Separation Anxiety?

[natalie_1982]

Hi all, did anyone experience separation anxiety with their babies and to what extent? And how long did it last for?

My nine month old has been acting really out of character the past week, we have always had a set routine, particularly around bedtime, and the past week she is just point blank refusing to sleep, whether it be for naps or bedtime, even though she is exhausted. She has been fine gong off to nursery on the mornings I work, but then she has been going since six months so she doesn't know any different and she loves it there. It's only sleep times that is the problem, it's been getting worse and worse for a week, the past three nights she had whinged on and off from 7pm til 2am then slept til 6, but last night she was up ALL night. There are no tears, she doesn't seemed in pain atall, the only word I can use to describe it is incessant moaning / whinging type noise? As soon as she is with somebody out of bed she is fine again, I don't think it is the laying down that hurts her as she will lay down with me or her dad. At the moment she is in her walker happy as larry, we have been doing the usual during the days - reading, singing, playing, etc and she is absolutely fine and her normal smiley self. She is also fine with grandparents and other relatives which makes me wonder if it is separation anxiety afterall? Help, please! xx

[lorri24601]

This is a very long shot but it happened to us, my daughter was same only played up when put in her cot, but would be fine as soon as taken out of it.Then one day when i was taking off the quilted decorative top cover that someone had made for her when she was born,to wash it, something stabbed me, and i found a large needle that had been left inside when it was being made.I cant tell you how guilty i felt :-( and still cant believe it took so ( 6mths ish) for it to by chance stab me and solve the mystery.

[tigwig]

Well this sounds very puzzling! If she really isn't screaming when she is left maybe there could be something else that is bothering her.
I guess the only thing you can do is strip her cot down as lorri suggests and if you find nothing just carry on as you are and hope she gets over it soon!
If you keep with the same routine I am sure she will realise bed means sleep time and go back to how she was eventually. I would avoid getting her out if you can because that will create the problem of getting her used to been in bed with you.
Does she have a mobile you can play to her? Or a light show to distract her?
Good luck, I hope she settles down soon.

[natalie_1982]

Thanks lorri, I have checked her mattress and there is nothing there and she has different blankets all the time with the same results!

I have checked online and it looks like separation anxiety, but the advice is to let them cry it out or controlled crying. We tried this the night before last and she got so upset she was sick everywhere and we had to bath her and change the bed! She very rarely cries so it's not something any of us are used to!

[natalie_1982]

Thanks tigwig - she has always had the same routine, and has been sleeping through the night since 5weeks. There have been no changes in circumstances to make her feel uneasy so it is very puzzling x

[Lil O'lady]

Is it a stimulus issue? One of my kids was a complete nuisance till he could speak, and then even better once he got the rudiments of books and videos. He craved both information and a means of expressing himself. Is it of any use to try having stories and / or gentle music playing so your babe can listen at bedtime (obviously you can't sit n read all buddy night but a cd player can do this for you).
I doubt it is separation anxiety as this would cause merry hell when you dropped her off in the morning.

Once they can do the Times crossword they sort themselves out of an evening....

[natalie_1982]

LOL@ Lil O Lady

She is trying to talk at the moment, trying to copy sounds that we make to her so it could be a frustration issue? We play lots of games and singing, go for walks, etc etc so I don't think it's stimulus in that sense.

I have tried reading to her - no joy, she has a mobile and a night light, and a side lamp, but none of them worked either. I do have a nursery rhymes CD though and I might give that a go tonight and leave that playing in the background.

As yet *touches wood* it hasn't caused a problem dropping her at nursery, but it has been getting progressively worse over the week, especially this weekend, and tomorrow will be her first day back since it got really bad so will have to wait and see.

Thanks for your suggestions everyone :-)

[terambulan]

Now she is older and more aware, she does not want to be apart from parents or alone in a room. Try blanketting her up in front of tv where you are. If she still wakes when put to bed then she will want to share your bed.

I can assure you she wont want to share your bed when she's 18.......the joys of children!

[natalie_1982]

I should hope not terambulan, she takes up enough space already!

