Adoption

[pericat]

I had a thread about this a few months back, is anyone around who answered me on it ?

[tonyav]

I dont know peri, but there is bound to be someone on here that knows how to do it.

[tonyav]

yes i went into parenting, but it dosn't go back far enough.

[dothawkes31]

http://www.theanswerb...g/Question809798.html

[pericat]

maybe someone can tell me later how to post the link - its a long long story tony with a lot of background - but the last thing I am going to do is get involved - he has to make these decisions and will get support (not monetary) from us.

[jackthehat]

peri -ope up the question in your browser.
On your browser page right at the top of the screen you'll see

http://www.the answerbank.co.uk/parenting/Question ???????.html.

Left-click AFTER the html and keeping the button down swipe the cursor backwards (i.e. left) to high-light the contents of the bar, including 'http'.

Once it is high-lighted, press the Ctrl key at the same time you press the 'c' key.

Then open an answer window, click until your cursor appears and press Ctrl and the 'v'key.

It ought to paste your question onto the page.

[pericat]

thanks dot

[pericat]

thanks jack - at least i know for future reference

[jackthehat]

My pleasure :o)
I hope someone can help with your dilemma................

[pericat]

thanks

[dothawkes31]

peri, i think I understand a little of your concern for your son, my son was 17 when my grandson came along, i had 7 weeks notice that his 15.5 yr old GF was pregnant, I was the only one who could do anything practical to help, it was a terrible time but now over 10 teaqrs later you know yourself how important my grandson is in my life. Don't let the 'right way to do things' get in the way of the future of your grandchild. I'd move mountains for mine, and I have never regretted making it clear that he was number 1 in all our lives. Don't think about your son now, like us, he's going to be a parent and has to come alot further down the order of things.

[pericat]

the difference here is that this girl was never his girlfriend - that doesnt mean he shouldnt take responsibility - she lives on benefits in a flat in a bad part of city with 2 kids already and their father is in prison for drugs - im just going to say this - there is a feeling that she might feel she is onto a good thing here - that is another reason why i dont want to be rushing in - i will prob be criticised for this but it is a very dodgy situation - i have so many feelings - if this is my grandchild how do i cope with him living where he is living - there are so many things

[dothawkes31]

that sounded harsh, but my eldest son grew up awfully quick when i told him he was now an adult and he needed to srep up and be the dad he needed to be, blloody worked too, there was no time for counselling or thinking about him, he had to get on and make things work for his new family and he did, sorry, it's easy to type it now but it was a tough time back then

[pericat]

My son was given every opportunity and support - he has problems - major confidence problems for a start - depression etc etc - he will be given every support but I just cannot make it easy for him and literally be left holding the baby

[sara3]

peri, you're about to become a grandma. do you want to see the baby? will the mother be okay with this?

support your son but think of yourself too.

it doesn't matter (in theory) where he lives, so long as he's brought up okay x

[pericat]

not harsh dot - youre just telling me your experience which i appreciate. But this girl is about 23/24 with 2 kids already and was never a girlfriend and baby comes a month early - we have our own business which might make us appear well off to people in a different area - its far from it - sorry if this sounds awful its just that everything is going through my mind and i dont know what to think - to anyone who would criticise me I am the type of person who gives everybody a chance and thinks situations through till i am blue in the face and always looks at all sides of the equation !

[dothawkes31]

the harsh reality of the child's situation is that the baby's mum will qualify for more benefit and that may well be a reason she has decided to keep the child, sorry if i am judging her unfailry but it is based on what you have said, if that is the case, and she already has two kids, then she will be able to keep the baby fed and clothed, maybe the relationship that never was with your son looks like an issue to you now, but you are the childs grandparent and should think of your own feelings and future relationship, without making it sound easy, i would just make sure the mum knows that.

[pericat]

sara - we've never met her and i dont know what she wants. I do feel that if i went in at an early stage I would take some responsibility from my sons shoulders and i dont want to do this

[dothawkes31]

but peri, has he taken on any of that responsibility, or are you just waiting for it to click with him?

[pericat]

dot how do i do that, what do i say - sorry about this - i am so confused

[pericat]

still waiting for it to click - i got a text a couple of hours ago from him telling me she had gone in and he didnt know what to do - he is like a little child but i need him to be a man now - the time has come for decision making and not putting things off any more - nobody else know about this except my husband and myself so everything is going through my mind - my girls, extended family - in fact im actually getting palpitations at the moment