Best One Liners

[Bazile]

Are you or have you ever been a practicing homosexual ?

What , with my feet ?

-----------------

Can you fill that bottle .
What , from here ?

[Canary42]

Both from "Porridge"

[Bazile]

Indeed

[BlueToffee]

"Do you want me to talk Goldfinger?"

"No Mr Bond, I want you to die!"

[Bazile]

Mrs R - And another thing, I asked for a room with a view
Fawlty- Now let me take a look, I seem to remember, yes that is definitely your view out there.

Mrs R - When I say a view, I expect something more interesting than that.
Fawlty - But that is Torquay, Madam.
Mrs. R. - Well its not good enough.
Fawlty - Just what do you expect to see from a Torquay hotel bedroom window? The Sidney Opera House? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically across ?

[bibblebub]

your majesty is like a stream of bat's ****

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxXW6tfl2Y0

[maggiebee]

Can't remember the show but seem to remember this.
On being served a very, very rare steak.
"A good vet could get that on its feet again"

[excelsior-1]

"how do you know what my wife looks like first thing in the morning?"

"your milkman told me"

[Mattk]

The Porridge quote is technically not a one liner as the previous line is relevant as he is talking about his flat feet and then delivers the 'What with my feet' line?
So a 2 liner.


Do you have any trouble passing water?
I had a dizzy spell going over Tower Bridge once.

[Bazile]

//The Porridge quote is technically not a one liner as the previous line is relevant as he is talking about his flat feet and then delivers the 'What with my feet' line?
So a 2 liner. //

Did you really, really , really , need to point that out ?

[aelmpvw]

the blood donor ...
Doctor: But this is just a smear!
Hancock: It may be just a smear to you, mate, but it's life and death to some poor wretch!

[mickthemuppe]

Any more beans Mr Taggart Reply Don' tyou thnk you had enough
Did Magna Carta die in vain-
You can't fight in here ,this is the war room-
Don't keep calling me Shirley
We don't want any stinking medals
Well nobody's perfect
Is that Room service "Can you send me up a bigger room"
Telegram for Mongo

Where did all these come from?

[Mojo-Jo-Jo]

Most of these are two liners.
I put so much petrol in my car the other day...I couldn't get in it!

[Khandro]

In a (I think Welsh) Bed & Breakfast, having asked for some honey, and having been presented with the tiniest of portions; " Ah, I see you keep a bee!"

[Peter Pedant]

These are not really one liners

I went to Philadelphia once, but it was closed

I would never belong to a Club that elected me (Groucho Marx)

are,

Mr Churchil I believe you are drunk !

Mrs Braddock I believe you are ugly but the difference is tomorrow I shall be sober

I think is stretcching it to call a one liner