents before he told me we were getting married.. I got no ring and was back at work the following Monday.. and they say romance is dead...! The final part of the divorce comes though in about a month!! ;-)

[Miss Chief]

Thanks for your answers.

I guess it's interesting. I have been in a 5 year relationship and ended it rather than taking the 'natural next step' so I find it incredible that people would get married to someone they've been with for a while, just because they've been together for a while.

That's not me being smug (I am single and would love to meet 'the one'), it's me genuinely not understanding why someone would make a 60 year committment to someone when they've been together, say 5 years and already the only reason they're still together is because one of them doesn't have the guts to end it and go it alone.

The friend I've mentioned above whose wife has ruined him has freely admitted that the only reason that he doesn't divorce her is because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. So instead, he's going to carry on in this marriage being miserable and probably making her miserable too (there are no kids involved).

I don't get it. :0(