Emailing Evil Stepmum

[numnum]

My stepmum is wanting a divorce form my dad and it looks like she has been the money grabber we always predicted

They've only been married a year, well 2 but seperated a year and she's being very nasty. I would love to contact her and let her know what me and my brother think of her and how its upsetting us so much. I speak to my dad everyday and he's in tears the whole time, not eating, sleeping and she's being a bit of a madam

If i was to contact her and let her know my thoughts could this be used against my dad in a divorce?

[daffy654]

I would keep out of it if I were you. You could be seen to be putting undue pressure on the stepmum. It won't look good to the solicitors and any judges involved in the divorce.

[boxtops]

This is related to this post http://www.theanswerb...w/Question982792.html

I would stay out of it if I were you, I seriously advise you not get involved at the moment, just be there to support your dad. You said the bank account etc are frozen so there are obviously solicitors on the case. You won't make anything easier for your dad by berating your stepmum, it could make her bitterness against him worse rather than better.

[milly143]

Don't do it. You'll probably find it will end up winding you up more and you're Dad will probably not want you interfering in that way.

If the woman is as bad as you say she is, it's far better to keep a dignified silence and let your Dad take comfort in you.

[numnum]

she wanted to kill him so things cant get any worse!!!! i think she's lost the plot and definately has some sort of pmt or bipolar condition from what i've seen but without help she just loses it

[milly143]

Well if that's the case then sending someone like that an angry and agressive e-mail isn't going to make her want to send you a bunch of flowers is it. You're just asking for trouble.

[boxtops]

Sounds like it won't be your problem much longer, then, if they are divorcing. However unless you have medical evidence and a diagnosis though, I wouldn't say things like that about her mental health in public at this delicate stage - she could say that you are making defamatory statements against her, and make matters a lot worse.....

[numnum]

she just annoys me. shes threating my dad saying shes going to contact me, my brother and my mum but we all know whats gone on then after she's threatend him and got him into a panic she sends us nicey nicey emails about whats gone on. when we know shes just gone mental at my dad then within minutes sent us an email

she needs to know shes not right. the lady is in her 40's and phones up her mum calling her an f**ing old bag and nasty things. who in their 40's does that, thats something a silly teenager would come out with. so if thats how she speaks to her own mother they i don't know what she's like to my dad. it must be bad as i've witnessed the panic in my dad after she's phoned

[numnum]

i think unfortinately it'll be a long process. she'll fight for as much as she can get. what annoys me even more is my mum left my dad and everything was amicable. and they were married for 20 years and had 2 kids

they've been married for 2 years, split for 1 and no kids and she's expecting everything.

[Invictas]

I am really sorry for your Dad,and happy that he has a daughter that obviously thinks the world of him,BUT and there is a big but,I really don't think what you are suggesting would do any good.
If your Stepmother is as you say she is (and I have no doubt she is) then ANY email would do no good at all(as she would probably just ignore it) or at it's worst it might inflame her even more against you dear old Dad(but not legally I don't think).
It wouldn't make your Dad feel any better would it.
I don't think it would even make you feel better,because if you don't see any response from your Stepmother it may only serve to drive the hatred of her even deeper into you,and make you suffer even more;and why should YOU suffer?
I truly do appreciate what you feel,but I really think that thiis is a time when the saying"Let sleeping dogs lie" applies.
Your Stepmother may be a dog,so let her lie.or she may try and bite your Dad,even if she has no "teeth"
Stay calm,and be there(as you are) for your Dad.
He is the one you need to concentrate all your energies on now.
Once all this is sorted he is going to continue to need you.
I wish I had a Daughter like you,fighting my cause.

[milly143]

I once wrote a letter expressing similar feelings, stuck it in an envelope and put it in my bag ready to post. After a few days I decided not to post it and about 10 years later I am still glad I made that decision. I can gaurantee I would still regret having sent it even though I still hold the same feelings to that person.

[boxtops]

Set your emails so that anything from her goes straight into your spam box, you don't have to read them or rise to them. It's underhand to try to get round you and your family while she's being nasty to your dad, she can't have it both ways. Don't respond to her emails at all, while things are with the solicitors it's all too easy to say something which could be taken out of context and stir things up worse for your Dad.
Don't be influenced by what she calls her own mother even though it's horrid - not your business.
As long as your dad has good legal advice, you might find that she shouldn't even be contacting your dad and upsetting him while things are at this stage. Make sure that your dad's solicitor knows all about this, she can't be allowed to bully him into giving way and giving her stuff she's not legally entitled to. Tell your dad not to answer the phone, suggest he tells her that everything's got to be negotiated in writing via the solicitors. He can't be bullied like this.

[numnum]

i think i'll write it and post it once the divoce goes through and i see what she gets!!! i know my brother is wanting to phone her. he witnessed her mad behaviour once and wanted to say something then

[boxtops]

Numnum, I really wouldn't - write it and burn it, get it out of your system - but if you write to her after the divorce, it gives her an excuse to keep contacting you afterwards, I don't think you'll want that, you'll all want to draw a line under it and forget her.

[numnum]

i have tried to tell my dad not to contact her but one minute shes saying they'll discuss things and try to negotiate a deal rather than paying a huge lawyers bill and wasting any money they have then the next she says she never said that even though he has an email to prove it!!!

he's dealing with a very difficult person and he's doing everything she says

that is a good point, they really shouldn't be speaking especially when she's making things up and dad has caught out lies when he has evidence to prove it

[ljdksa]

I agree with the others. I think getting involved may inflame the situation - no matter how tempting it is! Carry on giving your Dad lots of support. It may be an idea for you and your brother to write an official statement that your dad could give to his solicitor about her behaviour? I don't know if that would help or not.

[DTCwordfan]

You still need to be somewhat careful as divorce agreements can put clauses on 'defamation' in on both parties.........stay out of it would be my advice, however frustrating that may be. Support your Dad, he doesnt need you causing additional problems now or down the line.

[Invictas]

Please don't post it,even after the divorce,it will only stir things up agai.
In all this we must try and put your Dad first.
I know it's easy to play " tit for tat" but if this woman is genuinely mentally ill(or even not) it won't get you anywhere,she will go on doing what she does now even after the divorce.
What you have to do is(in a way) regard her as dead.Don't answer any emails,don't contact her,and especially don't ring her.If she rings you,and you know her voice,don't say anything just put the phone down,or let the phone ring onto the answering service.
Believe me it's better to cut her out of your Dad's life,and your families,that to allow this bickering and retaliation to go on now and AFTER the divorce.
Nobody wins in this pointless war,and the one that gets wounded most woll be your poor old defenceless Dad.
I know it's difficult not to rise to her taunts,but in the end you will be the winner and she won't.

[tigwig]

Num num I have nothing further to add to what others have said about this post but I did notice a week or so ago you were asking for me on another thread and wondered why?

[horseshoes]

Try this which somebody once suggested to me: write a letter telling her EXACTLY what you think of her and then instead of sending it, burn it. Odd, but it does help.

[numnum]

thanks for all your advice. going to keep out it and especially dont want to send anything if it could look bad for my dad if or when it goes to court

tigwig - thanks again for getting back to me. this is my dads drama. the drama i was mentioning was my mums boyfriend. theres drama on both sides at the minute. if its not my mum crying on the phone its my dad!!!! never a dull moment.