Crosswords0 min ago
At The Bar
An Australian entered a bar and stood beside a Scotsman.
"Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they had chatted for a while.
"I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world." Said the Australian.
"Are you?" said the other, "you have a funny accent for a Scotsman."
A one-wood golf club walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer but the bartender refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the club.
"Because," he says, "you're the designated driver."
A camel strides in to a bar with an Egyptian mummy riding on its back.
The camel kneels down and the mummy crawls off and makes his way to the bar.
"What will you have?" asks the bartender.
"Nothing for me," says the mummy. "I just came in here to unwind."
A man staggers into a bar and shouts, 'A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here, and while you're at it, have one yourself.'
'Well thank you sir,' says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the man shouts, 'Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else.'
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, 'Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?'
The man slurs, 'I can't. I don't have any money.' With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the man out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the man staggers back in and shouts out, 'A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends.'
'I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?' the barman asks sarcastically, marvelling at the man's nerve.
'Not likely,' he slurs, 'you get nasty when you've had a drink!'
"Where are you from, pal?" asked the Scotsman, after they had chatted for a while.
"I'm from the finest country in the whole wide world." Said the Australian.
"Are you?" said the other, "you have a funny accent for a Scotsman."
A one-wood golf club walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer but the bartender refuses to serve him.
"Why not," asks the club.
"Because," he says, "you're the designated driver."
A camel strides in to a bar with an Egyptian mummy riding on its back.
The camel kneels down and the mummy crawls off and makes his way to the bar.
"What will you have?" asks the bartender.
"Nothing for me," says the mummy. "I just came in here to unwind."
A man staggers into a bar and shouts, 'A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here, and while you're at it, have one yourself.'
'Well thank you sir,' says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the man shouts, 'Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else.'
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, 'Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?'
The man slurs, 'I can't. I don't have any money.' With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the man out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the man staggers back in and shouts out, 'A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends.'
'I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?' the barman asks sarcastically, marvelling at the man's nerve.
'Not likely,' he slurs, 'you get nasty when you've had a drink!'
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