Boyfriends mum...

[CAJ1]

A few months after I met my boyfriends mum (about 2 years ago) I let her know that I was fostered and therefore wasn't in contact with my family, didn't see them etc. I told her so that she wouldn't keep asking me about them. Anyway, she always asks me about them and isn't very sensitive about the issue. For example, on mothers day she asks if I send a card to my mum. When I said I was going away on holiday down near where I used to live she said oh you can introduce your boyfriend to your family now and I (again) explained I had no family. She said you must have aunts or some relatives. I explained (again) that I don't.

I think from the way she gets on in general she's maybe a little stupid/quirky but surely she must know not to bring up the subject even if she does have some kind of problem. I've mention to my boyfriend but he said she doesn't mean any harm by asking. Do you really think she doesn't know what she's doing and how do I stop it?

[paraffin]

CAJ:

It's obvious that he either doesn't believe you or else she's the most insensitive person around!

Either way, it's down to you to sort her out once and for all because it sounds like your b/f's a bit of a mummy's boy who isn't going to do it for you!

Good luck.

[CAJ1]

Hi paraffin,

He knows she does it because he's sat there when she's done it. She is prone to flying off the handle though so I think he avoids an argument over it. I really do think she has a screw loose but being his mum I can't really be too mean! We go up every Sunday for lunch so I don't want to make things awkward but am not willing to put up with it anymore. Just thought I'd see if you lot thought I should keep quiet or say to her.

Thanks paraffin

[albaqwerty]

is she maybe talking about your foster family? obviously you know her and I don't. Tell her it upsets you when she talks like that.

[CAJ1]

No she is definitly talking about my real family (I don't really have a foster family anyway).

Next time she brings it up then I will say to her politely that I don't like her asking me about family as I have told her I don't have any and would appreciate her not asking any more.

I don't really find it upsetting as I have dealt with the issue, I just get annoyed as I have told her, she knows and yet still asks me questions. And its not asking things like me growing up etc, its ridiculous questions like the mothers day one.

[albaqwerty]

she is definitely insensitive at best. hope all goes well when you tell her. Firmly but politely.

alba x

[CAJ1]

Thanks alba, I'll let you know as it will inevitably happen again! x

[kira000]

Net time she does it, i would burst in to tears and start howling.
Make her feel really guilty!!

[pinktwink]

hicaj perhaps she doesnt understand the whole fostering thing. I dont think its unreasonable for others to ask its a natural curiousity. That doesnt make it easy but it seems its more an issue for you?? You should be proud of yourself it doesnt matter if you were fostered you arent anymore. I work with children in care and there is a curiosity from others about their family. It is natural to ask if you have other relatives to have contact with as most children in care have an extended family some of whom they have never met. At least she shows an interest in your like

[welshlibranr]

Just ignore it! She'll get tired of it if she thinks it doesn't bother you, play her game! she thinks she's found a weak spot and so she's using it, if you keep calm and tell her the same thing a few times, she will get tired, you just need to stay calm and play her at her game, good luck...........welsh

[CAJ1]

Thats a good idea kira!

Hi pinktwink,
I can understand she may be curious but I have told her I have no family, extended or otherwise. I wouldn't mind so much if she said do you have extended family? I just don't see how asking me if I sent my mum a card on mothers day is curiosity, I think its mean. She shows an interest in my current life and I appreciate that. I am proud of who I am and what I have acheived and my being fostered is not an issue for me, it just gets to me that someone could be so insensitive when they know the score.

Thanks welsh...I may keep it up then!

[1rovert]

Tell her you come from a long line of mother-in-law murderers, that should shut her up.