Writing letters to ex-work colleagues

[SurreyGuy]

I got "stitched-up" by my last employer about 6 months ago. I am not prepared to go into details about what happened, suffice to say I sought legal advice and was told I was in the right. I acted on that advice, stood my ground and was "paid" to leave and the company agreed not to disclose any details to any perspective employers.

I am now happy in a new job, but I still feel very angry about the way certain people 9including some who purported to be my friends) behaved during the "goings on". To this end, I am contemplating writing to some of them expressing my disappointment. I do not intend the letters to be aggressive or threatening - I merely wish to tell them my thoughts.

If you were in my position, would you be worried about my former employer contacting my new one and this whole thing coming back to "bite me in the bum"?

BTW, I know I could adopt the "it's in the past, so let it go and move on" attitude, but I'm a great believer in people being allowed to voice their feelings - something which I was not able to do during what went on.

T.I.A.

[joko]

i know exactly how you feel - i have a few letters stored on computer that i had intended to send but i decided to wait on it and now its been ages

i would still like to send them, as i believe these people deserve to be told exactly what kind of people they are, trouble is now, its been ages and i'd just be dragging things up again and i doubt these people would care - they are that kind of people.

i really wish i'd sent them at the time and i still think of ways i could do it without looking like i havent let go

its a very frustrating thing and in future i will always do it at the time.

you must just consider what the possible back lash could be - could this cause other trouble for you?

[Champagne]

What an interesting thread!

Everyone is advising you not to do it, SurreyGuy, and I can see how passionate you feel about it, but I hope that you do leave it for a year or so as you may find that you feel very differently about the whole thing.

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in bad situations or surrounded by bad people. Most of the time we can choose who our friends are, but work can be a different matter. You've done the right thing by moving on to better pastures. Let bygones be bygones and learn from this incident so that you never find yourself in such a horrible situation again. As far as I can see you won anyway by standing your ground. Good on you!

[janetsflower]

I quite agree - show them you are bigger than them and take comfort from the fact that you have moved on and are working somewhere better - your so called friends are still working for the not so nice employer and any one of them could be the next to receive similar treatment to that which you received, only then will they realise maybe you weren't at fault. Anything you say/do/write now just looks like sour grapes. You will feel better about it in a year or so, time is a great healer. Yes bad and nasty people continue to be bad and nasty people and sometimes they always seem to get their own way, depends on your beliefs but maybe if there is another life justice will be done then. Rant and rave and get it off your chest to us lot but don't give them the satisfaction

[Cennet]

I wouldnt do anything as there might be something in your severance agreement which could be enforced by your ex employer

As previous AB'ers have said, any true friends would have stood by you and it might be time to " move on" ( hate that phrase) and get a life ( hate that phrase too) but sometimes you have to take a view of what it will acheive. Why not write them and not send them - you might feel better after doing that

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks guys for all your advice - joko, I'm with ya! :o)

I have sat down over the course of today and written those letters - well, what else is a days leave for?! :o)

I am soooooooooooooooo tempted to send them, but I'm sort of seeing what those on the outside can see (which I can't). As things stand, I'm more for NOt sending them thna I was, but boy did it feel good writing them. Only thing is that I now wonder how good it would feel If I knew that those ******* read 'em! :o)

Once again, thanks all!

[auzzie]

If i was one of these so called "friends" and you sent me a letter saying you were not happy with the way i conducted myself, which is what you would be saying, in not so many words. I would pass it around the office and then file it under L for Loser.

Not worth it. Cos at the end of the day, even if you sent the letters, you will then be wondering what they are all saying about it, and then it goes on. Really not worth it. Do what Miss Zippy says, write the letters, just for therapy's sake, and then burn them. Go forward not back.

[SurreyGuy]

Cheers auzzie, but you have also missed the point! I have not said anywhere in my postings that I want a response nor have I said that I would be wondering what people were saying having received my letters!

For you to think that anyone who has been hurt and feels the need to fight back makes them a "loser" beggars belief! Perhaps you are actually one of the people I'm talking about!

[frazer_d]

I went through an almost identical situation nearly 3 years ago now. For some time I still felt angry about the injustice of it. What the conspirators thought of me then, or now, doesn't matter - my true friends and family know me and THEIR opinion is all that matters. You on the other hand are obviously a sensitive person and it seems ALL opinion of you still matters. So use that as a driver to change YOUR opinion of THEM.
What the incident DID do for me was to force me into making a change in how I worked with people in future and I turned my career round, using what I learnt from my time with that last employer. I now enjoy a very sucessful lifestyle using what happened to me as a driver to continue moving forwards and upwards. I know I'm good and my lifestyle tells others that I'm good.
The icing on the cake came when I was spotted recently by one of the conspirators in my local filling station - me in my new Mercedes - him in his rusty old Jeep. At that moment I sent out a mental 'thank you' to him. Without him and his fellow cronies I would not have been relishing that moment.
Good luck dealing with your inner demons -storing them won't help you move forward but overcoming them will.

[SurreyGuy]

Cheers frazer_d

The incident has had some positives - I am REALLY happy in my job and I am totally stress-free in my work environment.

Like you, I have also changed how I work with people. My "change" was that I keep them at a distance which makes ME feel "safer", so maybe I need to realise that things happen for a reason and whilst that reason may appear bad at the time, it may NOT be bad in the long run!

I still don't believe that any of the ******* will get their comeuppance and I don't think that will ever change. Also, I was always brought up to feel that the right thing to do was always to let people know if you are happy, sad, angry or whatever else you are - especially if THEY have caused those feelings.

