Wife Having Affair ...

[boogie71071]

Posted this on relationship one but it was suggested I posted here as well
My wife of 12 years is having an affair with her lecturer from University. She says it's only sex and that we'd grown apart which is one of the reasons why she did it. She says she wants to stay in the marital home but she has no form of income to keep up payments on it or buy me out. She wants the kids (11 and 16) to stay with her wherever she decides to live but they don't want to. My solicitor - who can't see me until Monday morning - has advised over the phone that the home can either be sold off or for one of us to buy the other out but she won't accept my proposal to buy her out. There are a few questions I have
1. Can she insist that she stays in the marital home even though it will cause upset to the kids?
2. Can she refuse to sell the home?
3. Can she keep refusing my offers to buy her out?
4. Can she stay in the home indefinately, even though financially - and I do exclude the physical upkeep, tidying, etc. from this but accept she's done this until recently - she's hardly contributed - she's had a series of part-time jobs that haven't really lasted whereas touch-wood I've been in reasonably well paid employ? 5. Can she insist the kids move in with her, regardless of what they want?
Thanks in advance

[aniani]

I have a couple of friends in a similar position. The court has ordered that the sale of the family home be postponed until the youngest child reaches 18 under a Mesher order. The mothers have remained in the home with their children.

Good luck

[Fay Mousse]

What aniani describes is common, but the children don't want to live with their mother in your case.

I assume both children are yours, either biologgically or by adoption.
The courts will always make sure the children's needs come first and will not disrupt them where possible.

In your scenario it would be fairer for the children to live with you in the family home, while she moves out. The house sold when the youngest is 18 and any equity divided equally. Or for you to buy her out fairly now.

She can't make the children live with her - they are old enough to make their own decisions.

You need to see a solicitor if she will not see reason.

Is her name on the Title Register of the house? If so she is a joint owner of the house regardless of how much money she has put in to it. Even if her name isn't on the Title Register she will still be entitled to a fair share of the equity as she is your wife and she raised the children and supported you in other ways.

[boogie71071]

yes, she's on the title deeds in joint names. I agree that she's entitled to a fair share and even though everything else that's gone on has made me lose all respect for her I'd not want to be anything but fair.
Both kids have said they want to stay with me but I was worried about the youngest only being 11. I get the impression the youngest may decide to cover all bases by deciding to stop with one of us one week and the other next.
I've made an offer based on the open market value less residual loans against the property but she's adamant she wants the whole house and leave me with nothing.

[Fay Mousse]

Well she will never get the whole house and leave you with nothing. The worse case scenario for you is the one already described - she lives in it and it is sold when the youngest is 18 and the proceeds divided.

You can apply to the court for an Order for Division and Sale of the house, but the court is unlikely to grant this while the children are living there unless there is enough equity and assets to buy both of you homes which doesn't disrupt the children - such as in the same school catchment area as you are now living in.

[boogie71071]

haha,
I've not finished the bathroom yet ;)

[boogie71071]

If she stays in the house, is there anything stopping me staying as well. Would this just be dependent upon th disruption to the kids?
If I have to pay for some, but not all, the mortgage and bills and she defaults how does that work?

[ummmm]

You are both responsible for paying the mortgage. If she defaults then it'll go against both of you.

[ummmm]

As far as I'm aware. If your name is on the house you are entitled to live there. That might make her leave...!!!

[boogie71071]

ok, quick update.
Wife has been to see her solicitor who's told her that because she's a mature student and hasn't had any meaningful employment in her working life (17-ish years) that I will be required to support her fully, including mortgage payments, etc. until she's qualified and her earning potential has increased to a point where she can provide a house and home for the kids. Son starts college in September and most my salary is already taken up presently so to support both - and wife's on about travelling to a uni that's 40-miles away - will be impossible.
Personally I can't see that's at all fair and I've pointed out to my wife that most other students get part-time work to sustain themselves but she just said she wasn't 'other students' and she didn't have the time to do that and everything else as well.
I'll update with my solicitors views on Monday but if anyone has any other thoughts in the meantime that might help or raise questions for monday it'd be appreciated.