Sainsbury's

[Bobbisox1]

Didn't like shopping there anyway Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's *** and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Better watch what you ask retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

[Hopkirk]

Are you my mother in law?
You should hear what she comes out with.

[Bobbisox1]

Haha, coz we can Hoppy :0)

[emmie]

dare one ask as this is in jokes, is it a joke or did you say all that....
as doesn't strike me you would but you never know.....

[emmie]

its funny whatever it is.

[Ken4155]

It's a joke, Emmie.

[emmie]

i thought so, but it could also be true, you know what bobbi is like,....

[Ken4155]

I would imagine Bobbi's retort to be much more succinct, Emmie :-))

[emmie]

maybe...

[Bobbisox1]

I'm a ladeeeee, would I ever go n sniff a dogs butt,pmsl

[emmie]

you never know Bobbi, lol

[Bobbisox1]

I would like to have been the woman buying the dog food when some nosy owld bat asked me why! Haha

[emmie]

good joke....

[Chipchopper]

Not to be sniffed at!

[Cloverjo]

I’m often asked when putting bottles of wine in my trolley “Is that wine nice?” I’m tempted to answer “No, it’s really horrible but I’ll drink it anyway.”

[zebo]

Emmie, it was doing the rounds a few years ago, with variations, so yes, it's probably in the right place in jokes!
When they were a bit trendy my OH decided to have some silk boxers, when I was paying for them I 'whispered' to him, What will you tell your wife? Thought the assistant was going to choke trying to pretend she hadn't heard!

[Patsy33]

Lol..
The nectar of jokes...