ChatterBank0 min ago
Getting rid of Jehovahs Witnesses
79 Answers
There used to be a marvelous site on the 'net, called The Encyclopedia Of Stupid, which is sadly no longer with us, but I am grateful to it for the following fool-proof way of getting rid of Jehovah's Witnesses:::
Apparently, if you are a JW, and you do something ghastly, like perhaps having a small glass of wine with your lunch, you become persona non grata with your local Kingdom Hall. You become what is known as "Disfellowshipped"
All JW's are then supposed to shun you in a very serious way and avoid you like the plague. So, next time you are in the middle of making dinner, and the doorbell goes and its a couple of these pests standing there, don't tell them to bugger off, or something more Anglo Saxon. This can be fun of course but its just not effective enough. What you need is some really permanent.
Just tell them that you have been "Disfellowshipped" and they will run back down your front path, as fast as their little legs will carry them, as if the very devil was after them !
More importantly, your address will be added to their "Black List" and you will never be bothered ever again !
Apparently, if you are a JW, and you do something ghastly, like perhaps having a small glass of wine with your lunch, you become persona non grata with your local Kingdom Hall. You become what is known as "Disfellowshipped"
All JW's are then supposed to shun you in a very serious way and avoid you like the plague. So, next time you are in the middle of making dinner, and the doorbell goes and its a couple of these pests standing there, don't tell them to bugger off, or something more Anglo Saxon. This can be fun of course but its just not effective enough. What you need is some really permanent.
Just tell them that you have been "Disfellowshipped" and they will run back down your front path, as fast as their little legs will carry them, as if the very devil was after them !
More importantly, your address will be added to their "Black List" and you will never be bothered ever again !
Answers
This is worthy of a place on the Viz top tips page.
Dis
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09:03 Fri 30th Nov 2012
mibn2cweus @
//Point to the sky behind them and say, "Oh look, there He is now!" and when they turn to gaze upon their Jehovah's second coming, close the door behind them.//
That definately would not work as there is no such thing as Jehovah's second coming. If you meant Jesus, then again, there is no second coming as he is already here.
Need to think of something else.
//Point to the sky behind them and say, "Oh look, there He is now!" and when they turn to gaze upon their Jehovah's second coming, close the door behind them.//
That definately would not work as there is no such thing as Jehovah's second coming. If you meant Jesus, then again, there is no second coming as he is already here.
Need to think of something else.
Lazygun@
//sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, adultery, apostasy, reviling//
True disfellowshipping is done on the above but only if the person is deliberately doing these things.
The avoidance of these things is what makes JWs stand out as different from other religions. At least we dont maim or kill the offender as one particular religion.
It is a very rare occurence that you will find a JW suffering with AIDS, HIV or a STD or unwanted pregnancy. I am not saying you won't, but if this does happen it is usually because of their lifestyle before becoming a JW - for example a person who was a Homosexual may suffer the consequences, or someone who was perhaps very sexually active may still suffer the consequences of his/her activity. Someone may have had a blood transfusion before becoming a JW, and it could be some years before HIV becomes apparent. For those who were brought up as JWs or who have been witnesses for decades and married in the faith are those who would not be affected by such things.
//sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, adultery, apostasy, reviling//
True disfellowshipping is done on the above but only if the person is deliberately doing these things.
The avoidance of these things is what makes JWs stand out as different from other religions. At least we dont maim or kill the offender as one particular religion.
It is a very rare occurence that you will find a JW suffering with AIDS, HIV or a STD or unwanted pregnancy. I am not saying you won't, but if this does happen it is usually because of their lifestyle before becoming a JW - for example a person who was a Homosexual may suffer the consequences, or someone who was perhaps very sexually active may still suffer the consequences of his/her activity. Someone may have had a blood transfusion before becoming a JW, and it could be some years before HIV becomes apparent. For those who were brought up as JWs or who have been witnesses for decades and married in the faith are those who would not be affected by such things.
//The avoidance of these things is what makes JWs stand out as different from other religions.//
Unlike you, I don’t need a religion to tell me how to live. I’ve never had an STD, nor an unwanted pregnancy, and I’ve never been a Jehovah’s Witness, so how does that work?
Incidentally, homosexuality is not a lifestyle choice.
Unlike you, I don’t need a religion to tell me how to live. I’ve never had an STD, nor an unwanted pregnancy, and I’ve never been a Jehovah’s Witness, so how does that work?
Incidentally, homosexuality is not a lifestyle choice.
Why be rude and nasty?
They are only trying to spread the word of what they believe in. They aren't holding a gun up to your head and forcing you to let them in!
