Boyfriend trouble...

[Rhian92]

Hello, Ive been with my as of right now ex boyfriend for over a year. He used to treat girls like ***, cheated on all girlfriends, did drugs, stayed out all the time drinking and just didn't really care about anyone. In comes me, and we had a bit of a tough start in that i had lied to him about something I did before I met him but that was quite detrimental to the relationship and he attempted to cheat on me. (Brought back a girl he used to use for sex but I turned up at his house as I had suspicions.) so fast forward on and he changed his life around after that night, I felt like I'd 'tamed' him neither of us had been in love before and we have the most amazing relationship when it's good. But we have a big problem communicating when it's bad and things tend to get worse. His moods can flip quite quickly and he's very insecure about me, I think because there's still a part of him that could potentially lie about other girls because it's what he's used to doing, I'm too smart and have caught him out before, he hasn't cheated on me but he tells white lies sometimes. It tends to be 'one rule for him one rule for me' and if I replicated some of his behaviour I know he would kick off ten times worse. He went in a mood last night and I didn't 'leave it' when he asked me to so he finished it, whenever he gets mad he finishes it but claims he still cares and loves me. I just find him so irrational and DONT think I help at times. I really really want this to work and I feel I need to help him grow up, he changed because of me before and I would just love to know if anything I do now could help him grow up a little bit more. I know the majority of comments I'll get will be 'leave him you can do better' or whatever but everyone's been in love at some point and for me, the good times are worth the bad, I know there's a lot of love on both parts I just don't know how to handle certain aspects of his behaviour or if I should make the first move to sort out our disagreement yesye

[woofgang]

ok The good times are NEVER worth the bad
You can't help him to grow up. The only person who can change him is him.

The way to handle his behaviour is to sit down with him calmly and tell him what you have told us.

[Tilly2]

.....and what is the exact 'trouble'?

[Rhian92]

I guess you're right, I'm no angel I can get mad too but when he gets mad he literally has to stop talking to me and sometimes I insist. As of right now I'm leaving it and from previous experience he comes back. I miss him already its been a day! It's just unnatural for us not to be talking. Thankyou for your advice I can try and if it fails at least I tried and can hold my head high

[Canary42]

I'm usually one of the leading "DUMP HIM" exponents on AB, but I do see some hope here, but it needs quite a jolt to effect it. So I would recommend extending the "break" rather than rushing back, and then you might find it easier to reach a decision. Oh, and woofgang's made a very good point.

[Rhian92]

I totally agree Canary, I've really thought it through and however tempting it is for me to try make up with him now, it's him who finished it so I need to let him come to a decision about what he wants and if I don't hear from him, then I guess he isn't as worth it as I thought. Thanks guys

[bednobs]

if one person wants to split up, you split up - there is no middle ground!

[Rhian92]

That's just the thing though, he doesn't want to split everytime I ask him he says he wants to be with me.. I say I'm obviously not the girl for you and he says I am but x y and z. He overreacts and jumps to conclusions without thinking about his actions, now we aren't speaking and I know he's checking my snapchat story every five minutes to see what I'm up to. He's a stubborn idiot is what he is haha

[bednobs]

sorry i must have mis-read, I thought you said he finished it with you?

[Rhian92]

He did indeed, what I'm trying to say is IVE walked away from him and told him he obviously doesn't want to be with me if he finishes it but he swears blind he does, he just speaks before thinking about what he's done

[bednobs]

really still don't get it. if he has told you he no longer wants to be with you, it s=odesnt really matter what you do!

[Dee Sa]

walk away my dear, walk away find someone decent there are plenty more fish in the sea.

[Dizmo]

"(Brought back a girl he used to use for sex but I turned up at his house as I had suspicions.)" I think that in its own right answers your questions. Non of us are perfect - I'm certainly not, however I've never, and will never, ever, cheat on anyone. I, on reading your post, believe that trust is a massive issue. You sound miserable at the moment. Love if shared can be a great thing but if one sided it can (or will?) be deadly; under the circumstances my advice would be to walk away. I've been there, as have most of the other AB'ers - it's a tough decision.