Difficult situation...

[sair5412]

Would anyone be able to help as I'm in a really difficult situation and I just don't know what to do so any advice or suggestions will help. When my son was 10 months old his father walked out on us with another woman and we have never seen him since. I don't know where he is but I am in touch with his mother and she explains that he will write to his son when he is 18 and they will start a relationship then. Ahem ok. In the meantime, when my son was 19 months old, I started seeing a friend and we became boyfriend and girlfriend only when he agreed and fully understood that if he wanted to live with myself and my son then he would have to take on this responsibility as well. Which he did and was very good with my son. When Charlie went to nursery, he began calling my boyfriend, dad. We didnt stop him but neither encouraged it as I was concerned that i didnt want him growing up thinking Phil was his biological father. However, to make matters more confusing, Phil and I have now split as the pressure of him being self employed and I suppose as he puts it, he bit off more than he could chew with taking Charlie on and it would break his heart if Charlie ever took to his real dad when he (maybe) meets him. I am on my own once more and doing the best I can to bring Charlie up alone and go to work. But, I just don't know what to do about Phil and the dad thing. I will never tell Charlie he can't see Phil and if he wants to see him I phone Phil and he will come to see Charlie. But I feel if we make it a regular thing and then Phil meets someone else, how are they going to understand why he still visits his ex-girlfriends child? It would become a strain for them and Phil can never move on with his life. CONT on next post...

[charmed24]

i know this is hard but you must make a point of speaking to phil about this and agreeing for your childs sake that he knows the truth as soon as possible and then your son can decide what to call phil but of course this all depends on how old your son is now??

[sair5412]

He is 4 next week.

He doesnt see much of Phil now but he talks about him as Dad, I don't correct him but I'll reply and use the name Phil. He speaks to Phil on the phone occasionally but I think he is distancing himself now as he has started to meet up with new girlfriends. I don't know, it's really difficult. Charlie has lot's of male role models in his life; my dad, my brother, my uncle and cousins. Maybe its for the best that Phil is slowly but surely disappearing?