The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A copper pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yes mate, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was legless
Car stopped - suspected drunk driver - driver told to walk in a straight line.
WPC - "You're staggering, Sir".
Driver - "You're not bad looking yourself, Madam".