Church Marriage Vows

[agchristie]

Given the high failure rate of first marriages, are vows taken too lightly?

What would you like to see done differently either in the Marriage service to strengthen what the union means or perhaps you would like to see change in the way people are brought together to prevent relationships from being irretrievably broken down?

[Old_Geezer]

The ceremony makes no difference. If pairings break up it's either because they were blind to the fact it was a bad match, or they are too young to realise no one is perfect and you have to accept the other ones 'faults'.

It's possible counselling could help, but I think any increase number of breakdowns is more to a) not learning to put the effort in to keep the relationship strong and b) being less tolerant of putting up with an unhappy life as folk used to in the past.

[pixie373]

It is often taken lightly. You have to prove you want to get divorced, but can waltz straight into a marriage. Perhaps people should live together for 2 years before they marry, like they have to live apart for 2 years before they divorce.

[Peter Pedant]

// Given the high failure rate of first marriages, [are vows taken too lightly?] //

why dont men marry the second wife, first ?

[agchristie]

Pixie, a large proportion of couples live together without getting married. I can't stand the people who cite the reason for not marrying as 'it's just a piece of paper'

A nonsensical cliche....

[naomi24]

When people are in love it's easy to agree to "til death do us part" and I think most people mean it at the time. However, I don't believe people should be obliged to remain tied to someone they no longer love.

Pixie, I don't think the two year separation applies any more. As far as I know, the only requirement before issuing a divorce petition is that the couple have been married for over a year.

[Obiter]

Ten the law must have changed since I studied matrimonial law (20 years ago). It was 2 years, the only exception being in the case of adultery when you could petition after one year.

[naomi24]

Orbiter, I think the two year rule applies to people who simply agree to divorce, but if there are 'grounds' for divorce, the marriage can be ended sooner.

[sherrardk]

My friend is currently going through the divorce procedure (unreasonable behaviour even though he was carrying on). She started the process in June and should be divorced by Christmas.

[pixie373]

//Question Author

Pixie, a large proportion of couples live together without getting married//

More people are living together and fewer are getting married. Maybe that's why.

[pixie373]

My point, really, was that it is much harder to get divorced than married. Where is the sense in that?

[askyourgran]

My marriage is still going 54 years later. I don't think a change in the marriage service will make commitment any stronger. When we went to see the vicar about the banns he spoke to us about sharing our lives together - for the rest of our lives through the good and bad times. But that was 54 and a bit years ago, and I have to admit it hasnt been plain sailing at times. Now people's perception of marriage has changed. It seems very easy to move on to someone else, to divorce, or just live with someone else these days. The lack of a belief that binds both partners in marriage seems to have gone. It is complex there are no definite rules about this, times have changed so much, I can't say that our vicar's words rang in my ears all those years but that talk resolved our togetherness then.

[agchristie]

Pixie - yes that is true.

AYG - 54 years! No mean feat. You are right there. Would be interesting if like driving, you had to pass a theory test about marriage!

[Old_Geezer]

Not only is it not a nonsensical cliché, it's difficult to know how folk keep a straight face when denying it.

[Zacs-Master]

Jeez. This place gets more like the 1950s every day.

[agchristie]

OG - care to elaborate? Your first post made much sense but Im not with you on your latest...

Zacs - why the '50's?

[Zacs-Master]

Outdated and irrelevant values which have no real place in the 21st C.

[RATTER15]

"til death do us part" just unrealistic!!

People change a lot over the years, people often just grow apart!

Ive been married twice and divorced twice, both times it was going to be "til death do us part"

[askyourgran]

Wot you on about Zacs?

ag If there was a halfway halt for further confirmation of vows I seriously doubt some long marriages would survive a second round.

[Old_Geezer]

I'm unsure it needs much elaboration. One should take umbrage at any suggestion that a couple who have not gone through a ritual is somehow a lesser couple than a couple who have conformed. Or has less feeling or dedication to the relationship (which the number of break-ups you refer to in your OP proves not to be the case). It would seem very strange if someone suggested they personally would be less committed to their partner without the piece of paper; quite a confession. It has only whatever value the couple creates for it.

[agchristie]

Ratter - you have nine lives? ;-)