child maintenance

[ConfusedMum]

i'm a full time mum to my just turned 1 year old son (so obviously i'm on benefits) i had a letter sent through yesterday saying somebody would phone today about child maintenance.

i didn't ask for them to be involved, i don't see that there is any need for them to be involved. my partner (we are still together, although we don't live together - we are both young and couldn't afford to live together atm plus where i live is a nice area, nice house and i also have my nan to help out also etc etc etc) pays half of whatever our son needs be it clothes, nappies, wipes, toys, food etc etc aswell as putting �20 amonth away in savings for him.

surly my partner shouldn't have to pay child maintenance when he is already doing his fair share? (50/50) can they make him pay child support aswell as expecting him to pay half of everything? my partner is on a low income wage and works hard for his money, and just about manages to live on what he earns. i don't want to 'take' my partners money off him, nor do i want my son to miss out because his daddy has to pay extra money to the above department, when really there is no need to.

today the above department phoned up asking the usual questions and said it could be a few months before they get back to me with their findings. if my partner does have to pay any money, will he be expected to pay back pay? although from before our son was born he was paying half then also (clothes, cot, pram, bedding, supplies etc etc etc)

any help and advice would be fantastic - thank you! the only people i know who this has happened to has happened cause the father wasn't paying any money at all or taking no interest what so ever, which is the complete opposite of my partner.

xXx

[Ethel]

This has arisen because you are on benefits - if you weren't the agencies wouldn't care less whether he was supporting the child or not.

The big question is - do the benefits agencies KNOW you are receiving money from your partner? The �20 a month put into savings is irrelevant and will be disregarded by the authorities.

If they know you are receiving this money and your benefits have been adjusted accordingly, you have nothing to worry about.

If they don't know, then things will get difficult - you have been receiving benefits fraudulently.

[ConfusedMum]

just wanted to add, i was at college before i had my son and atm i'd rather watch my son grow up than miss all his first steps and words etc etc. so i'm really not just lazy at all - although as most parents will say, work/school/college is alot easier than being a full time parent. also, just to make sure, me and my partner are classed as being single arn't we? as we are not married, don't live together and don't share any responsibilities or bills (appart from our son of course) - from the information booklets i've read we are technically classed as being single, is that correct?

thanks again for any help!

xXx

[ConfusedMum]

i don't get the money in my hand off him, for eg. he doesn't give me �20 a week and says put put this towards his stuff for this week, he just puts half the money towards the shopping bill for items for our son. does that make sense? :\ evrything is shared, how a relationship and bringing a child up should be in our oppinion.

we just pay together as and when needed. as you probally know with kids one week you could spend �100 on them and the next you could spend �30, depending on what is needed etc etc. so a set amount each week doesn't and never has made sense to us. we've always gone off the whole 50/50 thing. we both know where we stand and it's worked for over a year.

my bennefits havn't changed as i didn't know it was a problem? i've always been open and honest and told the truth in interviews and on forms :\

xXx

[Kathyan]

Have you declared the money that you are receiving from your partner? If not, then you are claiming fraudulently, The fact that you don't live together is irrelevant.

[ConfusedMum]

i didn't know i had to that's what i'm saying - i've been honest and up front in any interviews and forms i've had to attend/fill in. i havn't lied about anything at all. my partner doesn't give me a set amount of money each week, like i said it could be we need to spend �100 one week �30 the next �20 the next week. i don't know at the end of each week what we will need to buy, or replace or what will break and will need to be replaced, kwim? so we always went 50/50. that way we both know where we stand. my partner adores our son and is a very hands on dad who DOES take an interest and who iS bothered so there's no need to have anay formal/written agreements either. kwim?

xXx

[Ethel]

I'm not living with you, nor see your son, but I am contributing to his upbringing.

You may both be single as in living apart, but he must pay proper maintenance, and reduce the burden on the state.

