Two country couples decided to swap partners for the night.
After 3 hours of amazing sex, Fred says "I wonder how the girls are getting on".
George takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
"You know what I want, don't you?"
"Yeah," says George the whole bl00dy bed by the looks of it!"
Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Brighton beach was asked to identify her.
A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"
Fred and his wife Edna are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the back garden.
Fred says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"
Fred replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"
Mick and Chuck are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Chuck says "What's his name, vhere's he come from?" Mick replies
"Miles, from London !"
A Highlander is visiting the big city, Glasgow, for the first time. In one of the city centre streets, reading the brass name plates, he sees "JAMES SMITH: GROUND FLAT", and exclaims "Och, michty me! Whit a terrible way tae dee."