It is easier to let us sleep in bed with us, but she still wakes up murmering when we are with her so I don't want to get into the habit of having her in our bed, if she is going to be upset either way! Half the time she is so tired she is doing it with her eyes closed, although not asleep.

[Psychick]

Nursery rhymes may confuse her, she may think its time for playing rather than going to sleep. Try something else like the radio or soothing music, that way she isnt in silence but at the same time isnt expecting play.

Good luck!

[terambulan]

Never mind about habits.....you want a secure and happy child? If that is her demand you will have to cope with it - or move her bed into your bedroom.

All part of parenting; she has inherited both your genes of not wanting to sleep alone.

[natalie_1982]

Thanks Psy :-)

Terambulan, I do have a secure and happy child, she is going through a phase most all children go through and having her in our bed isn't helping her or us.

[Solarjunkie]

Well, this is just a guess, but maybe she has had a really bad dream. The association is between bed = unpleasant experience and of course she doesn't have the language to express it. I think I'd try sleeping on a campbed in her room, so while she is still in her bed she is not alone, and hope that after a week or two and some good sleep she will associate sleeping with good things again.
This will pass!
All the best.

[redcrx]

seperation anxiety often starts at about this time, so it could well be that.
With my son i used to walk out of the room and then "peekaboo" back if he started to whinge. Id do this as often as required, leaving it a bit longer each time so that he knew that i wasnt goin for long.
With baby CRX she will wake in night whinging and crying if shes got teeth coming, but soon settles. Otherwise she will wake and play and i will leave her to play as shes happy.
4getmenot bought her a lovely pressie at xmas which she has in bed http://www.leapfrogshop.co.uk/leapfrogshop/sha pes_with_ella.html
it has a day and a night setting, at night it just glows and has a very short piece of music, but wont play which settles her.
Its a stage that most babies will go through, and its hard to know how to deal with it tbh, its a case of trial and error until you find something that suits you all.

[pink-kittens]

As Red :-)

9 months is classic SA stage - another happens at around the age of 3 (I think).

Personally, I would stay in the room until she is alseep - I did with my younger daughter and at the age of 5 she nows goes off by herself and has done from around the age of 2

I don't know about you, but I used to get panicky at aged 15 if I lost my mum in the supermarket

[natalie_1982]

Thanks guys, we did bath and bed as usual last night and she slept soundly until 7am! Which was bad luck for me because I anticipated another bad night and so went to bed at 7pm, only to wake at 2am thinking it was time to get up! lol

I dropped her at nursery this morning as usual, and she was fine when I left - I rang in at lunchtime, and they said she got a little bit tearful a few mins after I had gone, but they gave her a cuddle and she fell asleep, so it could have been that she was tired.

[tabytha]

welcome to the beginnings of the perils of parent hood it has nothin to do with "seperation issues".

[redcrx]

it can be so many things cant it, i wish someone would write an instruction manual
bugs
teething
tummy ache
over tiredness
seperation
etc etc etc

the list goes on.

Im glad she such a good night last night, i hope she continues. x

[natalie_1982]

The beginnings of the perils of parenthood started when she was in my belly! LOL

[redcrx]

shes also at an age where shes so aware of whats going on around her that she might be like mine and refusing to sleep in case she misses anything. If they dont get enough sleep in day it can affect their night time sleeping patterns.

[annie0000]

Our friends little girl always ended up in their bed and despite them both thinking it was a bad idea, in the end, the need for sleep always took over and in she came. As she got older, they were trying to wean her off it and one night as she wandered through yet again, I think she was about 4 at the time, they said to her, "you really need to sleep in your own room, there is nothing to be scared of". Her answer was, "well, you two get to share and I am the youngest and the one who is scared, so why do I have to be on my own?"

You just can't argue with that logic can you!

Personally, although my kids never slept in our bed other than on the very rare occasion if they were ill or something, they did have their cot at the side of our bed until they were around 1. I don't know if having her share your room but not your bed is a practical option or whether this would help.

p.s. Our friends daughter is almost 8 and has happily slept in her own room and bed for the last couple of years, so it doesn't last forever!