Destroyed by married man

[LaurenD]

I have read with great interest a number of posts concerning relationships with married men, and I agree with all of them.
However, I am on the brink of desperation regarding my situation.
After 2 years it is obvious he wasn't going to leave his wife or commit, and the past year has been a series of rows between us. He wanted to stay for the children, but wouldn't commit to me on any level, except to say he and his wife lead separate lives, separate bedrooms, ad nauseum, and that they would never get back together, ever.
Two weeks ago, after another bad patch he was silent for many days, before texting to say it was no longer fair to keep me caged and trapped, and that we must both find happiness now.
He has ended it with me so often I took little notice, but was so fed up with it all myself that I deleted his number.
8 days later, his boss (with whom I work remotely) emailed to express amazement that married man had decided to make another go of it with his wife. It was, of course, the first I'd heard of it. The floor fell from beneath me. It's not the fact that they are back together, despite his constant bitching and hatred towards her, but that he didn't have the guts to tell me.
I have emailed him a very short email to that effect, and have heard nothing back from him, no explanation, nothing.
I am due at a big social event tonight and I want to run away crying. I'm not sure I can ever get over this betrayal. I have been used by him for his own means - to chat when he's down, for support, advice, money (not so much sex, we never met up very often as I hated the double life) - and now I've been thrown on the bonfire when they decide to reunite.
Please don't tell me to keep busy. I've been busier than ever and I feel no better.

[mccfluff]

count your blessings, he sounds like a nob and you are well rid.

don;t go tonight if you don;t feel like it

[emmie]

sorry to add to your woes, but married men rarely leave their wives. And if they do, what is to say you aren't the next victim, when he dumps you and waltzes off with the secretary.

[penelope2]

I'm interested in one sentence from your post, i.e " I'm not sure that I can ever get over this betrayal" !. Neither can his wife I suspect, but at least now you know how it feels. ' Serves you right' comes to mind.

[daffy654]

Unfortunately for you this is a very common happening for women who get involved with married men.

[Maggoty]

Nothing I can say hon - you know the answers. it just doesn't help the hurt tho.

Don't go tonight if you are feeling that rotten. You will either be totally miserable or over compensate, get ratted and get into a worse position than you are now.

Again it won't help - but you already know this - it does get better. :-)

Alison

(ps don't drink - it'll only make you feel worse)

xx

[craft1948]

You're the one shagging a married man, have you no pride?

[Kiki-frog]

Lauren, any guy who is prepared to cheat on his wife isn't worth bothering with. If he'd stayed with you, chances are he would have gone on to have another bit on the side in due course. You've had a lucky escape, girl. There are loads of decent men out there. I hope you find someone who is worthy of you.

[mccfluff]

penelope - hes the one who is cheating not her

[QuizmasterG]

If it is obvious he won't leave his wife (for whatever excuse - sake of the children etc etc) in the short term, it is unlikely he is going to do it after 2 years!

The best thing to do in the circumstances is to walk away and don't look back. The heartache is difficult in the short term but it is better than months (or years) of torment.

The only advice I have given is never get involved with people in other relationships - it is not worh the grief (been there, done that, wasted what seemed like eons of my life)

Be free!

[ummmm]

Staying for the kids = I can't be bothered with the hassle of leaving.

[suagrtits]

no good comes from having a affair with a married man...ever. Sorry to sound harsh but you were used and you let him get away with it, what a b******* though to carry on with his marriage as though nothing has happened, his poor poor wife!
I know its easier said than done but forget about him and move on and take this as a harsh lesson learnt , stay away from married men!

[penelope2]

mccfluff; so she's just an innocent victim then? She was a knowing participant in the guy's extramarital relationship/affair and deserves all she is now getting.

[ummmm]

Breaking up a home is a very expensive business. Mortgages, maintenance...etc.

Not all men that have affairs do so because the opportunity arises. Some are stuck, and truly unhappy.

[ummmm]

Penelope - I don't think she vowed to stay faithful to his wife. That would have been him...

[mccfluff]

she still isn't the one cheating HE is.

no she's not innocent abut it still doens't mean she isn;t hurting

[craft1948]

If you get involved with a married man you deserve all the grief you get......no sympathy whatsoever.

[LaurenD]

All of you are right - I WAS a fool to get involved and especially since there was genuine mileage to the marriage which I was kept in the dark about. But I also agree with the fact that he simply couldn't be bothered to leave - set up in a new home, away from all this is familiar? You're so right. All of this I would've accepted had he had the guts to tell me. I have said to him from day one that if there was any chance of them reuniting, I would step away and be happy for them. Every time, he denied that there was even the slightest chance. I'm glad at least that I've made him aware that I know, and that he hasn't managed to pull the wool over my eyes. Thank you everyone, I will report back.

[TOWIE]

Sounds Lauren you have been his Counsellor for the past 2 years.

[Kiki-frog]

craft, that's a bit harsh. It's very easy to be taken in by the 'my wife doesn't understand me/my home life is so unhappy' crap. I've done it myself, and as far as I'm concerned my only wrongdoing was stupidity and gullibility. He, however, was the cheating scumbag leading both me and his wife up the garden path.

[cazzz1975]

my advice is to stop contacting him, yes its going to hurt but you will never get what you truly want out of a relationship with this man, cut your losses and move on while you can. I realise its easier said than done and I have no doubt you will feel terrible for a long time. it will get easier in time x