Examinations

[maggiebee]

Was not sure whether to put this in Chatterbank or Jokes but chose CB.  

Answers from a high school test papers submitted to science and health teachers (spelling errors preserved)

H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."

"A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agents insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops." "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial perspiration."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

[Buenchico]

Thanks, Maggie.

I'll award you 100% in the humour exam 😊

[Canary42]

These have been around for years, but it's nice to be reminded of them.

 

I love the one about the Pope living in a vacuum 😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  😀  

[bookbinder]

Is it possible that those students could now be running the country? No! surely not!

[anneasquith]

Great post Maggie . 

[Vagus]

In a biology exam I once wrote..the large intestine is called the colon, the small intestine is called the semi colon 🙄

I believe it was recorded in the bloopers book at the school

[jno]

which one of those is wrong? Probably the one about the bowls.

[roopower]

Oh dear, TTT must be wetting himself.....

[retrocop]

I recall attending a Traffic Patrol course where the instructor in Braking systems on HGVs and Buses was a Sergeant Wiggins. He was renowned on every course when describing a Vacuum. ' A container containing F.A.'