A Few More

[Rondy]

I went to McDonalds today, it was tipping down with rain.
He said what can I get you?
I said a Big Mac please.

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Paddy goes into a John Lewis department store and asks the shopkeeper, "Excuse me sir, but do you sell potato clocks?"
The shopkeeper looks at him and says, "Are you mad ?, We sell cuckoo clocks, carriage clocks, grandfather clocks, alarm clocks... what the feck is a potato clock?"
And Paddy says, "I don't know, but I start my new job at nine tomorrow, and the wife said 'You'd better get a potato clock.'...!!!

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I once tried to buy a house on an Indian reservation, I asked,”Does it come with running water?” He replied,”No, get your own wife.”

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Me: "I'm completely out of breath, I didn't know how much that would take out of me."
The personal trainer: "Sir, that was just a tour of the gym."

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My wife says if I sit around all day not moving, I'll get atrophy.
Brilliant! I've never won anything in my life.

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To get his mind off his losing streak at Chester races, I took my friend horseback riding. Being a novice, he freaked when his horse took off.
"How do I get it to slow down?!" he yelled.
"Bet on it!" I shouted back.

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BREAKING NEWS!...
They"ve found a 20 stone cream bun on Mars...
They think it’s an Extra Cholesterol!!

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Breaking News
Man faints on luggage carousel at Manchester Airport.
He is slowly coming round.

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My mate stopped me and asked me where I was going. I said: "I'm off to the cinema to see The fat and the furious."
He said: "Don't you mean The fast and the furious?"
I said: "No, the wife and mother in law both work there."

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When she said lets do unspeakable things.
Reading Welsh railway stations wasnt quite what I had in mind.

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I should’ve known better than to flush my wooden shoes down the toilet,
now my toilet is clogged.

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