And There's More

[Rondy]

Children are such cry babies.
Where does it say that when you do magic tricks, the rabbit you pull out of the hat has to be alive?

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My grandad only ever had one goal in his life...... which wasn't very good for a centre forward!

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Item for sale in the local newspaper:

"Antique sewing table refinished by my wife, £30. [If she’s home, £100.]"

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I used to get all my clothes online.
Then the neighbours started taking in their washing at night.

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My missus has just told me she has broken her Satnav and wants £150 for a new one.
She can get lost.

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If l had 50p for every time l've failed a maths test. l would have £11.30 now.

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55 years ago the Apollo 11 mission landed on the moon.
May their names live on forever:
Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and that other bloke.

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The forecast this weekend is for constant rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, hy tydes, tawnaydoes and frizzing colde. Also hurrycanes.
A really bad spell of wether.

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I suppose if the Olympics ended Sunday at a French nude beach, there would be a clothing ceremony.

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[Hymie]

Apollo 11 – without looking it up, I think his name was Michael Collins (no doubt someone will correct me) – but he never set foot on the moon and remained in the command-module circling the moon.

[Canary42]

You are correct Hymie.

[JBW1366]

I'm sorry but I don't get the Sewing Machine one - what am I missing?

[Patsy33]

Good ones! 😁😆