Just say you're not interested, or, take 2 minutes and listen to what they have to say, and then make up your mind.
Would that be so hard....?
They are only trying to spread the word of what they believe in. They aren't holding a gun up to your head and forcing you to let them in!
Just say you're not interested, or, take 2 minutes and listen to what they have to say, and then make up your mind.
Would that be so hard....?
@Truthabounds
You typed this
"//sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, adultery, apostasy, reviling//
True disfellowshipping is done on the above but only if the person is deliberately doing these things."
Its a good job then that those people who are accidentally homosexual, or having sex out of wedlock, or accidentally practising adultery or apostasy have a good excuse - "It were accidental guvnor"!
As an excuse that is worthy of a place in right next door to Homer Simpsons repeated cry of "Its my first day" as an excuse :)
So how long does a disfellowshipping last for? Is it permanent, or can you regain your fellowship? For example, what would a deliberate homosexual have to do to regain favour? Claim it was only an accident? Become celibate?
You typed this
"//sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, adultery, apostasy, reviling//
True disfellowshipping is done on the above but only if the person is deliberately doing these things."
Its a good job then that those people who are accidentally homosexual, or having sex out of wedlock, or accidentally practising adultery or apostasy have a good excuse - "It were accidental guvnor"!
As an excuse that is worthy of a place in right next door to Homer Simpsons repeated cry of "Its my first day" as an excuse :)
So how long does a disfellowshipping last for? Is it permanent, or can you regain your fellowship? For example, what would a deliberate homosexual have to do to regain favour? Claim it was only an accident? Become celibate?
Truthabounds
mibn2cweus @
//Point to the sky behind them and say, "Oh look, there He is now!" and when they turn to gaze upon their Jehovah's second coming, close the door behind them.//
That definately would not work as there is no such thing as Jehovah's second coming. If you meant Jesus, then again, there is no second coming as he is already here.
Need to think of something else.
08:23 Mon 03rd Dec 2012
I take it you weren't in that lot then. Talk about your split-second conversion.
I suppose I will have to come up with a new ploy . . . once the newsletter goes out.
B00
Fail to see why you need to be rude? Just tell them politely you're not interested and then close the door.
Whatever you think of their religion, they're still people and don't deserve the frankly silly replies that's already been suggested to say to them.
08:32 Mon 03rd Dec 2012
Well instead of immediately closing the door behind them, I had considered the option of sayin, "Made you look, you dirty crook. Stole your mother's pocket book. You turned it in, you turned it out. You turned it into saurkraut!"
Oh well. There's always next time . . . or maybe not?
mibn2cweus @
//Point to the sky behind them and say, "Oh look, there He is now!" and when they turn to gaze upon their Jehovah's second coming, close the door behind them.//
That definately would not work as there is no such thing as Jehovah's second coming. If you meant Jesus, then again, there is no second coming as he is already here.
Need to think of something else.
08:23 Mon 03rd Dec 2012
I take it you weren't in that lot then. Talk about your split-second conversion.
I suppose I will have to come up with a new ploy . . . once the newsletter goes out.
B00
Fail to see why you need to be rude? Just tell them politely you're not interested and then close the door.
Whatever you think of their religion, they're still people and don't deserve the frankly silly replies that's already been suggested to say to them.
08:32 Mon 03rd Dec 2012
Well instead of immediately closing the door behind them, I had considered the option of sayin, "Made you look, you dirty crook. Stole your mother's pocket book. You turned it in, you turned it out. You turned it into saurkraut!"
Oh well. There's always next time . . . or maybe not?
Well, at least it was amusing reading all your comments.
But I have heard them all. Coming to the door nude, holding a phone, putting on a hat & coat, I seen them all.
There is nothing you can do or say that will shock.
BOO@ Thank you for your comment, that is all is needed.
Ignorance is no excuse for rudeness
But I have heard them all. Coming to the door nude, holding a phone, putting on a hat & coat, I seen them all.
There is nothing you can do or say that will shock.
BOO@ Thank you for your comment, that is all is needed.
Ignorance is no excuse for rudeness
Truthabounds, any chance of answering my question?
//I’ve never had an STD, nor an unwanted pregnancy, and I’ve never been a Jehovah’s Witness, so how does that work?//
And actually, I think it's rather rude for a doorstep caller to persist even after being told the householder isn't interested - and persistent they are!
//I’ve never had an STD, nor an unwanted pregnancy, and I’ve never been a Jehovah’s Witness, so how does that work?//
And actually, I think it's rather rude for a doorstep caller to persist even after being told the householder isn't interested - and persistent they are!
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