A Terrible Dilemma

[saintjohnny]

It's like this. A good friend of mine has been seeing this girl for about 5 months or so. He's really into her, and thinks she is "the one." I've met her socially three times now, and I have always found her to be lovely - bright, pretty, good sense of humour - I can see how she makes him happy. The only problem is, today another friend who does not know this couple as well as I do sent me an email link. He thought it was funny (he doesn't get on that well with my other friend). I clicked on it and it was a link to a massage parlour website. There was a picture of my friend's girlfriend on there - the eyes were blanked out but I'm 99% sure it is her alright. It looks like she's working as an escort (I was told that she works in the fashion industry). I'm really struggling with this. On the one hand I don't want to destroy my friend's happiness with this girl, because he would be devastated if he found out what his girlfriend was doing. On the other hand, I don't really have a problem with women working as escorts - not my cup of tea, but I have no moral hangups about it. So do I tell my friend what I've seen, or do I run the risk of hypocrisy in denouncing his girlfriend to him? It's killing me.

[freak_unique]

Hey a tricky one. You need to tell him really? or maybe ask yourself if you think he would be bothered by this as if so u need to speak up to avoid him being anymore hurt. Plus if it ever came out that you knew about this and didnt tell him, then his trust in you will be lost.
Good luck

[noxlumos]

Don't tell him. I run some escort agencies and very often girls will come to work for a short time as they've had a financial disaster of some sort that they need a large amount of money for quickly. Lots of very respectable women do this, some are even married, and as you don't know how long she's been doing it or indeed why, or what her furure plans are about it let it lie. There's enough misery in this world without creating anymore. Can you imagine how devastated they'll both be if you open this can of worms. She may have told him, or may be going to tell him, and of course it may not even be her which'd be the real killer, so do them and yourself a favour and keep quiet about it, there's no shame in it and the girl might have very weighty problems to deal with. At the moment they are deliriously happy, many a woman has a past their partners don't know about, it's not unusual, so please leave it and let them get on with being happy.

[China Doll]

I wouldn't say anything Johnny, you don't know without a trace of a doubt that it's her for a start.

I guess if your conscience is really bothering you about this then maybe find a quiet moment and approach the lady in question but even that I feel is not really needed.

On a completely seperate note - Nox, am I right in thinking that you absolutely do not have to have sex with a client if you are an escort?

[noxlumos]

Hello China Doll, Well sort of.
There are several types of escort and most of them are happy to have sex with their client, however, the client pays the agency for the TIME they spend together, how they choose to spend that time is up to them, and there are some legitimate agencies that do just provide escorting people to go places with people and sex is not something which happens.That is usually made abundantly clear at the time of booking. Generally though most clients of agencies with names like "SexyVixens" expect and get what are essentially prostitutes ( prostitution is not illegal in itself), so yeah technically and sometimes it's true, but more realistically at the lower end of the market sex is expected.All sorts of women are escorts, looks really are not an issue and we've had a primary school teacher, a girl whose husband left with her best friend, all her money and furniture and someone who'd just always wanted to do it, so people's reasoning varies drastically, but I have found that they are invariably great women.

[Pippa68]

As nox says, an escort & prostitute are different things ~ 99.9 % of the time a prostitute is visited for sex alone (there are fellas who 'just want to talk'!) or even other practices which don't include intercourse (each to their own).

An escort is usually used for social gatherings, intimate dinners etc etc. As I always understood it, sex isn't always on the menu. It may be something agreed upon at the start, it may just be an evening where the couple decide at the end whether sex is an option...

In any case, I wouldn't say a word. It isn't any of your business, and as the others have said you can't be 100% sure its her anyway. And if it is ~ so what? a job is a job.

[PinkFizz]

Don't say a word - you have no idead if it is really her,and even if it is I agree with Nox 100%.Women do this for all sorts of reasons,almost all are because of necessity and to keep their families and homes afloat.

[China Doll]

Thanks Nox and Pippa... I ask because it's something I've thought about doing escort work on the side but I really don't want to get in to the whole sex side of it and this has held me back from finding out more. I have no problem with women who do but it's just not for me.

Actually Johnny, I would do the work as a means to earn some extra money but I would be furious if someone told anyone I was in relationship with... chances are I would tell them myself as I'm no good at keeping secrets but I still think it should be the girls story to tell. (And sorry to hijack your thread a bit there)

[4getmenot]

Are you sure he hasnt hired her?

[bednobs]

what makes you think your friend dosent know? hes hardly likely to describe his girlfriend as an escort, is he?

[Mrs_Pegasus]

Set up a anonymous email account (i.e. hotmail) and send him the link.

Put yourself in his shoes, would you want to be told? If not then dont tell him.