[ConfusedMum]

i wasn't asking my question so people could get nasty and bitchy, i was asking for advice as i hadn't a clue why the above people where getting envolved when my partner was doing what he's 'supposed' to be doing as a father.

as i already said i'd only heard of that department getting envolved when the farther didn't pay anything at all. but i don't have much experience of bennefits, social or csa and all the rest of it neither do my family - they havn't had to claim anything for children etc.

we also thought that child benefit was available to everybody, no matter their circumstances.

xXx

[ConfusedMum]

please correct me if i've got this wrong. like i said i don't know much about benefits etc. just what i've read on websites and the info booklets. if i was receiving too much child benefit (although i don't know how i can be as it's a set amount, i think) surly the relevant department would have stopped that and not let it go on for a year? from information i have read on child benefit everyone is entitled to if they are bringing a child up no matter their lifestyle or income or martial status? again tell me if that's wrong.

i'm assuming the child benefit i receive is what's causing the above problem? as the i/s i receive is supposed to be for my (i say mine as child benefit is supposed to help cover the main costs of the child/ren isn't it?) main needs for living expenses - such as food, bills/rent, basically any necessities (SP?) - my partner doesn't contribute to my life, being in a relationship obviously we buy each other things but he doesn't make any contribution to my living expenses, but he DOES pay for his child.

that's the part that's confusing me, how can it be wrong when i'm only receiving basics and what anybody is entitled to? i actually asked about all this at the job centre when i was pregnant as i had to quit college due to pregnancy complications - it was one of the staff their that put everything into motion and filled out forms and wrote addition info etc. which i answered honestly.

this whole social thing confuses me :\ it's so back to front :s

xXx

[Whickerman]

You seem to be in a situation where you weren't aware of all the rules. Unfortunately for you, benefit is means tested, and your partner's involvement (financially) wil affect your income through benefit. It's unfortunate for you also that by not being aware of the need to declare this financial support, you are now in the situation where you may well be informed you will need to repay some of your benefit from the past year. It may seem unfair, but the rules are there for a reason, and you have unwittingly placed yourself in a situation where you can be labelled a benefits cheat, and the authorities are clamping down on that. I wish you good luck.

[Beanmistriss]

I don't think anyone was being nasty or bitchy. This is how it works (I stand to be corrected).

Everyone recieves child benefit, no matter what their situation and it is a set amount (this is what used to be called family allowance, maybe still is). So put that to one side, you are entitled to that.

As you are living on benefits the state has calculated how much you need to live and to support your child. These are the other benifits you get. When someone is a single parent and being supported by the state they will try to claim some of the money back through maintainance from the absent parent and they will do this through the csa. As you are claiming from the state you have no right to say you don't want to make a claim against him, it's not up to you. They want to and have a right to try and recoup some of the money they are paying you.

I know you said he goes 50/50 on the expenses for your child but by doing it this way you are getting that money on top of the benefits you are claiming meaning you have extra money while the state if paying full support and not getting anything back.

So what they will do is make him pay through the csa(or whatever replaces it) and they will keep this money to offset against your benefits. He will have to pay 15% of his earnings. You will (i think) recieve no extra money. The money he pays will go towards covering what the state pays you to support your child.

This may mean that he has no extra money to then go 50/50 with you on stuff you need to get but the state benefit has been calculated so it should cover all essentials. Hope that makes sense to you.

[ConfusedMum]

no, i didn't understand that i was in the wrong - as far as i was aware i had been honest and up front about everything and hadn't lied. i thought it was the child benefit that was the problem when i received the letter yesterday, so i didn't understand how that was the case when everybody is entitled to that if they have a child.

so it's the i/s that they have been paying me too much of as my partner was paying money towards items for our son, although i honestly don't know how they expect you to live on AND bring up a child on �57 a week and to say that's too much is just laughable :|

you hear all these stories on the news and in magazines of how parents are missing out on children and vice verse but there isn't any help at all available so parents can get to know their children! i was at college when i found out i was pregnant (spent my entire pregnancy in bed due to pregnancy complications - so couldn't work or attend college) so obviously nothing like maternity pay or maternity leave so available to me as i was still in education... i had no other options but to ask for help from the social. and now because i actually WANT to be a mother to my son and see him grow up my family gets penalised for it. it's madness.

