Your duck is dead...........

HarryFindlay | 20:03 Wed 15th Jun 2011 | Jokes

20 Answers

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the
vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150."

more one liners...

Beer Talk.

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Lore

I laughed my head off when I read this first time round... not many people appreciate crap jokes :p

Halifaxmum

lol...that is funny!

ummmm

lol @ Lore :-)

joke made me chuckle as well....

The-Toff-

Its not a bad joke Harry, but it has been done to death on here mate.

ummmm

I've never heard/read it before....

Lore

Toff, stop being so nice :p

Ummmm, I don't mind admitting - to you anyway. I liked it so much, I sent it via text to my mum - she doesn't do email! ELEVEN bloody pages long. ( thank you, o copy & paste function)

HarryFindlay

Question Author

Ok here`s a quick one..
I just went on to my neighbours allotment.
I asked, "Hi Bill do you mind if I take a few vegetables home for my dinner?"
He said, "Sure, you can take a leek if you like."
I said, "Cheers." and p!ssed all over his runner beans.

Lore

That's it, I'm off! :o/

ummmm

Not too keen on that one....

HarryFindlay

Question Author

Ok another quick one

Feck Off then!!!!!!!!! ;o)

ummmm

No....lol

Lore

Make me! :p

HarryFindlay