lazy kids

[rachelsdad]

my partner and i live with our 12 year old daughter and her 22 year old student son from a previous marriage.

he finishes his degree this summer,has worked very ocassionally in part time jobs during this period.

His life consists of sleep/feet up watching tv/drinking alcohol/attending university/study in order of most first

He does nothing round the house,leaves empty crisp packets,glasses,clothes lying around in the lounge

I have got to the stage where he brings his empty plate from his lounge and puts it in the kitchen bowl

His mother thinks he does enough (ie nothing) and him getting to the stage to bring his plate was the result of a major argument between us over what I expect him to do and she thinks he is too young and carefree to do any work...it makes my blood boil as I think he is having a laugh.His mother and I have different backgrounds,for example I had to work from age 13 part time in a pub and she had parents who did everything for her until she left home.I am sick of arguing about his lack of effort as I am made to feel the wrong one..I know this is a very sensitive issue and I know there is a different attitude displayed by the younger generation towards work etc...am I on my own in feeling like this...I could do with some advice on this from others....i am 43

[kh_merrills]

I'm a 22yr old female that's married, runs a clean, tidy house and has a nearly 1yr old Daughter.
Age has nothing to do with it!!!!
He is just lazy and needs a good kick up the bum!!!
In his defence, at least he goes to uni though as that can't be easy and most student life styles are sleeping,eating and drinking. Although, most live in halls or shared accomodation so not to annoy their parents too much!!!!
Maybe you need to sit down with him in all seriousness and explain how its making you feel as he may not realise how annoyed you really are and you never know, you may learn why he's being like this.
Good luck.

[curiosity]

Not that it's excusable, but my student nephew is exactly the same. He's a lovely lad, intelligent, kind, considerate in many ways, but leaving a mess behind him unfortunately is one of his strong points. I think you are right about different upbringings though when it comes to parenting. I admit I do winge when my teenagers don't clean up after themselves, but when their Dad puts his foot down and tells them to, I tend to jump in and it's alright, don't be too harsh on them, they are kids. I know I'm wrong, but I can't help it.

[curiosity]

sorry meant to write "say it's alright"

[gessoo]

In a few years time this lad will be part of the rat race, towing the line like everybody else and probably complaining about his offspring being lazy. He will be off soon enough. If your wife doesn't mind I would just bear with it. I'm afraid I feel just like curiousity. I find it natural for young lads to be completely lazy around the house - they seem to be oblivious to mess. Don't actually think it's got much to do with laziness - more to do with tidiness and housework not having any priority to them.

It's a hard old world out there - let them enjoy their youth without too much nagging. Wish I was young again.

[Jay70]

At 22 I had worked for 6yr - was doing part time college was about to get married and was buying a house!!!. I think he is a lazy so and so. Part of growing up is to learn about being responsible, self dependant and respectful and I dont think his mum is doing him any favours. I think if his mum thinks he's doing enough then you should let her run around after him and you should just refuse to do it. Why should you have to put up with his lazyness.

Curiosity - a 22 yr old is not a kid he is someone who knows a mug when he sees one. You guys don't do yourselves any favours and are responsible for the freeloading, irresponsible youth of today. You make your own bed though and I think you deserve to lie in them. I know of neighbours who are like this and when they are in trouble or need help their little precious Timmy Wimmy doesn't give a monkeys. If you dont respect yourselves then they wont respect you.

[nannon]

I think that his behaviour is awful!! I'm nearly 23 and I'm a student. Ive had a job since I was about 12. I helped my dad around the hourse, cleaning cooking looking after animals etc. Ive worked all the way through uni - my parents supported me rent and tution wise, but for money for going out and shopping i had to earn myself. My dad would be having serious words with me if i had left glasses etc around the house and when i was living under his roof thats fair enough. I had pocket money when i was at home �10-15 a week depending on what chores i did around the house. At the end of the day everyone wants to sit and do nothing sometime - not have to do everydsy chores like washing up, but if your living under some elses roof I am pretty sure it just counts as manners and common courtesy - something he should have learned by the age of 22!!!!

