Is it long time coming?

[kdawg]

What do you think? I've been in a long-distance relationship for 1 year now. I'm 30 living in Ireland , my girlfriend is 24 and living in Sweden ( shes from there). We met 4 1/2 years ago and she is my first proper girlfriend. I tried living there for a while but work was hard to secure. Shes possibly starting a 5 yerar PHd in Stockholm. I'd like to get married and have kids in a few years but a) shes not ready for it and b) I don't think its inherent to their culture to be as family orientated. I want long-term plans but we never get round to talking about it , plus she is depressed as her mum died in the summer ( she was sporadically depressed prior to this). Am I asking too much for a partner that wants the same as I ? With the long distance we try and see each other regularly but as of late I've felt resigned to the fact that we'll break up however I'm postponing this to i think she'll be better to handle this.She is shying away from all major life decisions at present. Basically I want a future and don't think there is one with her anymore and I feel really bad that I'd have to split as I don't want to add to this current difficult spell of hers. Plus I do have feelings but have pangs of resentment as I want to get on with things. Am I being really callous? What should I do? Many thanks in advance.k

[Amiira]

hi kdawg, No I dont think you are asking too much for a partner to want the same thing as you. And what you are asking, is a pretty natural thing anyway.

Its difficult having a long distance relationship. And I think you have done really well in it lasting a year. How often do you see each other?

Your girlfriend is obviously going through a difficult time at the moment, after loosing her mum. And I dont think you would be callous in ending the relationship now. But when is it ever a good time to end a relationship? Its alway very hard.

Sorry I cant offer you any advice, but you asked if you were being callous. And No you are not. You have a life too. And if your girlfriend does not want the same things as you. Then maybe you should be thinking about moving on. Life is too short.

Wishing you lots of luck x

[noxlumos]

hi kdawg, we spoke last time about this and I'm really sorry things are not working out for you.
To be honest if the spark is gone and things are getting insurmountable problem wise then knock it on the head sooner rather than later. You aren't being callous at all. I know you've given this your best shot and no-one can ask anymore of you. Just be sure it's what you really want first and stay platonic friends if you can so you can support her a bit. Take care mate.

[jhosking1981]

The older I get, the more I believe in taking one day at a time, nobody knows what is around the next corner, you say you want children in a few years, your girlfriend may want that too in a couple of years with hormones kicking in etc etc, twenty four is a strange age in my opinion, you just don't know what you want from your life on occassions in particular when depression plays apart. If you care for this girl, just roll with it, what will be is what will be and in the mean time a Mrs 100% Right may walk into your life.

[lady_p_gold]

I seem to remember you mentioning this a while back, anyway ..... this is a difficult one but to be honest I think I would want someone who wanted me so much that they would make it happen and that continents and troubles melted away. It might sound an over romantic way of viewing things but she could study over in Ireland .. I think that is what I said once a long time ago ... my gut feeling is its time to move on, and she was your first girlfriend and maybe it is also time to gain more experience in different types of relationship. You come across and caring and gentle and you deserve, and will find someone. I suppose I do feel I have a little experience .... I fell in love with someone on the other side of the Atlantic, and I was married to someone else at the time, but I have left my family and everyone I know and started a new life with him, because I knew it was right in my heart. You deserve someone who feels like that about you, as I suspect you would about them. Good luck my friend.