you can't win.. if you go out to work you don't care about your kids, if you don't work and you're lazy. talk about living in a rich persons world. millions are worse off than me... god knows how they do it.

thank you both!
that does make alot more sense!
i just didn't understand why they was being involved, as like i've said i thought the child bennefit was the problem.

thanks again.

xXx

[ConfusedMum]

so if i have been paid too much in i/s how on earth will they take it back off me? i havn't a clue how much has been spent on my son so how will the social? how will they work it out? how will they take money off my partner when he has paid money towards his sons upbringing? that would be like paying for two kids :\ he can just pay for himself let alone extra amounts :s

how on earth are they going to work all this out :\

why did they leave it a year before getting in contact? how have we managed to miss this info? ugh.

xXx

[bednobs]

are you getting any other state help other than child benefit (family allowance, whatever its called now)? and council tax benefit, housing benefit, income support etc?

[ConfusedMum]

i get income support (i/s), child benefit (which we are all entitled to) and tax credits (which have now been reduced as my son turned one - which is back to front as children need more money the older they get :s but nevermind) i havn't ever asked for anything else/anything extra or any help with anything appart from the above benefits. we live with my nan who's name is on all the bills and rent book etc etc.

xXx

[Kathyan]

The reason you have been contacted about maintenance is the fact that you claim Income support. Your partner is responsible for paying maintenance and they will try to recoup some of the money they (or rather the taxpayer) are paying for your son.

[bednobs]

its the income support thats a problem. Lets say the benefits office think you get 40 pounds a week, from tax credit and family allowance, so they make you up to the minimum standard with income support, at say, 20 per week. Actually you are getting 40 pounds a week+ whatever the dad gives you, so in effect, you dont need i/s to make you up to the minimum amount. because you havent told them about the extra incme, and you are probably there already .they want to recoup benefits paid from the father of the baby, so will chase him for them. If he says "well ive paid for 1/2 of this, and 1/2 of that," they will chase you for the income support back, as you are committing benefits fraud by not declaring the income you get from the father

[ConfusedMum]

i didn't see that as an income at all, i thought that was just what lifes about, splitting things down the middle. i didn't know sharing responsibility was a problem :\

god knows if they knock it down and then take money off my partner how my son will have anything. its hard enough as it is. all this to be a mother.

what would happen if i was to start a college course? how would it all work out then? i wouldn't be on i/s then would i? i would be on ema then wouldn't i, which is even lower than i/s? would child maintenance still apply? why is it so hard to get back into work and college after having a baby? surly they would make it easier as that's all they want now a days isn't it everybody working... fabulous country we have and all the rest of it.

xXx

[ConfusedMum]

the reason i asked about college and ema payments was because tomorow i have an interview at college to dicuss courses - as i've said i'm not lazy, i just want to be a mum, i'm not making or bettering myself atm and i can't live on nothing and i don't want to work at a check out all my life so hopfuly the computer courses will lead to something better than my local tescos check out :D

xXx

[redcrx]

Im sure everyone can understand you wanting to be a mum. But you have to be able to support yourself. If all mums stayed at home and didnt work, do you think the benefits would remain at the level they are now? Many mums work full time and lose a lot of money in tax that goes towards paying the benefits of others.
Whats to prevent you taking and eve job to earn some extra money?
As for the benefit overpayment, perhaps you ought to speak to the CAB and find out where you stand on having to pay the money back.

[bednobs]

there is nothing shameful or wrong about working at tesco. in fact, they are a good employer who are very flexible about shifts. You, and every other mum in the country, just have to makE a decision about what you want. if you want to be a stay at home mum, then you will just have to accept a lower standard of living than you are used to. if you want more money, you'll have to go out and earn it, like every one else has to. It really annoys me when people knock the benefits system ... imagine if you lived in africa and you had to decide between eating and healthcare for your baby, because you were living off 2 pound a day. There are loads of people who would like to be a stay at home mum, but simply cant do it because they want more money. your ituation is not unique. if they find out you have been defrauding the benefits system, you will most likely be asked to pay some back and get a fine, which will be taken out of any benefits at source. Not that it's any of my business, wouldn't it be easier if you are in a relationship with the dad to move in together?