Our local church has a very big busted organist by the name of Bunty. Bunty's breast are so big they bounce and jiggle all the time she plays the organ, she would distract the congregation considerably both male and female.
So the very proper ladies of the WI said we will have to do something about this or get another organist, so one of the ladies asked Bunty to get some green persimmons and mash them up and apply them to her breast's/nipples and they may then shrink in size, but warned her not to eat any of the persimmons as they are so sour they will make you'r mouth pucker up and you will not be able to speak properly for a week. Bunty the perky organist agreed to do this. The following Sunday morning Tarquin the vicar got up to the pulpit and said
" Dew to thircumsthansis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday."