Religion & Spirituality1 min ago
Au Pair Girl and Dress Code (White Blouse & Black Skirt)
48 Answers
This may be a longer question.
Our family has hosted a young, live-in au pair girl, since August 2011 (when she was 16 years old, which is OK where I live). She leaves later this month (June 2012), and we're going to host a second girl who will arrive in August this year. She's been allowed to wear what she wants for ordinary days (except revealing), but for special events (like parties in our home, birthdays, Christmas), work-related meetings with her in our home and even weekends, we've required her to dress nice wearing clothes like a white blouse and a black skirt (we've been paying for the clothes, so that's no problem), looking representative for the family. She has agreed with this as it was already written down in the house rules from the beginning.
I know some people don't like this, but my problem has been, that she after accepting my rules has refused to do it. I decided to keep hosting the girl, as she actually did good job (and our daughter likedher). Of course, she always wore those clothes when I told her, but sometimes we had to argue a lot before. The first time seemed hopeless, even if she did as we say, it wasn't easy at all. From late September things seemd to become better, and she seemed to finally accept it even if she didn't like it (she even said that to me). Late November-mid January (Christmas season) was a new series of outbreaks, then she calmed down again. After that, she has sometimes had some new outbreaks (and I really hate bad behaviour). I've tried to talk to her several times, and she just said she hates it and it's un-fomfort. I just told her it may be the same with those girls who work in restaurants, for example.
If the new girl will act the same, how can I handle this better?
Our family has hosted a young, live-in au pair girl, since August 2011 (when she was 16 years old, which is OK where I live). She leaves later this month (June 2012), and we're going to host a second girl who will arrive in August this year. She's been allowed to wear what she wants for ordinary days (except revealing), but for special events (like parties in our home, birthdays, Christmas), work-related meetings with her in our home and even weekends, we've required her to dress nice wearing clothes like a white blouse and a black skirt (we've been paying for the clothes, so that's no problem), looking representative for the family. She has agreed with this as it was already written down in the house rules from the beginning.
I know some people don't like this, but my problem has been, that she after accepting my rules has refused to do it. I decided to keep hosting the girl, as she actually did good job (and our daughter likedher). Of course, she always wore those clothes when I told her, but sometimes we had to argue a lot before. The first time seemed hopeless, even if she did as we say, it wasn't easy at all. From late September things seemd to become better, and she seemed to finally accept it even if she didn't like it (she even said that to me). Late November-mid January (Christmas season) was a new series of outbreaks, then she calmed down again. After that, she has sometimes had some new outbreaks (and I really hate bad behaviour). I've tried to talk to her several times, and she just said she hates it and it's un-fomfort. I just told her it may be the same with those girls who work in restaurants, for example.
If the new girl will act the same, how can I handle this better?
Answers
IMO your house, your rules.
As long as it's explicit from the start, it shouldn't be a problem.
As long as it's explicit from the start, it shouldn't be a problem.
13:19 Thu 07th Jun 2012
Well, what are you employing? A nanny? A co-hostess for the diplomatic parties you hold?
She's an au pair. She's supposed to be treated and behave like a daughter of the same age, if you had one (good luck with that, from one who's had a daughter LOL) What do you propose to do to overcome the crippling embarrassment you must feel when strangers see her in clothes which, to your shock and horror are not dressy enough for the occasion? M'dear it must absolutely ghastly for you.
I honestly can't see what the problem is. If you wanted a nanny in uniform you should have hired one, to avoid the embarrassment of the wrong clothes. Treat her like a daughter. Have a word, then give up! She's only there to help with the children. if she does that well, she's fulfilled her part of the bargain. You don't have to feel shamed by it all. She's not there to uphold the family image!
She's an au pair. She's supposed to be treated and behave like a daughter of the same age, if you had one (good luck with that, from one who's had a daughter LOL) What do you propose to do to overcome the crippling embarrassment you must feel when strangers see her in clothes which, to your shock and horror are not dressy enough for the occasion? M'dear it must absolutely ghastly for you.
I honestly can't see what the problem is. If you wanted a nanny in uniform you should have hired one, to avoid the embarrassment of the wrong clothes. Treat her like a daughter. Have a word, then give up! She's only there to help with the children. if she does that well, she's fulfilled her part of the bargain. You don't have to feel shamed by it all. She's not there to uphold the family image!
When your own daughter reaches her teens would you be happy to send her to work as an au pair for a person such as yourself?
You don't seem to have any consideration for the fact that this is a young girl in a foreign country who is being ordered around and told what to wear.
Surely a happy au pair who is able to look after your daughter is better than an unhappy one who is well dressed and probably feeling bullied and miserable.
You don't seem to have any consideration for the fact that this is a young girl in a foreign country who is being ordered around and told what to wear.
Surely a happy au pair who is able to look after your daughter is better than an unhappy one who is well dressed and probably feeling bullied and miserable.
As has been stated before an Au Pair is not a servant- she is more of a house guest who helps out as if she were your own older child. If you want her to wear silly outdated clothes get yourself a Nanny and pay them accordingly because I for one wouldn't let one of my daughters work for a person like you. You don't 'allow' an Au pair to do anything reasonable ( like choose her own clothes). I think you need to rethink the whole situation tbh.
I had many au pairs when I was working, and finding one who was cheerful and who got on well with the children was the main priority.
It would have never occurred to me to ask them to wear specific clothes for special occasions, although I was fairly strict about things like getting-in times, as I regarded myself as taking the place of their parents in that respect.
You can't really compare an au pair with girls who work in restaurants, as their status is completely different.
Under UK law au pairs can only work 25 hours a week, and have two days per week free, so I presume she is not working and on free time on these weekends/family occasions you mention, so to my mind it is not appropriate for you to ask her to dress in a way most young girls of her age would dislike.
It would have never occurred to me to ask them to wear specific clothes for special occasions, although I was fairly strict about things like getting-in times, as I regarded myself as taking the place of their parents in that respect.
You can't really compare an au pair with girls who work in restaurants, as their status is completely different.
Under UK law au pairs can only work 25 hours a week, and have two days per week free, so I presume she is not working and on free time on these weekends/family occasions you mention, so to my mind it is not appropriate for you to ask her to dress in a way most young girls of her age would dislike.
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