No Birthday Gift From My Boyfriend.

[sam100]

Hi everyone,

Can I ask your opinion?

On Saturday it was my birthday (31st) and I did not receive a gift from my boyfriend of four and a half months. Am I right to feel a bit put out?

The night before my birthday he asked me what I wanted and I (feeling embarrassed to be put on the spot at such a late stage) said don't worry about it. On Saturday morning when I got back to my house there was a card from him which was nice.

I then went for lunch with my family and he joined us after. Still no gift, we went to the shops and got something nice to eat for dinner (we stayed in). We did pop by Neals Yard as he wanted to pick up some items and he did buy me some lavender oil after I said that I needed some. However, he carried the bag out of the shop and as far as I know that bag is still sitting in the hallway of his house.

So that was it...

I feel a bit ashamed to expect a gift but that's what people do isn't it? And even if you're not sure you buy flowers or chocolate. I don't doubt that my boyfriend loves me but how to communicate that he ballsed up this one? Or do I just let it go.

(For the record when it was his birthday a week after we first met I turned up at his party with a bottle of gift wrapped vintage port from Harvey Nichols. It's also not a money issue as he bought himself several other things whilst we were out shopping on Saturday and I know what's in his bank account)

[Canary42]

You told him not to worry about it - so what do you expect ?

[tamaris]

I understand, I know people like this as it is my birthday today, and some of them have not even bothered to snd me a card xxxxxxxx

[Booldawg]

This post reminds me of that 'What woman say but actually mean' thing that gets posted on social media.

Was he a virgin when you met him?

[aelmpvw]

///The night before my birthday he asked me what I wanted///
i suppose on christmas eve he'll ask you what you want for christmas

[Sqad]

Yes I agree...after four and a half months, love should still be hanging around and a present would be expected.

\\\ I don't doubt that my boyfriend loves me //

Good.

[grasscarp]

He didnt balls anything up. He asked what you wanted and you said dont worry. He got you a card. He bought you lavender oil. If it is at his house ask him for it. He is a bloke Sam .......

[Quoi]

Just remember it, let it stew in your mind and beat him up with it for the rest of his life. That'll teach him.

[2sp_]

Some people just don't think birthdays are as important as others.

My husband doesn't get it either, but years of "coaching" (some may say nagging), and he's getting better.

You need to be completely upfront with him about what you expect with regards to birthdays and Christmas.

I think you have to let this birthday go, but in future you need to tell him that you do expect a present. Doesn't need to be big or expensive, just something he has put a bit of effort into would do.

Try to focus on the fact that he did by you lavendar oil, he probably thinks that was a great present as you said you needed it.

[jomifl]

He doesn't know you well enough to know what to get. Jewelry, clothes , perfume etc. are all a 'no no' as it is too easy to get them very wrong. Don't make it a test help him.

[Svejk]

31? you sound more like a 13 yr old.

[kvalidir]

He asked you what you want and you said 'don't worry about it'- so he hasn't. Some people are very literal, next time he asks you tell him, he had all of the following day to get your wish, you took that opportunity away from him and now it's making you feel miserable. Just be more definite and I'm sure it'll be fine.

[elliemay1]

Let it go this time but learn from your mistake of saying, 'don't worry about it.' He obviously took it literally so isn't aware that anything is wrong. Next time be ready and give him a few suggestions.

[sherrardk]

Lucky he remembered - I've been with himself for 26 years and he's forgotten my birthday more than once, I'm more surprised now when he does actually remember it.

[Svejk]

who removed my post? Birthday presents are for children, not grown ups, imo. Am I not entitled to my opinion even if it differs to a mods?

[jno]

I think Kvalidir's right: he asked, you answered, and he took it literally. Ideally he wouldn't wait till the day before, or indeed he wouldn't ask at all, just use his own initiative based on what he knows about you. But next time, have an answer ready to give him.

[piggynose]

my spanish g´friend hasn´t bothered with a card or gift in 7 years now, some people dont see it as that important. I always get get her something, maybe its the way you´re brought up

[Elina]

We all love to receive a gift, it makes us feel good. However, I'd let this one go, I'd say it's still early days in the relationship x

[Prudie]

Gosh how many more people have to point out he asked you said don't worry about it?
Grasscarp's answer is perfect.

[2sp_]

I usually have to buy my birthday and Christmas presents and hand them to Mr P to wrap...

Don't let this ruin your relationship.

[woofgang]

My usual coment i am afraid. If this is a dealbreaker then walk, if it isn't then let it go.