please help my relationship

[zknight]

hello there i really need some advice, about my relationship that i have been in for 4 years and myself.

my boyf & i have been together for 4 years and in the last 2 living together. his become so lazy and won't do anything around the home. i work nights 4 times a week as a carar and my job is hard working and can be stressfull so even to come home once and a while to see the kitchen clean would be lovely. we argue nearly every day it does my head in and all he can do is walk out and that make me feel worse. and on top of that we have no more love life. he had me wondering if he was seeing someone else. i have spoken to him bout all these things. he said he would help me out but till no change there and he says his not seeing anyone else. 

i just get on with the housework by myself as some days i do have all day to do it. but now my ex boyf and i are talking again the slightest bit of love and i take it. now my ex wants me back i don't know what to do. people know i'm not happy friends say i.ve changed. i used to be so happy always smiling and having fun. now i bottle everything up dont feel like i have a life anymore. but most important, i hate my dirty secret. 

is there anything i can do? please help me.   

[rampart]

Zknight,

All relationships are tough and they all go through terrible phases. They can come through them, too, when both partners wish that to happen. Now, both partners have to want it, but there can always be a timing problem where one partner has to take the lead.

Something brought you two together four years ago, and something has held you two together ever since. I do not know what that is, but you should look at that and ask yourself if it is worth it. My guess is yes, as that's quite a bit of time to spend together - many birthdays, Christmases, good times, bad times, rich, poor, etc. So, there is some glue to the relationship. How can you make it stronger on your own? If you want it to continue, what can you do to keep things going?

Maybe you will have to give for quite a while in many ways before he comes out of his funk and relaxes and sees that he should and wants to come back with joy to the relationship. So you might have to do all the housework, tired or not, and many other things to rekindle the flames. In time, perhaps that gives him the ability to think clearly and find joy in returning to the feelings you two had when you first got together.

Good luck.

[l15a27]

how old are you?

[Scarlett]

Your boyfriend needs a kick up the backside. Get some strength and confidence together, and tell him that unless he starts to make an effort around the house and with you, you are going to leave him- no question. When he realises you are serious he will either welcome the thought and leave, or pull his finger out. BOTH these options will benefit you in one way or another.Then stick to your decision. If he leaves, you can maybe hook up with your ex (but be careful about rebound..) and if he stays, he will have to treat you better. Be strong!!

[lilyfrog]

If you do leave then dont do it to hook up with your ex (or anyone else) leave him to be on your own. Once you have had some time out you can then decide if you want someone in your life or not. If your ex wont wait for you then he is certainly not worth dumping someone else for!!

To be honest you sound like you want to leave and you are just hoping we will all agree and confirm your suspicions.

I have thought abiut splitting up with my boyfriend when someone else came along and seemed like a better option at the time. I stuck it out with man and now we have been happily married for just over a year. Can't imagine life without him.

[zknight]

thank you to everyones advice. i have spoke to my boyf, about how i feel (again i know!) things are going really well i just hope this lasts. as for the ex. we are going to stay friends. one foot out of place with my man, and i'm out the door with a stronger mind, to be on my own. thank you again.