Scary Stuff From Oxford University
News1 min ago
We always hear about David and Ed Milliband, but nobody ever talks about their equally famous elder brother Glen, whose flight disapeared over the Channel.
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What part of the human body is called the "yet"?
I don't know either, but in the paper it said this lady got shot and they haven't got the bullet out of her yet.
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My Next door neighbour Mrs Cooper has just given birth to a Bouncing Baby Boy,
I said to her ," Have you thought of A name Yet"?
"Tommy",came the Reply,
I thought now There's a Name to Conjure With..
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I saw a nun in a wheelchair this morning.
All I could think of was Blimey,Virgin Mobile.
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I watch so many crime movies documentaries when I turn the telly off I wipe the remote control to get rid of my fingerprints.
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My mother-in-law has asked for 'bath stuff' for Christmas.
So I've bought her an electric toaster.
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(In the chip shop)
ME: "Have you got any fishcakes?"
CHIPPY: "Yes."
ME: "Great, it's my goldfish's birthday."
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Little known fact: There is a patron saint of checking bread rolls before taking them out of the oven.
Saint John The Bap Test.
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She said she wanted a man who would take her breath away.
So I farted.
Now she won't speak to me!
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My wife is really annoying me at the minute with this tropical fruit diet...it is enough to make a mango crazy.
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My wife was getting annoyed that I kept leaving freezer door open and it kept on defrosting.
We have since split up, it’s all water under the fridge.
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