Relationship Problem......

[fiona88]

I am 25 years of age. my boyfriend is 48. There's just a few things that are annoying me. I go on my phone, talk to my best friend every day, he doesn't like me being on my phone all the time. thinks i am talking to another guy or something! he is so paranoid. so i try to avoid been on my phone through the day so it doesn't cause arguments, which one night, we were at his daughters, and i was texting my best friend, he had a bit to drink and was REALLY annoyed that i had been on my phone so he grabbed my phone out my hand and literally launched across the room, picked up the phone, took the sim card out and chewed it! (very odd i know)
he is a very very very jealous person, people keep saying to me its because of the age gap..... i'm not too sure. i have no job at the moment, but look for work EVERY SINGLE DAY,do all the house work, he works and gets up on a morning at 6am. he expects me to get up with him at that time and if i don't, he gets REALLY FUNNY! we have argued about it and i have said look, there's no need for me to be up so early. i get up no later than half 8 and im looking for work hours and hours a day. I feel better in myself when i wear make up, it makes me feel better about myself, he shouts cos i wear make up. last night he was going on and on about it(after drink!) with his daughter. i sometimes feel mentally drained and cannot carry on with his jealousy etc. .... but i love him. any one have any advice ???? heeeeelp!!!!!

[ummmm]

Ultimatum time.

I couldn't put up with that.

[sandyRoe]

Aren't relationships supposed to be all about give and take? You seem to be doing all the giving.
Escape while you're still able to.

[Baldric]

Is the relationship really worth the hassle?

[Sqad]

any one have any advice ????

No.

[ummmm]

Why do you love him?

[VHG]

Why are you bothering to ask us for advice, just get out this relationship NOW because if you don't you are asking for trouble.

Twice you mention his behaviour after drink, and if people drink a lot and behave badly afterwards that is always going to be a problem and may get worse.

Men who are jealous of their girlfriends rarely change and again this is a bad sign and will lead to more problems in the future.

While you don't mention him being vio0lent to wards you has had already behaved violently to your phone by throwing it across the room, and chewed your sim card. I am afraid the next step will be violence against you if he cant get his own way.

The situation you describe has all the hallmarks of being a disastrous relationship, and could soon turn VERY nasty.

GET OUT NOW.

[Old_Geezer]

Relationships are compromise and chatting on the phone more associated with teenagers so I can see how it might irk. But it is your choice. Maybe he feels the pair of you should be more interacting with each other than spending long periods chatting to mates in a phone ? Can't you talk to each other and find a solution ? I think this may be exasperated by the age different if I am honest.

his reaction sounds like he has anger problems though. You may wish to consider if that is enough to warn you off the relationship. If fact that I think is a very significant thing. You could tell him he must to go to anger management lessons, or you'll walk.

Well he may well feel he is making an effort to get up and arise and that the least his partner could do is give support that not take the opportunity to lie in. I'm unsure it's fair but if one feel the onus is all on oneself, and one's partner is letting one get on with it and simply relaxing, it could add stress to a relationship. Would you feel ok if you were feeling you were being taken advantage of ?

I just sounds to me that there is a lot of stress in the relationship and both are aware of how they feel but are not feeling any empathy for their partner.

[mrs.chappie]

What is it you love about him? List his good points please.

[Prudie]

He's a control freak and will never change - make your choice.
Most will not agree with me but if you need to be texting/phoning your best mate regularly while in company you're aren't ready for a serious relationship anyway.

[pusskin]

I couldnt put up with that situation, it will surely get worse.
You sound so unhappy, so why carry on.

[McMouse]

What was the cause of the breakup with his daughters mother?

[askyourgran]

Dump him, in a few years time of drudgery and playing the geisha you won't love him at all.

[fiona88]

its not that i text all the time,she was upset about something, i was comforting her,making sure she was ok and he knew this. see what you mean though. he has been married before, and got hurt real bad! got cheated on, and when in court over the divorce and stuff, she literally took everything off him! he had nothing, no home, no money, no nothing, she was a right evil, vindictive person towards him, and i think thats where all the jealousy stems from. shes really really hurt him and so has his ex girlfriend. (bearing in mind, we have the ex-wife behind us, and his ex girlfriend 2 doors up!!)
he does want to get out of here and so so i. its mainly drink thats the problem,otherwise,m we are fine.its great!! i cared for his dad 3 years ago and thats how i met him, just knew i wanted to be with him. hes funny, makes people laugh. but its when hes had some alcohol. he knows this. he drinks to hide his problems and how he feels but then when he has a drink, he can go funny, as can i, that why i stop cos theres no point in making this work if we both argue. i know we both need to talk otherwise whats the point? thank u all for the great advice x

[boxtops]

Get out while you can - he'll never change. He won't - I think several of us can promise you that. Leave. You sound like Cinderella in your so-called relationship - this is just control, not love.

[pusskin]

try and break it off and leave yourself free to meet some else who is much more caring. Good luck fiona x

[fiona88]

thank u pusskin xx thanks everyone else xx

[leahbee]

Just leave. What a miserable life you are leading. He will NOT change.

[boxtops]

Fiona, it might be a funny relationship sometimes, but you have to be realistic and balance the good times with the control and agression. He doesn't trust anyone due to his previous experiences. The age difference may not be helping - a 25 year old views the world differently (e.g. with use of phone, text etc) than an older person. Jealously is totally destructive - do you want to live the next 60 years like this (and possibly with children too)? I wouldn't.

[VHG]

Drink is an evil partner in a relationship.

My first wife became an alcoholic and it ruined our relationship until we had to divorce.

Her drinking got worse and in the end she drank herself to death in her early 50s.

You are always going to have problems with a partner who drinks.

[fiona88]

:( oh god. thats dreadful. im very sorry to hear that. but yes u are right, drink is DEFINATELY an evil parnter in a relationship. and i cannot see myself at this moment in time having ANY children with him. my head is totally frazzled at the min. u have all given me some very good advice though. thank you. its just so hard cos when its good, its brilliant!!! he gets on GREAT with all my family. they think he is brill! and he is when he not really drunk. he doesnt drink every night or anything. just weekends. and we dont always argue but when its bad, its terrible. i just feel so alone sometimes