[gessoo]

I'm quite happy Jay70 and certainly not complaining. We are all different and our families are all different. That's what makes the world go round. I am really pleased that my 20 ish year old is enjoying his youth and not planning on getting married and settling down at such a young age. I am glad he didn't start work at 16 and has been about and seen a great deal of that big world out there. I am glad he is a nice person, independent and open minded. He has followed in my footsteps. I am not complaining and I am no mug. If I am, that's my business!

[nannon]

oh and just to add to that - if I showed that amount of laziness when i was at home- I would have felt the back of my fathers hand!!! and rightly so!!

[gessoo]

Fortunately, my father never showed any physical violence towards me! I respected him completely and know my son respects me and my home. I just have a more laid back attitude I suppose.

As I said before, we are all very different - that's what makes the world go round.

[Jay70]

gessoo - it doesn't bother me a hoot if they are taking you for a ride but it bothers me that it in future they are going to end up expecting other tax payers to support them in their lazy ways in which case it's very much my business.

[gessoo]

Why would other taxpayers have to pay for people that are lazy about the house? If I choose to be untidy and not wash my dirty dishes and leave it to my partner - how would that affect anyone outside of my household. I thought that was the issue here. I was not talking about people not working or sponging off the state, and believe it or not some of the hardest working people outside of there own homes often are lazy at home.

In my first posting I implied that in my opinion most of these so called 'lazy' youngsters would be towing the line sooner or later, working hard and calling their own 'offspring' lazy.

[gessoo]

I just hope Jay70 that you are not one of those people that see university students as 'spongers' who live off those like yourself.

[gessoo]

By the way, I have worked hard all my working life Everything I have achieved has been through hard work without dependance on anybody, financial or otherwise. However, I didn't help out at home during my free and easy college years and wasn't nagged to do so. I have always respected my parents for letting me enjoy my youth!

[Jay70]

Well you need not get all upset then had you. Seems like I've hit bit a tender spot though. I was pointing out that laziness tends to spread to other parts of life. If you had read my post correctly and not got all up tight you would have seen that. Your not one of those parents who allways gives the ' The're only kids ' excuse out when they cause issues with others are you?

[gessoo]

You have touched a tender spot because you inferred that my child has been brought up to scrounge off the state. However, I am far from being upset. I don't know you and people I don't know don't upset me (except for George Bush!). Believe it or not, my son never caused any serious issues with others either as a child or an adult, so I had no need for excuses.

I was the laziest teenager and early twenty year old imaginable when it came to housework and clearing up. Still tend to be that way now at 58. I am not lazy when it comes to doing a days work or doing things that I enjoy.

What I am trying to point out is that loads of young people don't see the need for tidiness - it doesn't worry them that a dirty plate or glass lays about in their room for a week - they don't even notice! Nothing to do with being lazy.

[gessoo]

Lety's just agree to differ. We have different priorities obviously. Most young people turn out just fine in the end anyway - they have loads of pressures put on them nowadays, I just don't believe in adding to it. Please also don't label kids of today as being 'freeloading and irresponsible.' Responsibilities are put on them these days from a very young age from all directions.

[gessoo]

My typing and spelling is diabolical today!

[curiosity]

Just to clarify Jay 70 I was referring to my two teenagers as kids (13 & 14) not my 22 yearold nephew. However I must congratulate Gessoo on what I consider to be a good attitude to take. Young people have different priorities, that's all. And Jay 70 all my role modelling doing things for others, does not lead to freeloading, irresponsible youths, my mother helped me enjoy my youth, freeing me of more responsibility than I already had studying, knowing that my lifetime was going to be burdened with responsibilities, that by the way I have dealt with. Altruism, flexibility & compromise are just some of the many things that come out of understanding people within their context.

[gessoo]

Thanks Curiosity. You are far better with words than I.

[curiosity]

Not at all Gessoo, I felt I'd abandoned you mid argument, cos I hadn't been on Ab until today, but you were in there keeping the plates spinning!