Mad friend

[butter1]

Hi, I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice.  I've been friends with a girl for 23 years now, its only the last 3 years we have become close.  I recently bought my first property and as it was a new building and there were delays with the builders my friend offered me a place to stay whilst it was being finished.  So I moved in with her for 8 weeks...It was hard as my friend has money troubles and suffers from depression. She didn't want rent money as I had to share the same bed as her but I paid for all other bills and food.  It was very difficult as I would come home after work and she would be wearing all my clothes but I didn't say anything as she was putting me up.  After I moved out I noticed that left some clothes round there and then I later found out that she had sold a few of my tops on ebay.. when I confronted her about it she thought I was overreacting etc.  My friend often lies and has lied about a lot of things so with all this I just do not trust her anymore.  Before I found this out I gave her a spare key to my house incase of emergencies and I also found out that she had been in my house whilst I was at work and took a few things.  So now I have decided to cut contact with her which is is proving to be very difficult...she bad mouths me to people saying that I used her and she puts on a sob story and I've had to change my mobile number today as I have been getting nasty phone calls from her friends that she lives next door to.  I don't know what to do?  I can't be friends with someone who I don't trust but she just won't let go and its sort of freaking me out.  She says to people that she can't let go of our friendship and that she loves me... its all to much for me and I just want to move on. 

[RogK]

What a terrible business, butter. I wish I were more experienced in such things. All I can say is that my instinct tells me that you must move on and cut this person out of your life. If she has finacial and depression problems you cannot be rsponsible for those - she needs professional help by the sound of it. Maybe it'd be good for YOU to talk to someone, too, if this is too freaky to handle on your own. Your GP could refer you to a counsellor. Good luck.

[purpose]

She doesn't have access to your property any more, does she?

If she is so obviously a fruitloop (no offence, but from what you say, she sounds like one) then in time others will become aware of this and stop 'taking her side'.

You MUST cut all ties and move on as best you can FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Of course, while she is clinging on it will be difficult, but stick to your guns. I had a friend in a very similar situation to this a few years ago and she thought she would never be rid of the girl who was harrassing her, but after just a few weeks, the girl lost all interest.

Hope the same happens for you.

[butter1]

Thank you both for your advice.  Fortunately, once I found out she had been in my house while I was at work I got the key back.  I'm sticking to my guns and just ignoring it all.  Hopefully the people she is bad mouthing me to will realise in time what she is like...its just her erratic behaviour which is worrying.  I hope your right and she will loose interest soon, fingers crossed.

[Alixw]

Just to be on the safe side, I would change your locks anyway. How do you know that while she had your key she didn't go out and get another cut just incase you took hers away?! I'd rather fork out a few quid to get this done than have someone in my house taking things!!

[shaz-rla]

Agree with AlixW, get your locks changed anyway.  If she is as bad as that she might have got a copy made.  Can you talk to her? Very difficult if she is a depressive maybe she swings high and low?  Has she seen a Dr? You might have to try to ignore her calls etc. to see if that works.  Good Luck.

[missmooncat]

Id cut all ties with her,change locks phone number etc.Just ignore her friends likesome one else said they will realise she`s nuts too.I`d cut all ties and ignore her,dont make mistake of pitying her that is what she is playing on.

Good Luck

[jodie1404]

she is totally int he wrong and u are right to cut all contct with such a untrutworthy person!! if her and her friends continue to harass u should report them and the thefts to the police change all locks and if u think this may be possible explain it to her and tell her why uve done what uve done and that u dont think u could bring back ur friendship with her as there is no trust if she takes thios well u could still be aquaintances and say hello wen u see her etc but otherwise see just seems like trouble!!

[curiosity]

Be very very careful, a friend of mine let someone have access to his house in a similar situation, (they did get a key cut!) he later found out they had credit cards in his name & most of his savings had gone.

[butter1]

Thanks for your help guys.  I think I will change my locks, makes me feel uncomfortable to think she might have got a copy.  I think I'm just to trusting - I think I will be more careful in future.

[butter1]

Sorry, forgot to answer your questions Shaz-rla.  She has told me in the past that she was seeing a counsellor but she's lied about so many things in the past I don't know whether to believe her.  She always has something wrong with her, at the moment she apparantly has a breast cancer scare.  I'm not a heartless person, my mother died of cancer but she forgets about the lies she tells as this is the 3rd time in 3 years she's had a breast cancer scare.  It's horrible if she has a geniune scare because I just don't believe her.  She sits at her computer and searches the net for all different illnesses...I've caught her out on many occassions.  I just don't want that sort of friend.  My other, true friends think she is barmy and wonder why I was friends with her.  I was walking home from work last night and saw her driving slowly down my road...she didn't see me coz I basically jumped into someones garden.  I hope she gives up soon and gets the message.

[paracetamol1]

get a restraining order!!!

[WendyS]

Just to be on the safe side, I'd contact your credit card supplier and have your card changed in case she's noted the number and tries to use it to order goods by phone or internet. And check your bank statements regularly in case in strange withdrawals appear. if she doesn't lose interest in you, contact a solicitor for advice.

[hunter1969]

Would you steal from someone you love? Sounds like your friend can't let go of the friendship because she's on too much of a good thing. She's making you out to be the bad one in order empower herself. There's no point attempting to convince her neighbours/friends that she's lying to them about you, but they will find her out for themselves in days, months or even years to come! Change your locks and keep ignoring her, hopefully she will find someone else to latch onto. Good luck