Without anybody stating the obvious.......

[Smowball]

Ok, helpful answers only please? I know for a fact that my OH has been lying to me about something (no, not a woman!) but I've found out myself by looking at something I shouldn't have. So how can I broach the subject without looking a hypocrite??

[joggerjayne]

You can't.

You just have to get that little hurdle out of the way straight away.

"Look, I know I shouldn't have been looking at [whatever], and I'm sorry I did, but when I did, I saw that ... "

[Smowball]

Erm, well I can't really do that - I opened a letter not addressed to me....... purely because I had a feeling I knew what was in it and I was right.

[rojash]

"So how can I broach the subject without looking a hypocrite?"

You can't, because you are.

[Mamyalynne]

JJ is quite right, if you want this sorting out you just have to be honest and say what you have discovered.

[EvianBaby]

I want to know what the letter said.

[joggerjayne]

Okay.

Photocopy the letter and post the photocopy to yourself, and then be "surprised" when you open it ???

[pa___ul3]

that's exactly what I was going to say, you can't, and hiding it could lead to other problems.
get it out of the way, admit you were in the wrong, but let him know why you had the doubts that lead you to open it in the first place.

[Smowball]

rojash you may well be right, but I have already sort of asked him the question a month ago and got an answer which I knew wasnt true, hence I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but when another letter (bank statement) arrived today then I needed to check if he had been lying before asking him again( if that makes any sense??)

[snags]

Option B: don't broach the subject. Not really an option though is it...

[ummmm]

You can't. Just admit what you've done.

[Squitty]

destroy the letter - it has now officially lost in the post then tackle your problem from here with your new knowledge.

[EvianBaby]

It's going to end in an argument either way so you might as well just tell the truth, that you didn't believe him so checked and found out.

[Smowball]

ummm, you're probably right - the problem is that he will get angry and defensive because I shouldnt have opened it(fair enough) and then just shout and I still wont have any answers

[jackthehat]

Wait until something else addressed to him comes and open that, too.

'fess up and apologise and then when he tells you that it's alright and he doesn't mind you opening things addressed to him....

smile sweetly and say "I'm glad you said that because......" :o)

[andy-hughes]

If you are married, and share the same bank, then opening a letter addressed to him in error is quite easy to do - the present Mrs Hughes and i have done it before.

If that's the case, say you opened it in a rush, realised it was actually his, but ...

and take it from there.

[Smowball]

Ok, let me explain. It wasnt a letter to him - it was to his daughter. She doesnt live with us, but we opened her and my son a bank account each to put their pocket money, birthday money in etc and so the statements come here. A month or so ago the post came and I opened her statement in error( we have same surname, same middle name so at a glance thought it was mine). I saw the pocket money go in monthly then i noticed a huge amount paid in - it was hundreds. I was going to ask him but didnt think he would believe I opened it in error so threw it away. But later on it was bugging me so I said I had seen a statement lying in her room and what was this amount? He said he had no idea and I must have been mistaken

[joggerjayne]

Scuff the letter about in the dirt, tear the envelope a bit, and then write

"Damaged In Transit"

on the envelope.

You can say that it was torn open before it was delivered.

=0)

[Smowball]

Today another statement arrived and so check that I wasnt going mad and that I had seen this amount, I opened it. And there are more big amounts being paid in every week, nothing to do with the pocket money - they are from another bank that is nothing to do with me. I dont know what to do.

[Smowball]

JJ I like that idea...

[pink-kittens]

he may genuinely not know and they are amounts that shouldn't be going in?
I'd just show him - would you not notice from your a/c's if you hubby was spending a lot of money on nothing?