Maybe I should have said more at the time, but I think that "innocent" employees are always at a disadvantage. I know at the time I was scared to say too much as I didn't have another job to go to and I was scared that my last employer (however wrong they may have been in their actions) would have had more of an influence in me NOT getting another job than I would have had in me getting one.

Once again, thanks to all of you for your advice - well, all except one! :o)

[metagirl]

Don't do it!

Write your thoughts out in letters or in a journal, but whatever you do, do NOT send them! Especially electronically. All your heart-felt concerns will probably end up circulated around the office and their friends' offices and it will just turn into a big mess.

If they treated you poorly before, expect the same atttitude and times it by ten, if you contact them now. If they had no loyalty while you were working with them - they will definitely have no loyalty now that you are no longer there.

[SurreyGuy]

I'm not asking for their loyalty now metagirl, but thanks for your points.

It seems I have been out-voted by a majority of 9999999999 to 1 (ME!) not to send them! :o)

[sue11]

Hi SurreyGuy, I have read your question and all the answers with interest. I too was in a very similar situation, dismissed unfairly from my job, a newspaper company back in 1993. The company, paid me to keep me from taking it to tribunal. The company told all the workforce that I had been dismissed and made me out to be a bad apple.
I was very stressed out by the whole incident and it took me a long time to regain my confidence. But I stayed in my next job for 10 years, was very happy and progressed well in the company. I now run my own business and ironically use the company who sacked me, to place ads for my company, how sweet it is to hear them suck up to me to gain my business!!!!
However, I completely understand your anger and frustration and your need to 'clear your name' with your old work colleagues.
I would suggest that you wait until you are relatively well established in your new job and your reputation is strong in the new company, in this way they will not pay much attention to any further attempts at contact from your old company.
My advice would be to send these letters, disguised as a chatty update from you, telling them how wonderful you are doing in your new job, how well things have worked out for you and how glad you are that you left your old company when you did, or you would never have got the new job at such an opportune moment!
This will really pee off these people who will realise that all they have managed to do is to help you gain a far better job in a much nicer working environment. You could finish off by 'thanking' them very sincerely for their assistance in helping you achieve this!!
If you are clever enough in writing these letters, the company cannot accuse you of breaking any agreements as you have only sent a friendly letter, also you will have the satisfaction of knowing that they are fully aware of how happy you are now.
Hope this is of some use, all the best, Sue

[SurreyGuy]

Hi sue - QUALITY suggestion! :o)

I would just like to clarify, though, that I am not seeking to clear my name with those particular people - I was simply wanting to tell them what I thought of them and their two-faced attitude and the overall underhandedness that THEY ALL were party too. I don't care what they think of me.

So......................................what consitutes a timescale for being "relatively well established in my new job"? :o)

I'm glad things worked out for you.

[sue11]

Hi SurreyGuy! Understand that it is not so much as to clear your name, but to make your point, but I think you could still do it in this manner and it could be a cleverer way of getting the point across rather than just writing a straightforward letter telling them what you think of them.
In my next job, I was initially a temp and then they took me on permanently. I was working for my new company for about 6 months by then, so I would say that, this time would be enough to give them a fairly good idea of what kind of employee you are. I presume that you have not said anything to your new employers about your last situation?
I told my new employers about what had happened to me in my last job, so they were well aware of my situation. They were very sympathetic and when I told them I was worried that they would not believe me, told me that people do get dismissed unfairly, so there was no reason for them not to believe me, espcially as I had been upfront and honest about my situation.
It may be wise to let them know yours, once you are feeling more settled, especially as you effectively have the right on your side by the fact that they have paid you hush hush money. Also I am presuming that your present employers have already requested references and your previous employers have supplied these? It would be very difficult for them to change these and still expect to be taken seriously by your present employers!

[SurreyGuy]

Hi again Sue - once again you make some valid points, although I'm not sure how I could convey my annoyance, upset and anger in a "nice, friendly way".

No, my current employers know nothing of my "history", although there is a guy who works at our place who's brother works at my old place(!), but he's not said a thing to me about it - I'm not sure whether that is because he genuinely doesn't know or whether he has been tipped-off and is waiting for the right moment to stitch me up again! Problem is, I can't exactly ask him, can I?! :o)

As for a reference - yes, my last employer did give me one, but it was merely a "yes he worked here between such and such dates doing the job of blah blah" which is not what I would call a reference at all!

Ho hum! :o)

[Dizzieblonde]

I can certainly appreciate that you'd be angry at them for how they behaved during your time working with them, but I'm not sure contacting them will achieve anything.

If they were that bad when you knew them, at best you won't receive any response at all, and at worst, they may pass the letter on and your current employers may be contacted - even if the letter isn't particularly threatening or critical, they could possibly argue it was a type of harrassment.

If you're happy in your new post, s*d them - they're the ones stuck there still working, so try to take pleasure in that :)

[Cennet]

I think I posted this answer earlier but it seems to have disappeared.

You have to look at your agreement with your ex employer - it may have some sort of gagging clause

It might be well just to move on - any true friends would still be your friends - so put the past behind you and start afresh otherwise it will eat at you and make you a bitter person

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks

[sue11]

Hi Surreyguy, best of luck with whatever you intend doing, I think the most important thing is that you gain closure from this and am able to move on. The old company has effectively provided you with a reference, some references are simply a confirmation that you have worked for the company as you stated you did. So therefore your old company would have had it's chance to state what type of worker you were at that point, as I said they will make themselves look bad if they try to adjust what they have already said.
However looking back on my own situation, I think I placed far too much importance on the effect of what happened to me in my old job, may have had in my next job. I worried too much that I had been 'tainted' somehow and my new employers would think less of me for that. In actual fact, it had no real bearing on my next job or my performance, so if you are thinking along those lines then you should not worry in the same manner!
All the best whatever you do, Sue