Why do people put memorials at the side of the road?

[padanarm]

Why do people put memorials at the side of the road for road accident victims? Why do the tributes involve football shirts?

[4getmenot]

umm how come they wont release it? surely they know how he died. Someone I know was buried last month and they dont know how he died and have still to find out but they still released the body for burial. Hope you daughter is coping.

[daffy654]

People like to be conspicuous in their grief and giving money to charity would not allow them their moment of public anguish.
I think the crosses by the road I mentioned in my previous post are more of a fitting tribute to those who died than a bunch of week old decaying garage forecourt flowers.The crosses are plain,wooden and dignified. They said on the programme that the amount of deaths on that road had decreased partly because people were reminded how dangerous a road it is by the crosses.

[buildersmate]

In the state of Montana, USA, the state sponsors a small metal cross on a post concreted in at the side of the road at the spot - one cross for each victim of an accident. They have been doing this for over 40 years as a permanent reminder of accident blackspots. Some nasty bends have built up quite a collection by now. That's the only positive reason I can think of doing it.

[Ankou]

in the front garden where he lived?

[Ankou]

sorry that was to umm.

[Gromit]

Two very recent examples near to me.

1. Old lady, run over at a pelican crossing. The neighbours came round collecting for flowers which went to the crematorium and then for decoration at the local hospice. No roadside shine appeared.

2. Sixteen year old died while being pursued by the Police, he came off the motorway slip road, mounted the pavement, fortunately not killing anyone there, and wrapped the Merc around a lamppost. Vast shine appeared.

Admittedly, both tragic loss of life, but different show of grief.

[coccinelle]

You'll notice when you drive around France, tombstones on the side of a road, and often at a crossroads with a name. These are usually people who were shot by the germans in the second world war and buried where they were killed. Since then came the ritual of bouquets of flowers attached to trees to victims of road accidents where they were killed and often their ashes are scattered there. This may be the case in the UK

[dot.haukes]

It is 2 years come 31st August since my family lost a very close friend (and my grandson's godfather) in a RTA. We went to the scene the day after on the way to the hospital to see him, my son and daughter both took flowers and the family had already attached flowers to the lamppost he hit as he was flung from his motorbike, (he was doing 26 mph in a 40 limit but hit a diesel spill) .
My son was one of the bearers of the coffin and helped lower him into his grave. It was a devastating time, my daughter and son have found it so hard to come to terms with his loss.
My son made an undertaking to the mother that he would make sure there were always flowers on the lamppost. The highways authority had attached a laminated plaque with D's name and age and date of death. the rule is that as long as flowers or memorials are always attached then the plaque remains.
It is a very very important thing for my son, to make sure D is always remembered at that spot. the grave is also an amazing place to visit and see just what D. was about in his life.
I feel great pride in the dedication and effort my son puts in to keep the promise he made to D's Mum to maintain the memorial at the lamppost, it has a very very personal and profound meaning for our family, it is now a part of our routine and an inmportant thing in my son's life.
It is very important to us all, and does not sound strange and it would never occur to us that anyone would feel the need to criticise us or ridicule us for carrying on maintaining the memorial

[ummmm]

I don't like to speak ill of the dead but...!!!!

He's a knacker (was) which caused many arguments in our house because I wouldn't let her see him. He was in a stolen car that had 4 other lads in it. I don't know why they are still holding the body but it's been rumoured that the other lads, realising he was dead, tried to put his body in the drivers seat.

My daughter now understands why I wouldn't let her see him and although she loved him it's the first time in years that we now get on.

He'd only been out of prison for 2 days......so in this case Gromit has a point.

[4getmenot]

not different show of emotion just probably more people knew the young person

[4getmenot]

dot hawkes I;m sure no one is ridiculing. Just different opinions. I find they cause people to drive slower possibly causing more accidents.

Umm oh dear well they say these things happen for a reason.

[daffy654]

http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2006/easte r-road-toll/comment-page-1/

[dot.haukes]

one A4 laminated plaque and one bunch of artificial flowers are not too much of a distraction, but come 22nd august there will be alot more, as it was his birthday, the flowers will remain right throigh the 31st and my son will clear the dead ones sometime after that and place a new artificial bunch on there til Christmas. he takes it verys seriously, the scene is 75yards from the Hospital entrance and next to the hospital carpark and so alot of people pass the spot, only once has anyone torn down the memorial, luckily we drove past just afterwards and we found his plaque chucked into the hedge. that was upsetting.

[4getmenot]

That is sick how people find it funny to do that. So wrong

[ummmm]

I know 4get....makes me feel bad though. She came over from Ireland for the funeral but looks like she's going to miss it as she has to go back soon for school :-(

[Sqad]

dot...that attitude and promise by your son cannot be criticized and has to be admired. It is only 2years on and he looks upon this as a lifetime crusade.

For me...to go back to the site where my loved one had his/ her head smashed, eyes closed with bruising blood dripping out of the ears and mouth, brain exposed, limbs in totally abnormal positions with that unmistakeable smell of death, would be just too much for me........no I would not like to pass that that flower emblazoned spot ever again.

[padanarm]

Some thoughtful answers and some sad tales. I don't want to dwell on anyone particular accident in case we get some hurtful comments. The recent cultural change seems interesting.

I can understand how it would be part of the grieving process until someone is laid to rest, but why does it become an on-going ceremony afterwards?

In the recent past it was normal to visit a friend or relative's grave. Has the site of the accident become more important that the grave nowadays? Are graveyards less welcoming?

[dot.haukes]

D. died instantly because a valve in his heart ruptured as he impacted with the post, the paramedics worked on him at the scene but couldn;t have knowh they were wasted efforts. the day after the accident as we stood on the verge in despair, my daughter picked up the round clear plastic covers from the heart moniter suction pads they had used on D. there were fragments of the bike facia too, it sounds rather morbid I know, but she kept those things, only her mind can tell us why. Noone knows how they wil react and respond to a situation like that until they experience it

[blackietwo]

Well my16 year old nephew was murdered in an unprovoked knife attack. I am guilty of putting flowers where he fought for his life. I have 2 reasons for this

1. Firstly to remind our young people that taking a knife out with you can result in you using it, and taking a life.When they pass this grass verge they will be reminded what can happen.

2. He does not have a grave, or a place in a crematorium.


Some councils are quicker than some to remove rotting flowers.

[padanarm]

dot, sorry to hear about your friend. As you say who knows how they'll react when a loved one dies? Whatever helps you through the grieving process is right for you.