Misunderstandings 2

[marval]

I have just got back from the North Pole.

On closer inspection Mum's note says my train set is in the attic.


Sky Sports News: Katie Price has admitted she has been training all of her life for the Ride her Cup, and was shocked when she found out it was a golf tournament.


I've recently moved with my family to a new area and thought I'd try some of the local pubs.

I walked in to the Bulls Head and asked the barman, "Are kids allowed in here mate?"

"Yes, until 8pm", he replied.

"Great", I said, as I ushered my young goat in, "What about Foals?"


I regularly go to protests and rallies covered in salt, pepper, vinegar or various other herbs and spices.

What can I say, I'm a seasoned campaigner.


I was walking down the street and a driver pulled over and asked me if I knew where Effingham was"

Was “next to the effing bacon" the wrong answer?


I'm moving house this morning so I've just nipped to Tesco.

I'm glad I did because the cashier politely asked if I'd like help with my packing.


To earn some extra money this weekend I went stripping in a pub.

I turned up wearing a cowboy hat, leather chaps and a sequined thong.

I had a great time, although there was some funny looks from the other painters doing the refurbishment.


Stealing male sheep wasn`t what I had in mind when my mate asked me to go on a ram raid with him.


Sky News Headline - Veteran Swingers Promise Jolly Good Show.

The band from Cuba.

Most misleading headline, ever.


My maths teacher used to love me when I was younger.

She always used to put lots of kisses at the end of my sums.


My mate's sister asked me if I think it's ok to have a baby after 35.

I said, "Not really. I think 35 of them are more than enough."


I took my husband to a fancy restaurant for dinner.

Afterwards as we waited for the bill he said, "That waiter was really polite and helpful. You should leave a tip for him."

So I spilled my coffee on the tablecloth and threw a few biscuits around.


My psychiatrist is so understanding of my beliefs.

When I told him I was possessed by the spirit of the largest star in the night sky, he asked "Are you Sirius?"


A girl I know posted on Facebook, "Anyone know someone who has Ann Summers parties?"

I replied, "Lots of people have parties in the summer. Your grammar is terrible, by the way."


I cooked a lovely lasagne and took it to the bank with me, but they said it was "an unsuitable form of identification."

Strange, it's my signature dish.


I went camping for the first time today and my mate asked me to build a camp fire.

So before lighting it, I painted all the firewood pink and arranged it to look like a limp wrist.

[squarebear]

haha! These are great.

[maggiebee]

On a roll Marval, on a roll.

[marval]

Thanks folks

[starone]

Tee-hee loved that last one.