Why do people put memorials at the side of the road?

[padanarm]

Why do people put memorials at the side of the road for road accident victims? Why do the tributes involve football shirts?

[n1cola79]

i think sqad needs to think about other ppls feeling a bit more. even i f u do think its a pointless waste of time u shouldnt say things like that. lets just hope u never find out first hand.

[Ankou]

dot, why doesnt your son continue this crusade at the boys grave where the body has laid to rest(?) rather than some verge outside a hospital?

i'm with sqad on the constant reminder thing, sometimes memories of lost ones should become happy and not be mired in sorrow at the spot where it all happened. thats my thoughts anyway. this i believe is easier in a cemetry or a spot where you shared some good times, where you can have some private grief 'talk' to the skies as if you are conversing with the loved one and shed a tear, a smile and a laugh at the memories.

[tamborine]

A lot of deceased are cremated, with ashes spread in remembrance gardens, making their demise seem too impersonal.

Highway memorials are in remembrance of the last place the soul lived. Depending on one's senses, the griever feels a 'live' connexion with the deceased, at that spot.

[Sqad]

nicola....2 things:

1) This site is about opinions.
2) I have been involved in death and relatives that it's impact on me varies from very little to gentle understanding.

I, like everyone else<b/> hopes that I/we do not experience tragic accidents our loved ones.

[daffy654]

There was a young man from Manchester who was murdered in our village a couple of years ago,http://www.lythamstannesexpress.co.uk/st-annes -news/TRIBUTES-PAID-TO-TRAGIC-DAD.1596837.jp

his friends and family placed flowers,teddy bears,flags and football shirts at the site where it happened.Some of the locals also placed cards and flowers to show the family that they were supporting them in the culprits being caught and punished.This was all well and good,but.............
every Christmas,anniversary,birthday,his young son's birthday etc. the whole family come back and place more flowers etc.They do not come back to remove them and tidy up,that is down to the staff at the bank whose railings all these tributes are attached to,or the local Council sometimes have to clear it.

[Sqad]

tambo...LOL LOL still struggling....LOL

[padanarm]

You make a good point tamborine, but disagree that everyone would to remember the place where someone died. Statistically most deaths occur in hospital, in the bathroom or in bed. No-one sets up a shirine in their dead gran's toilet, do they?

Perhaps this has to do with the idea of a ceremony, having an emotional duty to go somewhere and perform some ritual. Perhaps graveyards and remembrance gardens are too impersonal. What would be more appropriate in today's world?

[Ankou]

tamborine, i am aware of that and i do acknowledge that different people act in different ways, as i said it just opinions. my sisters partner was tragically taken away from her in a sudden and violent attack on a street. initially she wanted to visit the spot where it happened � i guess to feel a �connection� � but since then has never gone near it and will always go out of her way to avoid it. since that time and continuing today (it was quite some time ago now) she prefers to visit a place once a year where they shared happy times together rather than the spot where he was taken away from her. i would probably be the same, that�s all i was saying really.

[tamborine]

sqad.....was just trying to prove a point - didn't work! Abers are torturers and will give me a good kicking soon :(

[Sqad]

tambo....don't worry....it has been "give sqad a good kicking day" day to day.

[Ankou]

sorry tambo n sqad (sounds like a tom hanks film from the 80's) but are you talking in tongues ?

[tamborine]

Ankou....am expressing a general opinion. My OHs ashes are with me here - awaiting my ashes. My kids will dispose of us as they see fit.

[Sqad]

Akou

but are you talking in tongues ?

With tambo?....I would love it. LOL

[crisgal]

i drive past a young boy's cellotaph every day, by a swimming pool. i remember when i first saw it, i thought -" well i'm not surprised, it's a shocking road to cross"
After a few years, a zebra crossing appeared in the same spot. A few more years and it's now a pelical crossing. I think his family must have campaigned for the safer crossings, and perhaps if local people saw the flowers it would remind them why it's important to back the cause.

Shocking grammar - but you know what i mean!

[Mr Veritas]

I agree with leggionaire,
Not much compassion here.
People grieve it their own ways,if anything helps them then it can only be a good thing.
One of our Grandosns was killed in a road accident,entirely his own fault,he was speeding on his motor bike.
Some of the family laid flowers and still visit the site sometimes.
We did/do neither,BUT i realise and sympathise with those ,members of our family that do.

"Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth"

"Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,
May looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow"

"But whoso hath this world�s good, and seeth his brother have need, and shutteth up his bowels of compassion from him, how dwelleth the love of God in him?"

"

[Gromit]

It is strange how these things catch on.

Maybe we have more disposable income or things are cheap to buy, or even we live in a more throwaway society.

It is good to remember someone, but part of the grieving process is accepting the person has gone and getting on with your life.

These shrines that constantly need replenishing, make that harder and unfortunately, some are now bordering on the mawkish.

[Ankou]

well football shirts aint cheap!!

i imagine the footballl shirt thing may be (as prev said) but also to draw compassion from like minded supporters. a man u fan might slow down if they saw a man u shirt tied to a tree (no, not to nab it and sell it on ebay, just out of respect i spose) but equally a livepool fan driving by might consider something else. just speculating.

[Gromit]

Another though occurs to me.

Possibly it is because we are no longer church goers. In the past, if someone died, then communal grieving would take place in a church and possibly candles would be lit there.

As very few people go to church, especially young people, then these roadside shrines have replaced the church as a venue for collective mourning?

[dot.haukes]

Ankou just to reiterate my point from the first post i made on here, D's grave is an amazing site, my son had made a 6foot wide artificial floral piece made from the one that had been in the hearse with D. It sits across the foot of the grave, on the grave you cannot see the suyrface for all the things on there!!! It is amazing, the next gravestone BTW is made of marble and made to look like an XBOX 360, that is a lad same age as D who died of cancer. (26 yrs old). Both graves are full of things that reflect the lads lives, we go often.

[daffy654]

Some cemetaries now do not allow the placing of anything other than flowers on the graves.I know people have complained about it but some do go completely overboard and the cemetaries just end up looking a tacky mess :(.
Tasteful mementos are fine but you have to consider the other visitors to their deceased loved ones final resting place too.