Writing letters to ex-work colleagues

[SurreyGuy]

I got "stitched-up" by my last employer about 6 months ago. I am not prepared to go into details about what happened, suffice to say I sought legal advice and was told I was in the right. I acted on that advice, stood my ground and was "paid" to leave and the company agreed not to disclose any details to any perspective employers.

I am now happy in a new job, but I still feel very angry about the way certain people 9including some who purported to be my friends) behaved during the "goings on". To this end, I am contemplating writing to some of them expressing my disappointment. I do not intend the letters to be aggressive or threatening - I merely wish to tell them my thoughts.

If you were in my position, would you be worried about my former employer contacting my new one and this whole thing coming back to "bite me in the bum"?

BTW, I know I could adopt the "it's in the past, so let it go and move on" attitude, but I'm a great believer in people being allowed to voice their feelings - something which I was not able to do during what went on.

T.I.A.

[WoWo]

It depends what you want and expect to happen. Personally given the time involved it seems there has been a significant amount of time for people to dwell on the situation, this will have formed their opinion one way or the other.

I think you would be better off leaving it, if you were still at that job or had some involvment with the people you plan to write to then it would be a different matter.

[SurreyGuy]

Hi WoWo - thanks for taking the time to reply courteously - I do understand your points. However...................................

I am not expecting anything to happen, really. I merely want some people to know some home truths and how they have made me feel as I wasn't given the opportunity to do that at the time.

Yes, there has been a significant time for people to dwell on things - ME especially! All the time I say nothing, it "eats me up" and I need "closure". The idea of writing to them came from a friend of mine who is (let's say) a "professional"

Some of these people will not realise what they did/didn't do/could have done as people are scared of them and never tell them. They think they can hurt people and not be held accountable, but I don't agree with that attitude!

Yes, people will have formulated their own opinion, but if they only had half the facts, then those opinions will have been ill-formed.

[bigtone]

Hi SurreyGuy
Who needs so called FRIENDS like that! As you say you are happy in your new job and got a pay off ! just leave it !
He who laughs last laughs longest and all that
MOVE on

[SurreyGuy]

Cheers bigtone.

Once again, I understand where you are "coming from", but I feel that people should be told things as not telling them just allows things to "fester" in my mind. Some people may not be able to understand that, but I hope they can be respectful of why I feel the need to get things off my chest and obtain closure.

[Miss Zippy]

Write all the letters you need to if it will help you let go of what happened and move on but DO NOT send the letters to anyone. These people have not given you a second thought since you left (otherwise they would have contacted you and perhaps apologised or explained why they acted in the way they did) so why give them the satisfaction of knowing that what they did is still eating you up inside? If you write to your former colleagues and they do not respond (which they probably won't) you will just feel even more bitter. With regard to your former employer contacting your new one, if they are that vindictive then they could - unless you all signed a confidentiality agreement when the matter was settled and you were, effectively, paid off? It sounds like you walked away with your dignity intact; keep it that way

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks Miss.

Yes, I did keep my dignity, but the way it was conveyed to those I "left behind" was that I was sacked AND that I was the villain of the piece - neither of which are true.

I wouldn't feel bitter if I sent the letters and got no reply. I would simply know that I had done everything in MY power to let the people know what MY side was and got closure!

[Miss Zippy]

Understood. I can certainly see why you would want to try to correct an apparent slur on your character, although I would still caution against it. However, if you do decide to write, make sure that your letter is not contrary to any confidentiality agreement you might have signed and that it doesn't contain any defamatory statements. You are obviously thinking this through carefully so no doubt your letter will be equally well thought out and well crafted.

[dzug]

Yes it could come back and bite you.

The people you write to may show the letters to your former employer. 'Look what this pathetic loser is saying about our company'

He thinks that you haven't accepted your side of the situation and may feel released from his agreement not to disclose information about your leaving. I doubt if he feels you were in the right. He's probably not going to do it gratuitously, but next time he's asked he could well say something to the person enquiring even if it's just 'he left here under a cloud, I'm not prepared to discuss him'

Basically you agreed to be paid to get out and shut up. He agreed to pay you and shut up. Rights and wrongs no longer come into it.

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks Miss Zippy (again) and dzug.

dzug - I wasn't intending to make any defamatory comments about the Company. I was merely intending to tell the individuals facts about a) what I thought of them and b) how they had made me feel.

As I said earlier, these are people who nobody has stood up to in the past and I do not intend to be yet another person who has let them "get away with it".

[Catso]

Don't do it.

You aren't going to gain anything (except satisfaction from your 'revenge') and it could only stir up a fresh set of troubles. If they are/were real friends, they might already be feeling a little guilty.

[janetsflower]

Hi SurreyGuy, I understand your feelings completely and would want to tell my ex colleagues what i thought if i were in the same position but as others have said it could do more harm than good. Only you know what went off, without knowing the ins and outs its difficult for us to comment but if the situation were disclosed to your new employer then would it put your current job in jeopardy - if so i wouldn't think contacting the ex colleagues was worth the risk, would you. The last thing you want is for it to get back to your old employer that they have affected your future. As Miss Zippy says writing the letters might really help you to realise those feelings but you don't have to send them. Remember what comes around goes around and if they have treated you bad they will all get their come uppance one day

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks catso - these particular people were obviously NOT true friends. As for them "already feeling guilty", these poeple do not feel guilt. From what I saw of them when I worked with them, they are oblivious to how their actions affect others and they always think they are right.

Thanks also janetsflower. Unfortunately, I do not believe in the "what goes around comes around" adage. From what I have seen in life the "bad" people (of which I have come across many) ALWAYS win, they NEVER get their comeuppance and they are ALWAYS allowed to carry on being that way.

[scuzzball]

Pu the pen down and back away slowly.

[scuzzball]

or even 'put'

[Catso]

True, surreyguy, but just forget them. There's nice people in the world, too.

You won't gain anything, and you will be risking something, so why bother?

[SurreyGuy]

OK guys - thanks for all your opinions and advice.

I'm gonna just "let things lie" for now, but I may feel differently in a year's time - then I can "hit" the ******* when they least expect it! :o)

[bigtone]

Good for YOU
but dont let it eat at you

[SurreyGuy]

Easier said than done bigtone - I hate people thinking badly of me without knowing/being told the facts, but hey ho! :o)

[WoWo]

"Thanks catso - these particular people were obviously NOT true friends. As for them "already feeling guilty", these poeple do not feel guilt. From what I saw of them when I worked with them, they are oblivious to how their actions affect others and they always think they are right."

Hmm... in that case it seems even more pointless.

[SurreyGuy]

Thanks WoWo - what you seem to be missing is that I was never expecting any reaction/response from these people! I was merely wanting to know I'd got it off my chest by telling them which (in turn) would have given me "closure".